+++ MY SILENT REVERIES +++

to the boy who calls me 'PRINCESS' (you know who you are)

i wonder if you're here in LA.

i received your last missive.

and i'm still counting on your promise of a wonderful time.

see you soon.

<3,>

Labels: dear boy, UNSENT

dear flower giver,

for the first time in years, red roses comes my way. and should i say, i'm flattered. and it could not have come in a better timing when i felt like the world collapsed on me again ( and you did not even know about it).

i'm seeking for the proper words to describe my feelings. i guess, in your weirdest ways, you still show you cared despite the long silence and absence. and for more stranger reasons, i am grateful you even remembered me especially at the most difficult times of my life.

i just hope you remember me more than the times you did not thought of me. because, more than words will ever say, i secretly missed you, too.

<3,>

len

Labels: love, UNSENT

dear boy (dragon dancer),

driving on the 110 south freeway on my way home from glendale while listening to love songs playing onthe radio, i comteplated about having someone there in my life. so many times, i questioned why things can't work out when i want it to be.

in my lonesome moment, my cell phone rang and i was surprised to hear from you on the other line. your life has been busy with school lately and i did not want to intrude into your busy world. and yet, you tried to squeeze me in your occupied life.

in my past, i admitted to you that i must have told you how ideal of a man you were to me. and you've never failed to flirt with me. i tried not to cross that boundary because i did not want it to be like it was with AB before where i crossed the thin line of friendship and i lost him in the end.

and when you call me" beautiful" and "sweetie," or when you tell me, "i deserve someone better," or when you tell me how hurt you were when she broke your heart, or when i i cry to your when my soul is crushed...i can't help but have this admiration for you.

while you are far from me right now, i can't wait to just hug you when you're back here. then you wouldn't have to watch movies by yourself anymore, then you don't have to run miles at the thread mill just to kill time, then we don't have to talk late and morning nights burning our cell minutes away, then you can just hold my hand like you always do when i am next to you.

and so i'll wait for you even just hold my hand...and try not to let go when you do.

<3,>

Labels: love, UNSENT

UNSENT: concealed
Saturday, August 11, 2007

UNSENT: concealed

dear boy RP,

you're clueless to what i go through each day. how can you be there right next to me? how can you even hug me? how can you tell you mom stories about me or what you feel about me...when in my face, you can not tell me what you truly feel?

those monday nights that we talked week by week for the past years or so when you were away, were those planned all along? those sweetly handwritten letters you sent to me, were they part of your scheme? that day you hugged me so tight and held my hands, were those genuinely acted? that day you promised you will be there for me, were those true?

like a sharp knife that stabs my heart,
like a pin that hits a balloon,
like a bullet on a target,
like a big truck running over me,
that's what it's like.
the pain i hid inside.
the pain i get from you.

and yet, crazy me,
i'm just a fool,
because despite of it all,
despite of what makes you, you....
i still love.

<3,
len

Labels: UNSENT