sometimes, i cogitate how other people respond to performing my life if they were in my shoes. filling in my shoes in not an easy task. the grand lists of errands and everyday things i have to do in a day is overwhelming. sometimes, i feel like 24 hours is not enough. while some of has become habitual, half are exhaustingly painful, mentally alarming and emotionally draining.

pain has been a big issue lately. i will not discuss the intensity of it. though my warm face does not show the obvious symptoms ( i put on a big facade most of the time and i hide it because i don't like lovedones worrying about me, ) my MRI's will probably prove it. frustration and irritability play a bigger role, it chokes me a chicken and sometimes, i feel i can't breath from it all. most of the time, i try to convice myself, it's all "mind over matter" as the martial arts mantras dictate. yet, the mind detects pain. it just constrain the body and affects the soul.

regimens of relaxation and meditation are part of my daily routines now. prayers in my head are what keeps me sane. when i am with lovedones or when i talk to them on the phone, i prefer to have doses of laughter. it is after all the best medicine. and if you're there with us, you'll notice that i try to incorporate humors in our conversations. i attempt to keep it enlightening and positive.

although, i have to admit, i hardly show it but there are times when i grow weary. i get too tired and exhausted of life's events. fighting for your life and telling yourself to stay on top of things drain all of your energy. but courage is an unbelievable thing. it brings you to heights of great pursues.

in the end, like i always tell my friends, keep the hope, dig in and find that courageous you. though i am going through those trials right now, i certainly know that there is a rainbow waiting for me. after all, we can not discover new oceans unless we have the courage to lose sight of the shore.

so hold on a little longer...faith, courage and hope awaits. and we'll suffer no more.