"HANGGANG"
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
as some of you may know, for the first time in a lifelong time, i've broadcasted to the world about my relationship with simon. our love is fairly new but i knew simon for a long time. but like normal couples, we have our own shares of ups and downs.
but i think, what draws me to him is his very expressive unconditional love that he never fails to show me... whether it's the very often dimsum mornings that he never fails to bring me or even just caring for me when i am super sick (especially when i had my operations). most of the people who are close to me can attest to that. above all, he loves my family as much as i love them and they loved him back. my mom adores him, i think =).
in our alone moments, simon often asked me how much i love him or how far i would go for my love for him. each and everytime, i just respond with a quiet smile. i show him naman but i'm not as expressive as he is. he is, by far, the best man i have ever met in every sense of the word. you know, the one who reminds me so much of how my dad loved me and took care of me. better yet, he resembles the genuine love of how much my dad loves my mom. as a child, it is what i wished for and now, simon is that person to me.
what simon does not know...is i love him more than he will ever know. no words can ever describe what i feel. no emotions can ever express how much joy he brings to my heart. no actions can give concrete evidence of how much overflowing bliss he adds to my day.
so with all that said, i was listening to this song on my ipod when i was driving stuck in traffic on the freeway on this rainy afternoon in los angeles
though words are really not sufficient, and really, what i truly feel and my heart's ultimate reaction for him is far beyond what i can even fathom or decipher. yet, this song is the closest interpretation there is if can define how much i love him. perhaps, this song can capture it.
this is not just in lieu of valentines day. i think, simon makes each da with him a valentines day. that's what matters most.
what can i say? to tell you the truth, i once prayed for someone like simon to come into my life. to my surprise, i did not know God will give to me at the time i least expected it.
fate? or i'm just super lucky?
maybe not. God knew it all along. =) it has always been in His vision.
HANGGANG
BY Wency Cornejo
Ilang ulit mo nang, itinatanong sakin
kung hanggang saan,
hanggang saan, hanggang kailan,
hanggang kailan mag tatagal,
ang aking pag mamahal,
hanggang may himig pa akong naririnig,
dito sa'ting daigdig
hanggang may musika akong tinataglay,
kita'y iniibig
giliw wag mo sanang isiping
ikaw ay aking lilisanin,
di ko magagawang
lumayo sayong piling
at nais kong malaman mo
kung gaano kita kamahal
hanggang ang diwa ko'y
tanging sayo laan
mamahalin kailanman
hanggang pag ibig ko'y
hanggang walang hanggan
tanging ikaw lamang
hanggang may himig pa akong naririnig
dito sa'ting daigdig
hanggang may musika akong tinataglay
kita'y iniibig
giliw wag mo sanang isiping
ikaw ay aking lilisanin
di ko magagawang
lumayo sayong piling
at nais kong malaman mo
kung gaano kita kamahal
hanggang may puso akong
marunong mag mahal
na ang sinisigaw ay lagi ng ikaw
hanggang saan hanggang kailan
hanggang kailan kitang mahal
hanggang ang buhay ko'y
kunin ng may kapal
giliw wag mo sanang isipin
ikaw ay aking lilisanin
di ko magagawang
lumayo sayong piling
hanggang may pag ibig
laging isisigaw, tanging ikaw
hanggang may pag ibig
laging isisigaw, tanging ikaw
Labels: love, simon
pillow
Friday, October 10, 2008
rough, rugged, and rocky: sometimes, my life is like toling a high, rigid, and stony mountain. its' intricate uphills and perplexing downhills can be wearisome. often, i disguise what i feel inside. in a crowd, i stand out as i fascinate them with my wit & humor. everyone laughs out loud. behind those convincing giggles, an artificial smile covered my hidden despair. melancholic sadness hides in my teary eyes. yes, i'm in pretention and no one is aware.
secluded, i seeked solace in my quiet solitude. despite my roaring strength and relentless perseverance, i'm gullible to moments of powerlessness and weakness. in my attempts to be numb and impenetrable, i slowly lose my stiff self. wimpy and frail, i sink low, drowning in my own ocean of glooming blues. there, i weeped my close-mouthed woes for hours.
my own life's telenovela is concealed. i guess, no one would ever see. no one would contemplate and know me completely. i wimphered my outcries privately. in fascade, i masked my deep sorrows. as much as possible, i kept my intriguing layers out of sight.
i'm like an onion. you have to peel off the layers to discover the real me. i might have chosen to be confidential and complicated . but i am a mere human. i can feel. i can see. i love. i give. i hurt. i forgive. i forget. i lament. when i am hurt, i sob my barrels of tears.
in my transitory quarantine, i found a reliable companion. though drench in my soggy tears, my fluffy, spongy pillow gave me soothing comfort. i hugged , i cuddled, i snuggled my saturated pillow so tight. dreaming and wishing, it was your strong arms wrapped around me, my pillow seems to warm me in my chilly nights.
only my wet soaked pillow heard when my heartaching agony is screaming. the painful heart
often ignored. the watery eyes often unseen. only my pillow will attest to the abundant tear drops i wailed over you as you said you are unhappy.
undisclosed, weeping remains hidden from a view. oh my...those persistent tears lurk on my pillow. casted, my woes extend into dark depression. unceasing & voiceless, i cry in unspoken still of silence. quietly, i mummed my unuttered prayer,
"my Lord, please provide me with vital stamina to sustain firmess in my times of frailty..."yet, you left. you claim that you do not make me happy. how do you know that? have you seen my eyes? my joyless tears remain unnoticed. do you feel what my heart is saying? it is aching. my mournful yearning was once again unsuccessful. yet and again, i am heavy hearted. downcasted, i drenched my pillow with tears as i force myself to sleep.
Labels: life lessons, love
EPISODES
Friday, May 02, 2008
like the color yellow traffic light, i wait for my turn for the life's traffic light to go green. i scribbled words of mixed emotions: indescribable rollercoaster feelings of being in love and loving back, awkwardness of losing a trusted best friend due to self proclaimed ego, standing strong through the storms of recovery, missing the experience of the normalcy of life. lately, life has been on a halt.
the past months has truly been a test of strength. my best friend and i kind of parted ways. i will nmot detail the arguement. but let's face it, i am truly hurt. i've decicated my 13 years of friendship with her. and despite my anguish, i still worry and think about her. i stilll pray that God protects her and guides her. and that she'll forgive me for whatever harshness i've said. yeah, i have other friends. in fact, i have a lot of friends. but still, life is not the same not having her around. but for right now, life must go on.
physical recovery from an injury is somewhat easy. but the emotional and mental complications along with it is difficult. i am recovering from a long complicated injury that seems to get worse each time i am lying on a MRI machine as specialist detected more damage. words like 'nerve damage,' 'complications,' have been somewhat of a norm. narcotics, muscle and nerve relaxants have been my companion when the physical pain arise. but insomnia kicks in at night and you start thinking. how many days of idleness have passed you by due to all of this? my life of 2 hours sleep a day before is gone. i could have done a million things from these wasted recovery days. this idleness is a killer. and it gets worse as the day goes by.
for most part, love is unexplainable. most of the times, it is wonderful like the cherry on top of the sundae. sometimes, very rare, i taste a bit of tartly sourness like an unripe fruit. no one has loved me like "he" loves me. he is, by far, the greatest man i have dated beyond my wildest dream. who shows up in my house with an iced hazelnut coffee just because he knew i would love that? who takes me to latenight walks on the beach just because he knew i would enjoy that? who goes swimming with me eventhough he admits he's not a great swimmer just so i wouldn't be alone in the siwmming pool? my love does that for me...JUST BECAUSE.
but love isn't all sunshine and roses. we deal with miscommunicating. we say things we don't mean but have said it anyway and hurt each other. sometimes, a mere joke is taken too seriously that you unknowingly pained his ego and his heart. sometimes, i forget how lucky i am and i forget to appreciate all the awesome things and experiences he shares with me. i tell him many times, i am not perfect. i admit i am wrong and i say i am sorry. but i know, apologizing sometimes is not good enough to erase the damage i have done. yet, he forgives me. yet, he loves me.
i can't predict what life will bring me. i can't foretell what stories will come up next or who are the people i will cross path with. in this make believe world of 'fakes," i am simply struggling to be ME, the original. all i know for sure is, this is MY life. and as life hits me with my life's episode, i will just absorb it, writing stories of my life, one moment at a time. i can't do anything with what life gives...there's nowhere to go but to go on, savor it, live it and then tell it.
Labels: friendship, life, life lessons, love, strength
45 things....
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
45 things was adopted from cousin hannah. i was reading it after being low profile on friendster for a while. i'd rather keep my private life private. i get to enjoy it that way. anyway, as i was going through the list, i was making a mental check mark on each one if it applies to my "someone special," and as the list go further, i smiled secretly because "mr. dimsum" carries what the 45 things indicated. moreover, he does MORE things for me. i'm so lucky. i can't even tell you how blessed i am.
45 THINGS....
45 things a girl wants but wont ask...
1. Touch her waist.
2. Actually talk to her.
3. Share secrets with her.
4. Give her your jacket.
5. Kiss her slowly.
Are you remembering this?
6. Hug her.
7. Hold her.
8. Laugh with her.
9. Invite her somewhere.
10. Hangout with her and your friendstogether.
KEEP READING...
1 1. Smile with her.
12. Take pictures with her.
13. Pull her onto your lap.
14. When she says she loves you more,deny it.
Fight back.
15. When her friends say i love hermore than you, deny it. fight back andhug her tight so she can't get to herfriends. it makes her feel loved.
Are you thinking of someone?
16. Always hug her and say I love youwhenever you see her.
17. Kiss her unexpectedly.
18. Hug her from behind around thewaist.
19. Tell her she's beautiful.
20. Tell her the way you feel abouther.One last thing you need to do to showher you actually do mean it...
21. Open doors for her, walk her toher car- it makes her feel protected,plus it never hurts to act like agentleman.
2 2. Tell her she's your everything -only if you mean it.
23. If it seems like there issomething wrong, ask her- if shedenies something being wrong, it meansSHE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT- sojust hug her
24. Make her feel loved.
25-kiss her in front of OTHER girlsyou know!!!!
*WE MIGHT DENY IT BUT WE ACTUALLY LIKEAND KINDA WANT YOU TO TICKLE US...
26-don't lie to HER.
*27-DON'T cheat on her.
28-take her ANYWHERE she wants
29-txt messege or call her in themorning and tell her have a good dayat work {or school}, and how much youMISS her.
30-be there for her when ever sheneeds you, & even when she doesn'tneed you, just be there so she'll knowthat she can ALWAYS count on you.
*ARE YOU STILL READING THIS? YOU BETTERBECAUSE, IT'S IMPORTANT...
31. Hold her close when she's cold soshe can hold YOU too.
32. When you are ALONE hold her closeand kiss her.*
33. Kiss her on the CHEEK; (it willgive her the hint that you want tokiss her).*
34. While in the movies, put your armaround her and then she willautomaticall y put her head on yourshoulder, then lean in and tilt herchin up and kiss her LIGHTLY.
35. Dont EVER tell her to leave evenjokingly or act like you're mad. Ifshes upset, comfort her.
REMEMBER ALL THESE THINGS...
36. When people DISS her, stand up forher.*
37. Look deep into her EYES and tellher you love her.*
38. Lay down under the STARS and puther head on your chest so she canlisten to the steady beat of yourheart, Link your fingers togetherwhile you whisper to her as she restsher eyes and listens to you.
39. When walking next to each othergrab her HAND.*
40. When you hug her HOLD her in yourarms as long as possible*
MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS SHES LOVED
41. Call or text her at night to wishher SWEET DREAMS*
42. COMFORT her when she cries andwipe away her tears.*
43. Take her for LONG walks at night.
44. ALWAYS Remind her how much youlove her.*
45.sit on top of her and tell her howmuch u love her and then bend down toher face and kiss her while sitting onher.you'll never know when she needs justa lil more love
Labels: love
sssssilence sssssolitude...
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
"ssshhh..."
i shut my loud mouth and let my mind and my heart do all the talking.
awake at 4 am, i talked to myself.
please, make the anger subside.
please, tell the hurt to go away.
please, erase the pain.
please, just forgive.
please, just....
please..JUST LOVE.
i will do that.
but first....
let me have my time to think things through...
i need my moment of solitude and silence to get there...
let me have my space to breath...
i need to vent...life is suffocating me lately.
let me be ME...
i can't be someone who i AM NOT.
let me LOVE ME again..
and i will do the rest.
Labels: life, life lessons, love
awake
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
my head hurts but my eyes refused to sleep.
sleepiness declined to invade me.
thoughts of you linger in my head.
i didn't want to hang up.
i've been staring at the blank white wall.
i coul not get you out of my mind.
i could not sleep knowing you're not asleep.
i know you forced yourself to snooze.
but i know you're probably wide awake.
wide awake, thinking of me,
worrying, stressing...
missing me...missing us
wishing for things to get better.
i know.
because i feel the same way.
Labels: breathing space, love, space
the saga of my heart
Thursday, November 08, 2007
not so long ago, my heart looked like this:
hacked into two,
slashed in the middle.
and easy as that,
it was broken.
my heart was rained upon.
it was cold.
it was hurt.
it was blue.
the painful heart continued to hurt. the first blow of brokenheartedness
created more damage.
it was torn apart
broken into little pieces.
but i tried my best to glue all the broken pieces back together.
it's a puzzled heart but it's a whole heart nonetheless.
out of nowhere. unexpected,
another heart joined my lonely heart.
never had i thought
he would bring this heart of mine
life once again.
needless to say, that broken, glued heart, eventually healed on its own.
it created a collage of many hearts.
many hearts i can share to the world
hopefully,
i can cure their pain...
i can give them hope...
i can make them love...
the same way, one person gave me hope to love again.
::thank you HSQ for loving me =)::
Labels: close to my heart, love
breathless
floating in the air...
flying like a bird...
butterflies in my stomach...
sweaty palms of my hand...
crazy sexy smile i can't get rid of...
i feel beautiful inside and out...
because you make me.
damn, it took this long to feel this way again.
having you (HSQ) there,
warming the cold nights,
holding my hands tights,
wrapping me in your strong arms,
you're just incredible.
you leave me breathless.
{i'll see you after lunch =)}
Labels: love
spiritual reveries: REVELATION
Thursday, November 01, 2007
"Kung sinuman ay na kay Cristo,
siya'y bago nang nilalang"
2 Corinthians 5:17
Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up;
do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland."
Isaiah 43:18-19
LORD,
you truly give things to those who patiently wait.
and you give it when we least expected it.
"hsq" said YOU gave ME to him.
what "hsq" doesn't know is that, i prayed for him. =)
i gave HIM to you, Lord,
to serve you and love you like i do.
then wonderful YOU,
you gave him back to me.
unaware,
he was in YOUR plans
to be in my life all through out this strange story.
who would have ever thought of that, really?
for the times, i doubted you
with your plans for me,
please forgive me.
for the times i failed to recognized
your efforts and have sinned
towards other people,
have mercy on me.
mold me, use me, Lord
so i can share your words of wisdom
and awesome LOVE to others who needs you.
what can i say?
ang galing mo talaga, Lord.
you're simply amazing!
and i thank you.
THANK YOU, my Lord.
Labels: love, spiritual reveries
::LUCKY DAY::
Sunday, October 28, 2007
he tells me,
"it's fine. spend time with friends and lovedones.."
and i tell him,
" i just want to be there with you."
last night while in company of great friends,
there isn't a place i would rather be,
but to be in his arms.
while there, i thought of him.
(he showed up in my house an hour before i head out "just" to see me)
while there, i longed for him to call.
(although i forgot my cellphone in my car and the valet driver parked my car already)
while there, i missed his hugs.
(it was cold last night and only his hugs can warm the night)
so knowing the insanely crazy me,
as soon as i got off to see my friends,
i stepped on the accelarotor and rushed to the nearest freeway,
grabbed my cell,
i rung him up,
"i am on the way...."
he asked, "on the way were?"
happily, i responded, "on the way to you!"
nothing can compare to that"butterlies-in-your-stomach" feeling
of seeing him there,
eagerly waiting for me,
wearing his biggest smile,
getting his warmest tightest hug.
he told me earlier that day, he wanted to be with me,
because in chinese calendar, it was a "lucky" day to be married.
then it should be his lucky day to be with me solo (he he he).
but i was caught up with so much activities prior to being with him.
initially,i intended to stay a little bit.
in fact i said: 15 minutes.
it was late at night.
i ended up staying one hour, thirty five minutes.
i left him there couple past midnight.
though it was cloudy and gloomy,
though it rained a little bit,
though we argued a earlier,
though i was busy with errands and friends earlier,
though i was not able to join him at his boss' son's wedding,
through all the whirlwind,
i think about it,
yes, perhaps, he was right.
that day, october 27, 2007
was a LUCKY DAY.
on my drive home,
coincidentally, it was full moon,
i was now wearing the smile,
in fact, i can't help but smile.
Labels: love
UNexpected
Thursday, October 25, 2007
you ever got tired of praying for
someone somewhere who is just worth it to be with?
well, i prayed for that numerous times in my lifetime.
how many instances has it been when i just say,
"please, Lord...no more heartbreaks. give me someone who will take care of me. "
but lately, when i never thought in my wildest dream,
i would bump into someone who loves me more than i could ever imagine.
he is so great...
i'm often left in awe and amazement...
often,
he leaves me breathless and speechless.
beach walks at night...
holding my sweaty hands...
dimsum mornings...
telling me I am GOD sent to him...
what he does not know is i prayed for him.
"he" is the one GOD sent to me.
though it is too soon to foresee what the future holds,
i know one thing for sure, for now, "he" is for keeps.
Labels: love
2252
Thursday, October 04, 2007
how many heartfelt handwritten letters have we written to each other?
how many minutes have we spent in our all nighter phone conversations?
how many endless laughters have we shared?
how many instances have i called you,"crazy?" and you call me, "hey girl?"
how many miles have we travelled together to and from?
how many times will i hear stories about you from your own mother?
how many moments have i stared at your eyes from the rear view mirror?
how many incidents have i watched you walk away or drive off?
how many favors have you asked of me that i did not fulfill?
how many times did you come back to my life each time we drift into silence?
i don't remember the every accurate occurances of each moment i spent my life with you.
i just know know one thing...
it's been 2, 252 days since i let you enter my life.
and i haven' been myself since.
i guess, i'm still counting.
Labels: brokenheartedness, love, relationships
SOMEDAY...my prince will come
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
A message from God:
"No man will ever claim you unless he claims you from me. I have reserved a man for you, who has my heart and loves me even more than he will you. I won't give you unless he asks you from me.
He's asleep, don't wake him, he's busy for me and my kingdom. Soon you will know him, but I have the perfect time.
You are my princess, my daughter. Let no prince claim you unless he asks you from my hand. For I am your Father, the King of Kings.
You, my princess are worth waiting for."
"I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am."
-John 14:3
Someday my Prince will come.
Labels: faith, hope, LORD, love, relationships, spiritual reveries
UNSENT: flower giver
Thursday, September 27, 2007
dear flower giver,
for the first time in years, red roses comes my way. and should i say, i'm flattered. and it could not have come in a better timing when i felt like the world collapsed on me again ( and you did not even know about it).
i'm seeking for the proper words to describe my feelings. i guess, in your weirdest ways, you still show you cared despite the long silence and absence. and for more stranger reasons, i am grateful you even remembered me especially at the most difficult times of my life.
i just hope you remember me more than the times you did not thought of me. because, more than words will ever say, i secretly missed you, too.
Labels: love, UNSENT
LOVE LINES....
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
i don't know if you're like me. but when i watched sappy movies, i usually remember my favorite lovelines from the movies. these are just some of them.
"if you love someone you say it,
you say it right then,
out loud,
or the moment just... passes you by."
my best friend's wedding
"if you ever want something badly,
let it go.
if it comes back to you,
then it's yours forever.
if it doesn't,
then it was never yours to begin with."
indecent proposal
william:
"i live in notting hill. you live in beverly hills.
everyone in the world knows who you are."
anna:
"i'm also just a girl,
standing infront of a boy asking him to love her."
notting hill
"i don't want to need you,
'cause i can't have you."
the bridges of madison county
caroline:
"you love with your heart and soul, not your heart."
adam:
(touching his chest)
"then how come i hurt here when you're not with me?"
untamed heart
jerry:
"i love you.
you...complete me."
dorothy:
"shut up....
just shut up.
you had me at hello...
you had me at hello.."
jerry mcguire
"look, i guarantee that we'll have tough times.
and i guarantee that at some point,
one or both if us will want to get out of this thing.
but i also guarantee that if i don't ask you to be mine
i'll regret this for the rest of my life.
because i know in my heart.
you're the only one for me."
runaway bride
"the greatest thing you'll ever learn
is just to love
and be loved in return.."
moulin rouge
"it's not because i'm lonely.
and it's not because its new year's eve.
i came here tonight because
when you realize you have
to spend the rest of your life
with somebody,
you want the rest of your life
to start as soon as possible."
when harry met sally
[and my all time favorite]
" do you love me?"
"i love you so much...it hurts."
up close and personal
Labels: love, movie lines, ROMANTIC
daggers in my heart
i must have read it a million times, perhaps. i'm rereading it again.i've watched the movie ( an d hannah gave it to me recently as a birthday gift). albert and i used to watch it over and over. he even lost my sister noreene's dvd. but he did replace it with a new one. now, i decided to read it again:
the notebook by nicholas sparks. and no matter how many times, i read it...it still puts a dagger in my heart. i still cry.
"...they didn't agree on much...
in fact they didn't agree on anything...
they fought all the time,
and they challenged each other everyday...
but despite their differences,
they had one important thing in common......
they were crazy about each other..."
- the notebook
[truth is, it reminds me so much of me and ron.
up to this day, this is how our relationship goes.
maybe, that's why i am hooked to the book
because i can relate. =(]
Labels: book, love, movie lines
missing...
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
i usually see the sparkling moon shining brightly above the skies when i walk ariel. the twinkling stars around it makes it even more stunning. in my days of stress, it has been part of my destressing medium.
i particularly needed to unstress today. the elongated lists of doctors' appointments are overwhelming. undergoing the medical tests are even scarier( such has having your nerves electricuted or spending two to three hours of your day stuck in a closed suffocating MRI machinein freezing temperature is tediously tiring ) what's the worse part of it all? not knowing what the next diagnosis for me after all these battery tests are exhausting.
to add to that the misery of love life, the hopes of people who come and go, the array of men that your friends "hook you up" with, the exes who attempts to win you back...and here i am, i just can;t get over the pain of a broken heart. and how i wish i can just completely heal.
i walked ariel late tonight. it was around 11 pm already. as usual, i attached the ipod earphones to my ear, blasting with my favorite tunes and endured my daily stroll with my dog. and as usual, i was mesmerized of how clear the sky was. my stars twinkled brightly. but my moon was nowhere to be seen tonight. it might have been covered by the hazy clouds above me. and it felt incomplete.
as i walked around my block, and the cold breezy wind chilled my face, i once again felt so empty. with my arms wrapped around me to warm me from cold, i walked there feeling bare. here i am, i might have almost all the luxury that many asked for but....i am incomplete.
after the routined walk around the block, i felt weirdly puzzled. maybe like the missing moon, there are several things that are missing in my life. and everyday, the same way, i almost twisted my neck, looking where i could find the moon, i search for that missing link.
maybe sometimes, we need not to seek for it. it will just come naturally. like for instance, eventhough, the moon is not visibly present in my sight tonight, i know it is there and it will continue to protect me every night.
maybe, i need not to search what i am looking for or what i think is missing in my life. in its proper time, it will show up like the moon that was missing tonight.
and i'll just wait. i will patiently wait.
Labels: life, love, nature
TONIGHT I CAN WRITE
Saturday, September 15, 2007
"Tonight I Can Write"
By Pablo Neruda
Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
Write, for example, "The night is starry
and the stars are blue and shiver in the distance."
The night wind revovles in the sky and sings.
Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.
Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again, and again under the endless sky.
She loved me, sometimes, I loved her too.
He could one not have loved her great still eyes?
Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her.
To feel that I have lost her.
To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.
What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is starry and she is not with me.
This is all. In the distance someone is singing.
In the distance.
My souls is not satisfied that it has lost her.
My sight tried to find her as though to bring her closer.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.
The same night whitening the same trees.
WE, of that time, are no longer the same.
I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.
Another's. She will be another's.
As she was before my kisses.
Her voice, her bright body. Her infinite eyes.
I no longer love her, that's certain,but maybe I love her.
Love is short, forgetting is so long.
Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.
Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.
Labels: book, brokenheartedness, love, poetry
NOT LOOKING
Thursday, September 13, 2007
"not looking," is the answer i often give when people asked me why i am single. 'not looking' for many reasons. 'not looking' because i'm devastated of historical guys in my past, because inevitable events and unbearable dramas that pulled me away from them, and then, because ....... well, i'm simply scared.
sometimes, i wished there was someone there. i miss someone calling me just to tell me he loves me or just to check how my day is doing or being bombarded my cellphone with mindblowing texts. sometimes, when i see couples holding hands, beach walking, i put on my sunglasses so i would at least block that desire from my eyes. and i wished...and i let out a big sigh.
yet, let me tell you, i am currently blissfully single. the attention i get when i announce to the array of single men (even my own "good" friends) that i am now officially unattached brings them strange and joyous enlightenment. and then they start to open doors for you gentlemanly and weirdly. or call you in the midst of night "just to check if you got home fine." or they hint, "you know, we should hang out more. i mean, like more, you know?" and my reaction: i smile shyly, i bow gracefully, and i walk out secretly flattered.
and then i wonder, "why are guys so attentive to a females' singlehood?" is it the fact that they are free to swoon us again, to put their best foot forward , to lure out into their world again? when we're NOT craving for their attention, the powerful forces of testosterone infested males sway and pursue us like the most coveted jewel. but when we fall in love with them, they stop being the hunter of jewels they once promised to be. and we, to them, we suddenly lost out shining sparkle.
but oh well, i am 'not looking' but i'm amused by the sweet love and tighter friendly hugs i received from my male counterparts. i am 'not looking' but i am flattered by their undivided attention. i am 'not looking' but, the truth is i love the attention. i'm 'not looking' but shhh...i'm certainly 'observing' and i have my own favorites. but...shh...i'm not going to tell you who=).
Labels: love, relationships
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Love is a temporary madness.
It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides.
And when it subsides you have to make a decision.
You have to work out whether your roots
have become so entwined together that
it is inconceivable that you should ever part.
Because this is what love is.
Love is not breathlessness,
it is not excitement,
it is not the promulgation
of promises of eternal passion.
That is just being "in love"
which any of us can convince ourselves we are.
Love itself is what is left over
when being in love has burned away,
and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.
Your mother and I had it,
we had roots that grew towards each other underground,
and when all the pretty blossom had fallen f
rom our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.
Labels: love, poetry
