UNSENT: Starting line
Monday, May 28, 2012
Dear Dimsum, We crossed paths again. We're talking again. It's nice to hear your voice and to know what's going with your life. It's been a while you know. Almost seven long months to be exact. A lot has changed. We have lived our separate lives. We have left each other in silence. We have given each other adequate space. After the loss of our angel. My ex (who used me like he said to you) has been spreading rumors about me and about my past history with him. I have turned my back on him. The last time I saw him was 07-07-07. Perhaps, he was partially right. He might have used me and I am stupid for letting him do so. If he claimed we weren't together, that's on him. I've got handwritten letters to prove. I don't need anything. Perhaps, you can talk to his mom Agatha. She'll tell you our story.I don't have to explain my past. God knows what I did to love him. My judgement is with God. And now,US: not the US together as a couple but the US as two separate persons with individual lives. There was a lot of untold stories. There were anger kept inside. There were questions waiting to be answered. There were so many "why's?" I yearned for the answers. I never got it. Some of it, you somehow told me. I don't think I'll ever know. But you know, I will just be grateful for this particular moment given to us by God to be cordial and civilized to each other. There were so much angst and pain before. The fact that we are talking and we are getting along for the sake of our angel's memory, I am thankful. It would have been what our angel wanted: just for us to be at peace with each other. And yet, I still care for you. I am concerned for you. When you told me that girl hurt you and played you like a fool, I pitied you. Because I know what it was like to be hurt, used and left by someone I loved like you did to me. But you know, I had to pick the broken pieces of myself and put myself back together. On my own. By myself. It was the saddest feeling ever. I was torn and shattered. But I had to live no matter how dead I felt inside. Then as I listened to your story, I felt sorry. Because I care for you enough that you are the father of my son who is now in heaven. If you felt like no one was there, I wanted to be the person you can lean on or just try anyway because I didn't want you to go through what I've been through. Not because I wanted the past back nor do I want to rewind our history but it is because that's the human soul's call to help. And I wanted to I'm reaching out. Slowly and carefully calculating my moves. I'm not sure if that's the best move. But it's a step to bridge our gap and let go of the pain and the wounds of our pasts. I wanted to just forgive (which I've done a long time ago) and forget. And to be anger free and pain free. And to accept you in my life as a friend. At least, we'll start there again just like last time. I'm not sure where this is going. One day, you'll cross path into this blog again. And you will read this. And I meant everything I said. Weirdly, i am thinking of you. and I am missing you. But most of all, I miss our angel. Maybe our angel led us together. Maybe this was his way of reuniting us. So, we'll just let it be. I'll let nature and our angel take us to where it wants to take us. Are we friends? I don't know. I'm humbled by this moment. I have nothing but heartfelt thanks for the chance to even just talk to you peacefully. And we'll start there. Let's start there. God bless you. I'm just here when you need me. And as always, I'll see you and my angel in my dreams. Love, "Princess"

MY SILENT REVERIES
writing is my passion. i created silent reveries years ago to vent out things i could not tell the world. it was my private, modern tech approach to scribbling my thoughts and emotions in a journal. in here, i can feely be who i am. i could cry my woes, i can love freely, i can grieve over a broken heart, i can celebrate the joys in my heart, i can rejoice with my accomplishments, i can tell stories of remarkable friendships and unforgettable connections i made with extraordinary people SECRETLY AND SILENTLY without worrying people might judge me. i hid under the name PINAY FREESTYLE.

but eventually, some people gained access to my secret place. so i opened my doors to them in the purpose that i could inspire them: to be better versions of themselves and to share themselves to the world. slowly, i embraced my readers as a part of my life. i welcomed the strange idea that my untold life stories and unconcealed revelations could be of help to others, to love and accept themselves as they are. and i, i came out from the animosity. i eventually became just the regular LEN - the nickname my family & friends call me.

i developed stories of love, of letting go, of falling in love all over again. i made great friendships. but if there's one thing i was particularly proud of, it was my undenying love for the LORD. i wrote and made soul searching, heart wrenching entries i entitled, "SPIRITUAL REVERIES" which you will find many here. it was my productive way to heal myself from twinge and while i am at it, i could also mend others spirits along the way and bring them back up to par with their faith and relationships with God. it has not stop there. it's still a constant journey.

and so, for as long as i can, i vowed to tell my memorable reflections,i have unmasked the hidden me. and the seeking and searching of life's meaning and purpose is not over. LIFE is a long road of discovering. and i still yet to discover many wonders of this world and satisfy my unending curiosity. but be warned. you can either love me or hate me. but i don't care. this is me: sripped and bare as i can be.

so i invite you into my chaotic unperfect world. join me in my whirlwind new travels of diving into the unknowns. let me share my life with you all over again. come in, as i tell you my SILENT REVERIES.

love,
len


DISCOVER ME: who is the lady behind the blogs?



"I want to have a personal light, the glow of oneself that comes from sheer willpower, the light of someone who has made important sacrifices in the name of things I think are important."

---Paulo Coelho's "Eleven Minutes"

my name is len. people always tend to judge me without discovering who i really am. i might look intimidating, a typical shop girl, and i act like a crazy party girl on the weekend. but i actually have brains. and i own an even bigger heart. the truth is, beyond the louis vuitton bags, beyond the lavish parties, the excessive passion to travel and the desire to get to know the world, if you got to know the REAL ME, i am really just a simple girl. my only desire is to be loved for who i am.

"









REACH ME if you want to get to know me better, if you want to share your thoughts, if you want to be my friend, don't hesitate: you can find me at


::EMAIL ME @ AOL::
:: EMAIL ME @ GMAIL
::FACEBOOK::
::AOL IM: XLENDCX::
::yahoo: YM::
::MYSPACE::
PREVIOUS POSTS
Morning and Mourning Weeps
6 years.
2017 updates
I'm getting married!
ENGAGED!
3 years
To That Person I Fell In Love With When the Timing...
Beginnings
Reflection: $100 PER HOUR
Spiritual Reverie: BETTER THAN I


DAILY DOSE OF ME my other blogs: in case, you're not tired of me yet =)


::GOOD THINGS::
life is all about appreciating the simple things

::YACKETY YACKS::
pinay chatter box: much ado about nothing =)

CONTRIBUTIONS articles and works i've done for other e-zines through the years




binibini.org: KEYCHAIN
binibini.org: FAREWELL
binibini.org: SA GITNA NG GABI

HABITUATE fellow bloggers who keeps me entertained and sane




::ernie::
::joyce::
::eric ahn::
::pammy::
::champuru::
::maldito/glenn::
::mica::
::tintin::
::batjay::
::rijah::
::carol::
::christine::

ADDICTION these are a few of my favorite things...




::louis vuitton::
::ugg australia::
::armani exchange::
::h & m::
::banana republic::
::target::
PAMPER ME in this stressful world, i need relaxation. places i hibernate to and hide away from the world. here are some of my favorite spots.




::olympic spa::
::pho siam thai spa::
:: raya spa::
::japanese garden::
::redondo beach::

FREQUENTS embracing life in los angeles: a day in a life in my shoes



::monte carlo cafe::
::THE GROVE::
::coffee bean::
::barnes and noble::
::starbucks::

GOBBLE GOBBLE [L.A.STYLE] food over matter los angeles style =)




::todai::
::sanamluang::
::hodori::
::alcove::
::portos::
::mayflower::
::tommy's::
::roscoe's::
::philippes::
::thai bbq::
::the pantry::
::pinks::
::koji's::
::kabuki::

QUERRIES i don't know everything. so these are the sites i go to answer my inquisitive inquiries, obtain html coldes, and upload my pictures.




::google::
::yahoo::
::ask::
::photobucket::
::blogger::

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