i'm an unconcealed book. i've been open about engaging my everyday life here (and on my private blogs). in fact, i took the risk to share my unsaid stories with the world wide web and even to the unknown readers of my blogs. i revealed the obscured, disguised "norilen" that only a few of my close friends really know. i've given way for hungry gossip seekers to talk about me, to invade my private life. i've shared my space with people who do not even know me but judged me anyway.

when i decided to become transparent to the world, i, sometimes, i feel like i'm being watched from a closed circuit TV camera. through the information i disclosed here through the pictures, my shout outs and my entries, my once enclosed life of privy suddenly became visible. informations to the next, details of me are unraveled.

for instance, my wide array of piciures might have showed material things i collected and enjoyed. poses with friends and lovedones may have uncovered activities we liked to do together. heck, my hobbies and interests are even enlisted. but above all, my daily blog ramblings attests to who really is the real me.

my unknown mysteries were screened mystically: the many times i loved and got my heart broken, the simple inspiring conquers i made, the untold desires of my soul, the struggle of a fighting spirit, the physical pain of my body. the unseen me was then enigmatically exposed.

as the layers of my covers are peeled off, i felt bare and naked. i am judged from my subtle perplexity, vague decisions, intricately mixed actions of child's and adult's play. i felt i am no longer me. sometimes, i found out also that people from my past found access here just to check how i am doing. sometimes, even taking it to their advantage to ruin me as they tarnished the image i built from hardwork and sweat. sometimes, breaking me into debris again.

for months now, i stayed mum. there were even circumstances that i did not want to go online. and if i did, i hid from the world. the truth is, i realized, it was better that way: that my private life remains private. that sometimes, being under wraps does not necessarily mean selfishness but courageousness because i am protecting myself and the people around me.

the new sly version of me gives me a stealth of freedom and a new sense of normalcy. i don't have to be that open book anymore. i can do things i love and like without any one interferring or invading my space or judging my actions. i can shut my mouth and enjoy what life has to offer without sharing anything.

once again, i decided to succumb back to my secret, puzzling, labyrinth. and really, if i can just describe to you how wonderful it is to have my incognito self once again. being impenetrable and undecipherable makes me powerful. i maybe, incommunicative, but i am communicating the best way i can---in silence. i maybe complicated but yet, i still leave you bewildered and wondering.

Labels: SELF

posted by pinay freestyle @ 2:29 PM