+++ MY SILENT REVERIES +++

Morning and Mourning Weeps
Friday, June 16, 2017

I was awake at dawn as my hubs work early in the morning and I prepared his breakfast.

As soon as he left, I was sipping my morning coffee and open d up the TV.

A show on television reminded me of Tianshi.

And all of the sudden, unexpectedly, the tears started falling again.

Many things...

Ichad, my nephew, is finally graduating college in a few days a

How time flies: the baby I used to cradle in my arms is now going to be a college grad.

It's an emotional chapter for me to watch him grow into the man he has become.

Yesterday also, upon curiosity, I googled my ex online.

Not that I had to, I was curious of what has happened to him.

What came up was NOT what I expected at all.

I thought all this time, his life would have been better without me.

Before I married RJ, I truly have forgiven him for whatever hurt that has been.

And beyond everything, I truly wished the best for him.

Well, unfortunately, he is locked up for reasons beyond I could ever know.

I thought about his family and his life.

I know his birthday is coming up soon.

I wonder what he has done again this time.

Yet, I continue to pray for him.

I continue to pray that God will guide him.

Strangely, I am saddened by this news.

Thirdly, I was reminded of Tianshi.

What life could have been like if God did not take him away?

What would our life be if he survived the ordeal?

The other day, a white butterfly kept following me again.

And why do I feel in my heart that it was Tianshi?

I feel his presence in my life everyday.

And all that I do now makes me think about Tianshi.

I know he is there.

6 years passed and I thought I would refrain from crying.

And yet, the pain remained.

The mourning has not ceased.

The grief still pains me.

And it is hard...

BUT life goes on.

Lastly, the future scares me.

I have so many dreams.

I have them all listed.

One by one, I am taking them off my check list.

But God knows the prayers of my heart.

He knows what dreams I want the most.

May He answer those soon, is all I pray.

Crying and weeping...

Wiping the tears away...

Is it the morning or am I still mourning?

I do not know exactly.

I'm overwhelmed with roller coasters of emotions.

God help me just ease the pain.

I know someday I'll see all the gains

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MY SILENT REVERIES

writing is my passion. i created silent reveries years ago to vent out things i could not tell the world. it was my private, modern tech approach to scribbling my thoughts and emotions in a journal. in here, i can feely be who i am. i could cry my woes, i can love freely, i can grieve over a broken heart, i can celebrate the joys in my heart, i can rejoice with my accomplishments, i can tell stories of remarkable friendships and unforgettable connections i made with extraordinary people SECRETLY AND SILENTLY without worrying people might judge me. i hid under the name PINAY FREESTYLE.

but eventually, some people gained access to my secret place. so i opened my doors to them in the purpose that i could inspire them: to be better versions of themselves and to share themselves to the world. slowly, i embraced my readers as a part of my life. i welcomed the strange idea that my untold life stories and unconcealed revelations could be of help to others, to love and accept themselves as they are. and i, i came out from the animosity. i eventually became just the regular LEN - the nickname my family & friends call me.

i developed stories of love, of letting go, of falling in love all over again. i made great friendships. but if there's one thing i was particularly proud of, it was my undenying love for the LORD. i wrote and made soul searching, heart wrenching entries i entitled, "SPIRITUAL REVERIES" which you will find many here. it was my productive way to heal myself from twinge and while i am at it, i could also mend others spirits along the way and bring them back up to par with their faith and relationships with God. it has not stop there. it's still a constant journey.

and so, for as long as i can, i vowed to tell my memorable reflections,i have unmasked the hidden me. and the seeking and searching of life's meaning and purpose is not over. LIFE is a long road of discovering. and i still yet to discover many wonders of this world and satisfy my unending curiosity. but be warned. you can either love me or hate me. but i don't care. this is me: sripped and bare as i can be.

so i invite you into my chaotic unperfect world. join me in my whirlwind new travels of diving into the unknowns. let me share my life with you all over again. come in, as i tell you my SILENT REVERIES.

love,
len

DISCOVER ME: who is the lady behind the blogs?

"I want to have a personal light, the glow of oneself that comes from sheer willpower, the light of someone who has made important sacrifices in the name of things I think are important."

---Paulo Coelho's "Eleven Minutes"

my name is len. people always tend to judge me without discovering who i really am. i might look intimidating, a typical shop girl, and i act like a crazy party girl on the weekend. but i actually have brains. and i own an even bigger heart. the truth is, beyond the louis vuitton bags, beyond the lavish parties, the excessive passion to travel and the desire to get to know the world, if you got to know the REAL ME, i am really just a simple girl. my only desire is to be loved for who i am.

"

REACH ME if you want to get to know me better, if you want to share your thoughts, if you want to be my friend, don't hesitate: you can find me at

::EMAIL ME @ AOL::
:: EMAIL ME @ GMAIL
::FACEBOOK::
::AOL IM: XLENDCX::
::yahoo: YM::
::MYSPACE::
PREVIOUS POSTS

6 years.
2017 updates
I'm getting married!
ENGAGED!
3 years
To That Person I Fell In Love With When the Timing...
Beginnings
Reflection: $100 PER HOUR
Spiritual Reverie: BETTER THAN I
For the man who taught me how to love again

DAILY DOSE OF ME my other blogs: in case, you're not tired of me yet =)

::GOOD THINGS::
life is all about appreciating the simple things

::YACKETY YACKS::
pinay chatter box: much ado about nothing =)

CONTRIBUTIONS articles and works i've done for other e-zines through the years

binibini.org: KEYCHAIN
binibini.org: FAREWELL
binibini.org: SA GITNA NG GABI

HABITUATE fellow bloggers who keeps me entertained and sane

::ernie::
::joyce::
::eric ahn::
::pammy::
::champuru::
::maldito/glenn::
::mica::
::tintin::
::batjay::
::rijah::
::carol::
::christine::

ADDICTION these are a few of my favorite things...

::louis vuitton::
::ugg australia::
::armani exchange::
::h & m::
::banana republic::
::target::
PAMPER ME in this stressful world, i need relaxation. places i hibernate to and hide away from the world. here are some of my favorite spots.

::olympic spa::
::pho siam thai spa::
:: raya spa::
::japanese garden::
::redondo beach::

FREQUENTS embracing life in los angeles: a day in a life in my shoes

::monte carlo cafe::
::THE GROVE::
::coffee bean::
::barnes and noble::
::starbucks::

GOBBLE GOBBLE [L.A.STYLE] food over matter los angeles style =)

::todai::
::sanamluang::
::hodori::
::alcove::
::portos::
::mayflower::
::tommy's::
::roscoe's::
::philippes::
::thai bbq::
::the pantry::
::pinks::
::koji's::
::kabuki::

QUERRIES i don't know everything. so these are the sites i go to answer my inquisitive inquiries, obtain html coldes, and upload my pictures.

::google::
::yahoo::
::ask::
::photobucket::
::blogger::

ARCHIVES