the past months has truly been a test of strength. my best friend and i kind of parted ways. i will nmot detail the arguement. but let's face it, i am truly hurt. i've decicated my 13 years of friendship with her. and despite my anguish, i still worry and think about her. i stilll pray that God protects her and guides her. and that she'll forgive me for whatever harshness i've said. yeah, i have other friends. in fact, i have a lot of friends. but still, life is not the same not having her around. but for right now, life must go on.
physical recovery from an injury is somewhat easy. but the emotional and mental complications along with it is difficult. i am recovering from a long complicated injury that seems to get worse each time i am lying on a MRI machine as specialist detected more damage. words like 'nerve damage,' 'complications,' have been somewhat of a norm. narcotics, muscle and nerve relaxants have been my companion when the physical pain arise. but insomnia kicks in at night and you start thinking. how many days of idleness have passed you by due to all of this? my life of 2 hours sleep a day before is gone. i could have done a million things from these wasted recovery days. this idleness is a killer. and it gets worse as the day goes by.
for most part, love is unexplainable. most of the times, it is wonderful like the cherry on top of the sundae. sometimes, very rare, i taste a bit of tartly sourness like an unripe fruit. no one has loved me like "he" loves me. he is, by far, the greatest man i have dated beyond my wildest dream. who shows up in my house with an iced hazelnut coffee just because he knew i would love that? who takes me to latenight walks on the beach just because he knew i would enjoy that? who goes swimming with me eventhough he admits he's not a great swimmer just so i wouldn't be alone in the siwmming pool? my love does that for me...JUST BECAUSE.
but love isn't all sunshine and roses. we deal with miscommunicating. we say things we don't mean but have said it anyway and hurt each other. sometimes, a mere joke is taken too seriously that you unknowingly pained his ego and his heart. sometimes, i forget how lucky i am and i forget to appreciate all the awesome things and experiences he shares with me. i tell him many times, i am not perfect. i admit i am wrong and i say i am sorry. but i know, apologizing sometimes is not good enough to erase the damage i have done. yet, he forgives me. yet, he loves me.
i can't predict what life will bring me. i can't foretell what stories will come up next or who are the people i will cross path with. in this make believe world of 'fakes," i am simply struggling to be ME, the original. all i know for sure is, this is MY life. and as life hits me with my life's episode, i will just absorb it, writing stories of my life, one moment at a time. i can't do anything with what life gives...there's nowhere to go but to go on, savor it, live it and then tell it.
Labels: friendship, life, life lessons, love, strength
posted by pinay freestyle @ 11:54 AM
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