ginhawa
Saturday, September 29, 2007
kaya ko naman, Lord.
kaya ko pang magtiis sa hirap.
kaya ko pang labanan ang pait.
kaya ko pang tumayo sa bagyo ng buhay.
kaya ko pang ibigay lahat sa mga kapatid ko.
kaya ko pang tulungan ang nanay at tatay ko.
kaya ko pang magbigay sa kapwa ko.
kaya ko pang makinig sa mga kaibigan ko.
kaya ko pang bumangon sa pagkadapa.
kaya ko pang hilumin ang malalim na sugat ng puso.
kaya ko pa sigurong magmahal kahit ilang beses na nasaktan.
kaya ko pang gunapang kahit hirap na sa paglakad.
kaya ko pa, Lord...
pero sa kabila ng mga unos na ito, Panginoon ko,
samahan niyo ako sa bawat pagtahak ko ng pagsubok,
lantaran niyo ako ng ilaw sa mga araw na madilim,
bigyan niyo ako ng ginhawa sa mga araw na nawawalan ako ng pag-asa.
kaya ko pa, Lord...
basta, huwag niyo lang ako iiwan.
kaya ko pa, Lord....
dahil nandiyan ka sa buhay ko.
Labels: hope, spiritual reveries, tagalog
dear boy....
to the boy who calls me 'PRINCESS' (you know who you are)
i wonder if you're here in LA.
i received your last missive.
and i'm still counting on your promise of a wonderful time.
see you soon.
<3,>
Labels: dear boy, UNSENT
UNSENT: flower giver
Thursday, September 27, 2007
dear flower giver,
for the first time in years, red roses comes my way. and should i say, i'm flattered. and it could not have come in a better timing when i felt like the world collapsed on me again ( and you did not even know about it).
i'm seeking for the proper words to describe my feelings. i guess, in your weirdest ways, you still show you cared despite the long silence and absence. and for more stranger reasons, i am grateful you even remembered me especially at the most difficult times of my life.
i just hope you remember me more than the times you did not thought of me. because, more than words will ever say, i secretly missed you, too.
Labels: love, UNSENT
STRENGTH
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
S T R E N G T H
my faith is tested once again. and truth is, my strength can only take me so much. every day, my exhausted mind, body, and soul are just draining with weakness. and seriously, i am T - I - R - E - D. but my Lord, i know, these trials that you give me are challenges to my strength. and i will face it all head on, and i will fight this battle to be strong. but my Lord, equipped me with added power to conquer it all. i leave it all in your grace and mercy. i KNOW...you will see me victorious in the end.
fear not,
for I am with you;
be not dismayed,
for I am your God;
I will strengthen you,
I will help you,
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
Isaiah 40:28-31
9 But he said to me,
“My grace is sufficient for you,
for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly
of my weaknesses,
so that the power of
Christ may rest upon me.
10 For the sake of Christ,
then, I am content with weaknesses,
insults, hardships,
persecutions, and calamities.
For when I am weak,
then I am strong.
MY PRAYER:
14 For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, 15 from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, 16 that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, 18 may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, 19 and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.
—Ephesians 3:14-19Labels: bible verses, spiritual reveries, strength
LOVE LINES....
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
i don't know if you're like me. but when i watched sappy movies, i usually remember my favorite lovelines from the movies. these are just some of them.
"if you love someone you say it,
you say it right then,
out loud,
or the moment just... passes you by."
my best friend's wedding
"if you ever want something badly,
let it go.
if it comes back to you,
then it's yours forever.
if it doesn't,
then it was never yours to begin with."
indecent proposal
william:
"i live in notting hill. you live in beverly hills.
everyone in the world knows who you are."
anna:
"i'm also just a girl,
standing infront of a boy asking him to love her."
notting hill
"i don't want to need you,
'cause i can't have you."
the bridges of madison county
caroline:
"you love with your heart and soul, not your heart."
adam:
(touching his chest)
"then how come i hurt here when you're not with me?"
untamed heart
jerry:
"i love you.
you...complete me."
dorothy:
"shut up....
just shut up.
you had me at hello...
you had me at hello.."
jerry mcguire
"look, i guarantee that we'll have tough times.
and i guarantee that at some point,
one or both if us will want to get out of this thing.
but i also guarantee that if i don't ask you to be mine
i'll regret this for the rest of my life.
because i know in my heart.
you're the only one for me."
runaway bride
"the greatest thing you'll ever learn
is just to love
and be loved in return.."
moulin rouge
"it's not because i'm lonely.
and it's not because its new year's eve.
i came here tonight because
when you realize you have
to spend the rest of your life
with somebody,
you want the rest of your life
to start as soon as possible."
when harry met sally
[and my all time favorite]
" do you love me?"
"i love you so much...it hurts."
up close and personal
Labels: love, movie lines, ROMANTIC
daggers in my heart
i must have read it a million times, perhaps. i'm rereading it again.i've watched the movie ( an d hannah gave it to me recently as a birthday gift). albert and i used to watch it over and over. he even lost my sister noreene's dvd. but he did replace it with a new one. now, i decided to read it again:
the notebook by nicholas sparks. and no matter how many times, i read it...it still puts a dagger in my heart. i still cry.
"...they didn't agree on much...
in fact they didn't agree on anything...
they fought all the time,
and they challenged each other everyday...
but despite their differences,
they had one important thing in common......
they were crazy about each other..."
- the notebook
[truth is, it reminds me so much of me and ron.
up to this day, this is how our relationship goes.
maybe, that's why i am hooked to the book
because i can relate. =(]
Labels: book, love, movie lines
tinik
Sunday, September 23, 2007
mahapdi ang tinik sa aking dibdib
sa bawat pagdiin ng mga palad ko
sa pagbura sa bakas sa aking mga bisig
mga bahid ng sakit sa paglalakbay
sa madawag na daan, landas sa kabundukan
ng mapagbirong larangan ng pag-ibig.
habang lumalabo ang tinahak na landas
palayo nang palayo sa aking pag-usad
pilit tinatalikuran ang higanteng lumipas
nililinis mga tinik, mantsang di kumupas;
ngunit malalim ang anyong bumakas,
binabalikan ng diwa, binubura ng isip.
maliksi, aninong nakihalubilo, nakisabay ako
sa kanyang mga hakbang, pagsayaw sa mundo,
hanggang ako'y mawala sa sarili at ritmo,
ng hindi mawawaang balat
kayo ng anino,
malabo ang galaw ngunit binigyan ko ng wisyo
gawagawa kong larawan, ang minimithi ko.
nakakapagod ng maghintay, alam ko ang huling
unit anyong makiakbay, hanggang sa dulo..
hanggang luhaan, mabilis, dumalang, ang pagdaloy ng luha sa bisig,
tinig ko na paos,
bulong ay humina, di matawag ang sinisinta,
di masambit, kahit na nakatarak sa abang dibdib.
bakit di mo dininig tunay na pananalita ng puso?
bakit ngayong ayoko ng marinig ang tinig mo,
ika'y pilit na bumubalik?
sa tahimik ko ng mundong akala ko'i iniwan mo na?
ngunit bakit kabaligtaran,
parang walang pag-asa nating magkasama?
bakit pinalaki ang bubot na nating kasaysayan?
bakit ngayon lang kung kelan ako ay lumalarga nang mag-isa?
salawahan ka...
pinabayaan mo lang ang ating pag-ibig.
babalik ka, lilitaw ka, tapos lalayo ka ka rin pala?
pagmamahal pa ba ang turing mo doon?
mapagbiro pala talaga ang ating tadhana.
damdamin ko nga'y napariwara na sa iba.
mapaglaro kasi ang ating puso...
ang pagmamahal pa ba'y meron pa bang hihinatnan?
at ang ating puso...
hindi alam kung saan pupunta.
kung saan dadamay.
pero sa tutoo lang, ako'y pagod na, mahal ko.
ang puso kong ito'y takot na sa mga panata mo.
Labels: brokenheartedness, tagalog
TRANSFORMATION
Friday, September 21, 2007
when i was in the car with mom, she often lectures me about humility:to be humble of my achievements , to set my foot planted on the ground and not to allow my head to get big. she insists being humble harvest rewards in the end because karma is evident. it can hit you when you least expected it. so, you reap what you sow. when you're nice, you reap kindness and respect from other people. what mom does not know is thatshe taught me that lesson long time ago. i remained humble. i am still the same person: that little girl who grew up near the market in the philippines and mingled with the poor, the girl who witnessed her hard work along with papa's effort, too, just to give us the best education, and i'm still the little girl who still discovering herself and attaining her goals humbly.
i've been trying to incorporate one to two hours daily walks with ariel every day. i also attempted to perform light exercises as i can't exert too much pressure on my left foot and ankle and right shoulder yet. i have also switched to vegetarian meals now for about two months and as difficult as it is, i hardly eat rice now a days. i only drink water or 100% natural juices. i also gave up coffee and soda, mind you. well, all my pants are getting loose now. when i wear my body hugging clothes, my evident curves are showing. and now, i get comments like "vavavoom" or "DDG" (stands for drop dead gorgeous) from my friends. it's such a inspiringly flattery gesture.
and the herd of men are flocking in. some caught my choosy interest. but i am no longer the lady who dated every men she met or got hooked up with. my god, have i grown picky with my choices of men?! no more gangsters, no more ghetto, slang talking guys, no more guys who can't spell a word, no more guys who does not love their family, no more men who are not close to the Lord ...well yeah, you might have pictured my list. my strict list of standards now have sclaed up on a higher level now. that explains why i am still single. but it is perfectly okay as it is my task to choose who i think is right for me. he he he.
these strange journey of transformation came by surprise. but one that i am embracing with open arms. i know there are many more to come. and i do welcome the little steps but obviosuly drastic change.
who knows? i'll just shock everybody else later on. i'll keep you posted. =)
Labels: change, life, self esteem
missing...
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
i usually see the sparkling moon shining brightly above the skies when i walk ariel. the twinkling stars around it makes it even more stunning. in my days of stress, it has been part of my destressing medium.
i particularly needed to unstress today. the elongated lists of doctors' appointments are overwhelming. undergoing the medical tests are even scarier( such has having your nerves electricuted or spending two to three hours of your day stuck in a closed suffocating MRI machinein freezing temperature is tediously tiring ) what's the worse part of it all? not knowing what the next diagnosis for me after all these battery tests are exhausting.
to add to that the misery of love life, the hopes of people who come and go, the array of men that your friends "hook you up" with, the exes who attempts to win you back...and here i am, i just can;t get over the pain of a broken heart. and how i wish i can just completely heal.
i walked ariel late tonight. it was around 11 pm already. as usual, i attached the ipod earphones to my ear, blasting with my favorite tunes and endured my daily stroll with my dog. and as usual, i was mesmerized of how clear the sky was. my stars twinkled brightly. but my moon was nowhere to be seen tonight. it might have been covered by the hazy clouds above me. and it felt incomplete.
as i walked around my block, and the cold breezy wind chilled my face, i once again felt so empty. with my arms wrapped around me to warm me from cold, i walked there feeling bare. here i am, i might have almost all the luxury that many asked for but....i am incomplete.
after the routined walk around the block, i felt weirdly puzzled. maybe like the missing moon, there are several things that are missing in my life. and everyday, the same way, i almost twisted my neck, looking where i could find the moon, i search for that missing link.
maybe sometimes, we need not to seek for it. it will just come naturally. like for instance, eventhough, the moon is not visibly present in my sight tonight, i know it is there and it will continue to protect me every night.
maybe, i need not to search what i am looking for or what i think is missing in my life. in its proper time, it will show up like the moon that was missing tonight.
and i'll just wait. i will patiently wait.
Labels: life, love, nature
TONIGHT I CAN WRITE
Saturday, September 15, 2007
"Tonight I Can Write"
By Pablo Neruda
Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
Write, for example, "The night is starry
and the stars are blue and shiver in the distance."
The night wind revovles in the sky and sings.
Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.
Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again, and again under the endless sky.
She loved me, sometimes, I loved her too.
He could one not have loved her great still eyes?
Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her.
To feel that I have lost her.
To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.
What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is starry and she is not with me.
This is all. In the distance someone is singing.
In the distance.
My souls is not satisfied that it has lost her.
My sight tried to find her as though to bring her closer.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.
The same night whitening the same trees.
WE, of that time, are no longer the same.
I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.
Another's. She will be another's.
As she was before my kisses.
Her voice, her bright body. Her infinite eyes.
I no longer love her, that's certain,but maybe I love her.
Love is short, forgetting is so long.
Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.
Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.
Labels: book, brokenheartedness, love, poetry
NOT LOOKING
Thursday, September 13, 2007
"not looking," is the answer i often give when people asked me why i am single. 'not looking' for many reasons. 'not looking' because i'm devastated of historical guys in my past, because inevitable events and unbearable dramas that pulled me away from them, and then, because ....... well, i'm simply scared.
sometimes, i wished there was someone there. i miss someone calling me just to tell me he loves me or just to check how my day is doing or being bombarded my cellphone with mindblowing texts. sometimes, when i see couples holding hands, beach walking, i put on my sunglasses so i would at least block that desire from my eyes. and i wished...and i let out a big sigh.
yet, let me tell you, i am currently blissfully single. the attention i get when i announce to the array of single men (even my own "good" friends) that i am now officially unattached brings them strange and joyous enlightenment. and then they start to open doors for you gentlemanly and weirdly. or call you in the midst of night "just to check if you got home fine." or they hint, "you know, we should hang out more. i mean, like more, you know?" and my reaction: i smile shyly, i bow gracefully, and i walk out secretly flattered.
and then i wonder, "why are guys so attentive to a females' singlehood?" is it the fact that they are free to swoon us again, to put their best foot forward , to lure out into their world again? when we're NOT craving for their attention, the powerful forces of testosterone infested males sway and pursue us like the most coveted jewel. but when we fall in love with them, they stop being the hunter of jewels they once promised to be. and we, to them, we suddenly lost out shining sparkle.
but oh well, i am 'not looking' but i'm amused by the sweet love and tighter friendly hugs i received from my male counterparts. i am 'not looking' but i am flattered by their undivided attention. i am 'not looking' but, the truth is i love the attention. i'm 'not looking' but shhh...i'm certainly 'observing' and i have my own favorites. but...shh...i'm not going to tell you who=).
Labels: love, relationships
FAITH
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
sometimes, i cogitate how other people respond to performing my life if they were in my shoes. filling in my shoes in not an easy task. the grand lists of errands and everyday things i have to do in a day is overwhelming. sometimes, i feel like 24 hours is not enough. while some of has become habitual, half are exhaustingly painful, mentally alarming and emotionally draining.
pain has been a big issue lately. i will not discuss the intensity of it. though my warm face does not show the obvious symptoms ( i put on a big facade most of the time and i hide it because i don't like lovedones worrying about me, ) my MRI's will probably prove it. frustration and irritability play a bigger role, it chokes me a chicken and sometimes, i feel i can't breath from it all. most of the time, i try to convice myself, it's all "mind over matter" as the martial arts mantras dictate. yet, the mind detects pain. it just constrain the body and affects the soul.
regimens of relaxation and meditation are part of my daily routines now. prayers in my head are what keeps me sane. when i am with lovedones or when i talk to them on the phone, i prefer to have doses of laughter. it is after all the best medicine. and if you're there with us, you'll notice that i try to incorporate humors in our conversations. i attempt to keep it enlightening and positive.
although, i have to admit, i hardly show it but there are times when i grow weary. i get too tired and exhausted of life's events. fighting for your life and telling yourself to stay on top of things drain all of your energy. but courage is an unbelievable thing. it brings you to heights of great pursues.
in the end, like i always tell my friends, keep the hope, dig in and find that courageous you. though i am going through those trials right now, i certainly know that there is a rainbow waiting for me. after all, we can not discover new oceans unless we have the courage to lose sight of the shore.
so hold on a little longer...faith, courage and hope awaits. and we'll suffer no more.
That's the beauty of the human mind. To do anything that you want to do.
To trust yourself to test your limits.
[BERNARD EDMONDS]
Labels: hope, life, pain
we will always remember....
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
We remember..September 11th, 2001."The world saw evil that day.."
An image collapsed.
The 2,948 confirmed victims of September 11th 2001 included innocent victims from 84 countries
The youngest victim was 2 years old Christie Hanson - The oldest victim was 85 year old Robert Grant Norton
3,251 children lost a Parent on that day
Freedom through Terror.
we remember, we will always remember.
AMERICAN AIRLINES FLIGHT 11,from Boston, Massachusetts, to Los Angeles, California, crashed into the north tower of the World Trade Center with 92 people on board.
AMERICAN AIRLINES FLIGHT 77,from Washington to Los Angeles, crashed into the Pentagon with 64 people aboard.
UNITED AIRLINES FLIGHT 175, from Boston, Massachusetts, to Los Angeles, California, was the second hijacked plane to strike the World Trade Center, plowing into the south tower. Two pilots, seven flight attendants and 56 passengers were on board.
UNITED AIRLINES FLIGHT 93 from Newark, New Jersey, to San Francisco, California, crashed in rural southwest Pennsylvania, with 45 people on board.
God only takes the BEST..
In loving memory..
Labels: events, news
when..........
Sunday, September 09, 2007
when it rains,
it pours...abundantly!!!my Lord is wonderful.He provides for me financially, spiritually and "socially" (ha!)thank you. Labels: life, LORD, spiritual reveries
ang liham
sa mundong hitech na ito, bihira na ang liham na may selyo. siguro nga maria clara ako pero mas feel ko ang handwritten letters. ewan ko ba, feel ko lang mas may feel yung sinulat na liham ( kahit pa kinopya niya, basta sinulat niya at naglagay siya ng effort para sa sulat na iyon) na pinag-ukulan atensiyon ng manliligaw mo.
ang nakakaloka pa, hindi ko naman inexpect na makakatanggap ng liham sa kanya. darating na raw siya rito sa LA at ako raw ang una niyang pupuntahan. at kugn pagbibigayan ko daw siyang ligawan ako. at huwag mas maloloka ka rito, kaibigan siya ng dating kasintahan kong nanloko sa akin. eh kung sira ulo lang ako, gagamitin ko lang itong kaibigan niya para saktan siya.
pero hindi kaya ng kunsensiya ko. mabait pa rin pala ako. maraming beses ko na gustong maghiganti. subalit naniniwala ako sa karma. bahala na ang karma sa kanya. sa kin lang ay pinatawad ko na siya.
nakakakilig din no? para uli akong nasa high school nung una kong nakatanggap ng love letter. hindi na ako sanay masyado. sa pagkaconservative ko, naduwag akong magreply. alam ko namang darating siya eh.
"que sera, sera," ika nga. malay mo bigay siya ng Diyos sa akin. hehe. pero ayoko munang mag-expect. mas mabuting wala munang expectation. para enjoy lang lahat. lahat naman ng bagay sa mundo ginawa para mag-enjoy tayo di ba?
ikukukwento ko na lang sa inyo uli. eh. bahala si batman!
Labels: men, tagalog, things
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Love is a temporary madness.
It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides.
And when it subsides you have to make a decision.
You have to work out whether your roots
have become so entwined together that
it is inconceivable that you should ever part.
Because this is what love is.
Love is not breathlessness,
it is not excitement,
it is not the promulgation
of promises of eternal passion.
That is just being "in love"
which any of us can convince ourselves we are.
Love itself is what is left over
when being in love has burned away,
and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.
Your mother and I had it,
we had roots that grew towards each other underground,
and when all the pretty blossom had fallen f
rom our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.
Labels: love, poetry
'separation' anxiety
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
ASHES
Saturday, September 01, 2007
ASHES
the ashes of your letters
i burned them all earlier
but the featherwieght ashes, they stayed here.
piled up like a dwarfed hill
i contemplate and wonder:
as your love letters for me turned into gray ashes,
will so your unforgettable memories of me?
the strong wind blew
going towards my direction
the ashy particles blinded my eyes...
temporarily blocking my sight...
i rubbed my teary eyes so hard
until it turned sore and red....
as i squinted and opened my eyes slowly
i noticed a paper
alluringly, waving at me...
i realized,
'twas a torn part of your letter
it escaped being transformed into ash
clearly, i could tell its your familiar handwriting,
in there it was written, "you will always be in my heart."
Labels: love, pain, poetry, things
the artist
poe
"We are all
painters
of our lives-
we choose
the colors,
brushes,
& strokes,
just as we choose
which perspective to depict.
our lives and our stories
becomes our masterpieces"
Labels: life, poetry
