my revenge
Monday, January 26, 2009
i contemplate to decipher and describe the twinge and torment that assailed on us. fiery careless words of others lambasted my lovedones like flaying bullwhips slapped on the backs and rears, with its sharp edge tailed knots and metalled stars tore the skin and flesh of the punished. their scorching balls of hatred thrown directly at us igniting our preserved dignities into blowtorch flames into charred ashes. we walked away and turned our backs from pursuing these battles but they pulled the trigger of loaded guns of lies, propelled and launched at us execution style.

i wanted to fight back. i could have interferred and blocked their merciless whipping with my strong wooden knight shields. that way they can also experience the sharpness of the bullwhips blades planted on their skin. i could have caught the balls of fury. i could have created a bigger ball and threw it back to them so they know how it felt like to be ignited in flame. i could have dispatch a rifle myself, i could have fling it towards the opposite direction, and blast it off to them with a bigger bang. i could have made a gigantic explosion.

the pain bursting in my heart, the multiplying damaging words they threw at us, the dishonest accusations, their denial to the truth, i probably would have. the burning desire within me tells me to defend my lovedones also, to straighten up the matter, to tell their own odors, too... i knew i could have...i could have done that easily. i wanted to. i would have. i could have...
but i decided NOT to do it.

with all my might, with all my remaining control, with my head bowed down, with my knees kneeled on the floor, with tears flowing down from my eyes, with my hands in praying position...i asked the Lord to forgive my evil thoughts and to purify my heart instead. with my humbled heart, i asked for His mercy. i asked for His blessing. i asked Him for strength.

perhaps...my revenge...is in His will. my revenge is to repent...to understand them more no matter how much it hurts. my mom and dad taught me to throw bread when they hit me with rocks. the bible said to love your enemies like your neighbors no matter how much they betrayed you, despite the lasting wounds that turned to scars they left you.

a friend once reminded me, "we are built by God not to shrink down into less version of ourselves. we are built by God to blossom into more. "

perhaps...my greatest revenge to their angry words...is to forgive with an open heart and with open arms.

and so HELP ME, GOD.

Isaiah 40:31 (30 kb)

Psalm 30:5 [32 kb]




Psalm 23
A psalm of David.


1 The LORD is my shepherd,
I shall not be in want.

2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
He leads me beside quiet waters,

3 He restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for His name's sake.

4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

"We are pressed on every side by troubles,
BUT we are NOT crushed and broken.
We are perplexed,
BUT we DO NOT give up and quit.
We are hunted down,
but God NEVER abandons us.
We get knocked down,
BUT we get up again and keep going."

2 Corinthians 4:8-9

Psalm 23 [53 kb]

Jeremiah 32:17 (29 kb)



Deuteronomy 32:11

2 Corinthians 12:9 [41 kb]

Lamentations 3:22-23 (32 kb)

Romans 8:28 [33 kb]

Psalm 139

For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.
1 O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.

Matthew 5:11-12 [47 kb]


1 Peter 5:7 [29 kb]

Psalm 46:1-2 [63 kb]


"Like an eagle that stirs up its nest,
That hovers over its young,
He spread His wings and caught them,
He carried them on His pinions."

Deuteronomy 32:11

"My brethen, count it all joys
when you fall into various trials,
knowing that that the testing
of your faith produces patience.
But let patience have its perfect work,
that you may be perfect and complete;
lacking nothing. "

James 1:2-4

God said to me, " my grace is sufficient for you; fo rmy power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore, I will boast all more gladly about my weakness so that Christ's power may rest upon me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

"Be glad! There is a wonderful joy ahead!
Eventhough it is necessary for you
to endure many trials for a while.
These trials are only for a while.
These are only to test your faith,
to show that it is strong and pure.
It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold
---Your faith is far more precious than gold."

1 Peter 1:6-7

"God's loyal love could not have run out.
God's merciful love could not have dried up.
They are created new every morning.
How great is your faithfulness!"

Lamentations 3:22-23

"All things work together for those who love God; to those who are called according to His purpose."

Romans 8:28


Psalm 139

For the director of music.
Of David.
A psalm.

1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.

2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.

3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.

4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.

5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.

6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?

8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,

10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"

12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!

18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.

19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!

20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.

21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD,
and abhor those who rise up against you?

22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.

24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.





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MY SILENT REVERIES
writing is my passion. i created silent reveries years ago to vent out things i could not tell the world. it was my private, modern tech approach to scribbling my thoughts and emotions in a journal. in here, i can feely be who i am. i could cry my woes, i can love freely, i can grieve over a broken heart, i can celebrate the joys in my heart, i can rejoice with my accomplishments, i can tell stories of remarkable friendships and unforgettable connections i made with extraordinary people SECRETLY AND SILENTLY without worrying people might judge me. i hid under the name PINAY FREESTYLE.

but eventually, some people gained access to my secret place. so i opened my doors to them in the purpose that i could inspire them: to be better versions of themselves and to share themselves to the world. slowly, i embraced my readers as a part of my life. i welcomed the strange idea that my untold life stories and unconcealed revelations could be of help to others, to love and accept themselves as they are. and i, i came out from the animosity. i eventually became just the regular LEN - the nickname my family & friends call me.

i developed stories of love, of letting go, of falling in love all over again. i made great friendships. but if there's one thing i was particularly proud of, it was my undenying love for the LORD. i wrote and made soul searching, heart wrenching entries i entitled, "SPIRITUAL REVERIES" which you will find many here. it was my productive way to heal myself from twinge and while i am at it, i could also mend others spirits along the way and bring them back up to par with their faith and relationships with God. it has not stop there. it's still a constant journey.

and so, for as long as i can, i vowed to tell my memorable reflections,i have unmasked the hidden me. and the seeking and searching of life's meaning and purpose is not over. LIFE is a long road of discovering. and i still yet to discover many wonders of this world and satisfy my unending curiosity. but be warned. you can either love me or hate me. but i don't care. this is me: sripped and bare as i can be.

so i invite you into my chaotic unperfect world. join me in my whirlwind new travels of diving into the unknowns. let me share my life with you all over again. come in, as i tell you my SILENT REVERIES.

love,
len


DISCOVER ME: who is the lady behind the blogs?



"I want to have a personal light, the glow of oneself that comes from sheer willpower, the light of someone who has made important sacrifices in the name of things I think are important."

---Paulo Coelho's "Eleven Minutes"

my name is len. people always tend to judge me without discovering who i really am. i might look intimidating, a typical shop girl, and i act like a crazy party girl on the weekend. but i actually have brains. and i own an even bigger heart. the truth is, beyond the louis vuitton bags, beyond the lavish parties, the excessive passion to travel and the desire to get to know the world, if you got to know the REAL ME, i am really just a simple girl. my only desire is to be loved for who i am.

"









REACH ME if you want to get to know me better, if you want to share your thoughts, if you want to be my friend, don't hesitate: you can find me at


::EMAIL ME @ AOL::
:: EMAIL ME @ GMAIL
::FACEBOOK::
::AOL IM: XLENDCX::
::yahoo: YM::
::MYSPACE::
PREVIOUS POSTS
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6 years.
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Spiritual Reverie: BETTER THAN I


DAILY DOSE OF ME my other blogs: in case, you're not tired of me yet =)


::GOOD THINGS::
life is all about appreciating the simple things

::YACKETY YACKS::
pinay chatter box: much ado about nothing =)

CONTRIBUTIONS articles and works i've done for other e-zines through the years




binibini.org: KEYCHAIN
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HABITUATE fellow bloggers who keeps me entertained and sane




::ernie::
::joyce::
::eric ahn::
::pammy::
::champuru::
::maldito/glenn::
::mica::
::tintin::
::batjay::
::rijah::
::carol::
::christine::

ADDICTION these are a few of my favorite things...




::louis vuitton::
::ugg australia::
::armani exchange::
::h & m::
::banana republic::
::target::
PAMPER ME in this stressful world, i need relaxation. places i hibernate to and hide away from the world. here are some of my favorite spots.




::olympic spa::
::pho siam thai spa::
:: raya spa::
::japanese garden::
::redondo beach::

FREQUENTS embracing life in los angeles: a day in a life in my shoes



::monte carlo cafe::
::THE GROVE::
::coffee bean::
::barnes and noble::
::starbucks::

GOBBLE GOBBLE [L.A.STYLE] food over matter los angeles style =)




::todai::
::sanamluang::
::hodori::
::alcove::
::portos::
::mayflower::
::tommy's::
::roscoe's::
::philippes::
::thai bbq::
::the pantry::
::pinks::
::koji's::
::kabuki::

QUERRIES i don't know everything. so these are the sites i go to answer my inquisitive inquiries, obtain html coldes, and upload my pictures.




::google::
::yahoo::
::ask::
::photobucket::
::blogger::

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