"not looking," is the answer i often give when people asked me why i am single. 'not looking' for many reasons. 'not looking' because i'm devastated of historical guys in my past, because inevitable events and unbearable dramas that pulled me away from them, and then, because ....... well, i'm simply scared.

sometimes, i wished there was someone there. i miss someone calling me just to tell me he loves me or just to check how my day is doing or being bombarded my cellphone with mindblowing texts. sometimes, when i see couples holding hands, beach walking, i put on my sunglasses so i would at least block that desire from my eyes. and i wished...and i let out a big sigh.

yet, let me tell you, i am currently blissfully single. the attention i get when i announce to the array of single men (even my own "good" friends) that i am now officially unattached brings them strange and joyous enlightenment. and then they start to open doors for you gentlemanly and weirdly. or call you in the midst of night "just to check if you got home fine." or they hint, "you know, we should hang out more. i mean, like more, you know?" and my reaction: i smile shyly, i bow gracefully, and i walk out secretly flattered.

and then i wonder, "why are guys so attentive to a females' singlehood?" is it the fact that they are free to swoon us again, to put their best foot forward , to lure out into their world again? when we're NOT craving for their attention, the powerful forces of testosterone infested males sway and pursue us like the most coveted jewel. but when we fall in love with them, they stop being the hunter of jewels they once promised to be. and we, to them, we suddenly lost out shining sparkle.

but oh well, i am 'not looking' but i'm amused by the sweet love and tighter friendly hugs i received from my male counterparts. i am 'not looking' but i am flattered by their undivided attention. i am 'not looking' but, the truth is i love the attention. i'm 'not looking' but shhh...i'm certainly 'observing' and i have my own favorites. but...shh...i'm not going to tell you who=).