sabi ng nanay mo



[by the way, kaya ako nagkakandahirap na nagtatagalog dito kasi i think, may nagbabasa ng mga istorya kong ito. hindi ko alam kung alam ninyo pero itong mga sinusulat ko rito ay dikta ng aking puso at damdamin. ito'y nabuo sa maraming beses kong gustong magsalita subali't sa pag-aakalang baka may masaktan ako, hindi ko nasabi sa mga partikular na mga taong minahal ko ang mga katha ko rito.

subalit ilang taon na ang nakakaraan, naibigay ko yata ang web blog na ito sa isang minahal ko sabuhay. ngayon ay bumabalik na naman siya at may puna akong baka binabasa niya iton. at kung sino man yung taong yun, baka maintindihan niya ito kapag nag-ingles ako. so para wala siyang maintindihan, itatagalog ko na lang. saka na ako mag-iingles.]

di mo alam ito. pero tumawag sa aking ang nanay mo kanina. hindi ko nga alam kung anong sasabihin ko sa kanya. mas madali nga yatang ibaba na lang yuing telepono kesa kausapin ko siya. ipinagbilin ko sa kanya na huwag niyang ipag-alaman sa iyo na tinawagan niya ako.

sa tutoo lang, masayang masaya akong makausap nanay mo. pero mas masasayahan pa siguro ako kapag ikaw ang kausap ko. ikaw lang naman talaga ang nagpapasaya sa akin. pero ewan ko sa iyo. hindi talaga kita maintindihan. kapag wala ako sa harap mo, tawag ka ng tawag sa akin. palagi mong sinasabi na lugod mo akong gustong makasama.tapos ngayon namang, nandito na tayo, sala sa init, sala sa lamig ka na naman.

sabi ng nanay mo, tahimik naman daw ang mga araw mo. sabi pa nga niya, tinutulungan mo siya sa pag-aruga sa lola mong may sakit. madalas nga raw ay kasama mo ang tiyo mo at mga pinsan mo. tapos, nagsisimba ka pa raw. habang nagkukwento siya, iniisip kita.

sabi ng nanay mo, pinagsasabihan ka raw niya. na kung maari eh, magtino ka na sa buhay mo. na magiging masaya siya kung makita niyang lumagay ka na sa tahimik, kung may babae kang mapapangasawa na mag-aalaga sa iyo. pakiramdam ko nga, ako yung pinariringan niyang babae. ako lang naman yata ang babaeing nagpaaptino sa iyo e.

gusto kong sabihin sa nanay mo, pagsabihan ka niya. dahil ako, malapit na akong magsawa sa mga pinaggagawa mo sa akin. paiinlabin mo ako tapos nanlalamig ka sa akin. niyayakap mo ako ng mahigpit tapos hindi mo man lang ako matawagan. pahawak hawak ka pa sa mga kamay ko, tapos hindi mo rin pala hahawakan ang mga kamay ko ng madalas.

sabi ng nanay mo, kinukwentuhan mo raw siya at madalas niyo raw akong pag-usapan. bakit palagi mo siyang kinukwentuhan sa mga pangyayari sa buhay ko eh hindi mo naman ako kausap?

sabi ng nanay mo, minsan sinabi mo raw sa kanya na ako ang babaeng pakakasalan mo dahil katulad na katulad ko raw siya..

sabi mo raw sa kanya, mabait ako at mapag-alagang paris niya.

nasabi mo rin daw na baka operahan na naman ang paa ko..

buti pa siya, sinasabihan mo ng nararamdaman mo para sa akin. mahirap bang sabihin sa akin? kapag nandoon na ako sa harap mo, wala kang masabi subalit ang higpit naman ng yakap mo.

litong lito na ako. ayoko na kausapin na nanay mo. nagdurugo lang ang mga sugat lalo. sana naman ay kausapin mo ako. at sana, habang nakatitig sa aking mga mata ay masabi mo sa akin ang tunay na nararamdaman mo.

hihintayin pa ba kita? nahihirapan na rin ako.

Labels: brokenheartedness, tagalog

posted by pinay freestyle @ 12:13 AM [[ 0 comments ]]

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Labels: lyrics, music

posted by pinay freestyle @ 9:52 PM [[ 0 comments ]]

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HUWAG KA NG IIYAK

nag-usap kami ni sini nung isang gabi halos madaling araw na yata kami natapos. kalungkot niyang kausap. naawa ako dahil minsan, ako rin minsan ganon kalungkot dahil kakaisip sa mga walang kwentang lalaking pinaglaruan lang puso namin.

hindi niya alam ito, pero habang umiiyak siya sa kabilang linya, nakiki-iyak din ako sa kanya. tahimik lang nga alng akong lumuluha. tapos wala rin akong luha. basta, nandon iyung pait.

nung lunes naman, lasing na lasing pinsan ko pagkatapos namin magvideoke dito sa bahay, alas tres na ng madaling araw at hindi pa rin siya dalawin ng antok. hindi nga umiinom itong cousin kong ito eh. nagulat nga ako bakit siya naglalaklak sa alak. tapos, smirnoff pa na halos purokg alkohol.

patulog na kami, kinikwentuhan pa niya ako. bakit daw isang amo lang nung lalaki sa kanya, sinusungaban niya? kahit na nung nakaraan eh nasaktan na siya nito? tahimik lang akong nakikinig. nung medyo tumahimik siya, sinasabihan ko na siya na huwag niyang pahirapan sarili niya. kung ayaw sa kanya, eh di ayaw. basta, mahalin niya ng sarili niya.

ako rin nasosorpresa kung bakit ako ganito kamanhid. siguro, hindi naman ako manhid. sa tutoo lang, marami akong nararamdaman. pero pinili ko lang kung ano yung mga pakiramdam ko na papatulan ko. kung makakasakit lang sa akin, pinababayaan ko na lang.

nung sinasabi ni sini na nasasaktan siya nung nakita niya yung litrato ng ex niya, na parang naaalala niya lahat, nasasaktan ang damdamin ko para sa kanya. pero naalala ko yung sinabi nung barkada kong lalaki nuong nag-iiyak ako noon dahil sa ginawa ng isang lalakign lubusan kong minahal.

lasing na lasing ako noon. hindi ko nga maalala kung anu anong pinag-iinom ko. pero sabi ni rick sa akin non sa akin,

"alam mo, iyak ka ng iyak diyan. pinupuno mo yang isip mo ng alak para bukas makalimutan mo siya. pero ang tutoo niyan eh, nasa isip mo pa rin siya. nagpapakaloka ka diyan pero ito ha, sasabihin ko sa iyo ng tutoo. wala na siyang pakialam sa iyo. nagpapalasing ka diyan pero ang tutoo niyan, wala siyang ka-amoramor sa iyo. hindi ka niya iniisip ung okay ka lang o ano. hindi ka dapat nagkakaganito. mahalin mo ang sarili mo. kapag buo ka na, marami ang magmamahal sa iyo."

sinabi ko rin yan kay sini. masakit marinig kaya lang iyong mga salitang binigkas na iyo sa akin nung gabing yun ang gumising sa akin. kaya siguro nagmamatigas ako. kaya siguro para akong manhid. walang nararamdaman. kaya sa haba ng panahon, patuloy ko pa rin hinahanap ang taong magpapatibok uli ng puso ko. at sana...sana lang, sa panahon na iyon ay, siya na ang tama para sa puso kong ito matagal ng naghihintay mahalin.

Labels: family, friendship, tagalog

posted by pinay freestyle @ 2:26 PM [[ 0 comments ]]

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pinatay ko na lahat ng telepono.

gala na naman ako ng gala.

sabi ng doktor, pumirmi ako sa bahay.

dapat ako'y nagpapahinga.

pero mas parang nagkakasakit ako sa bahay.

gusto ko nasa labas ako dahil mas presko.

mas nakakahinga ako ng maiigi.

subalit sampung araw na mahigit....

hindi na naman ako tamaan ng tulog.

sumasakit na ulo ko sa kakaisip.

gutom man ay di ako dalawin.

yun ngang pantalon ko lumuluwag na.

iniisip ko siya kahit ayaw ko na siyang isipin.

lintek na buhay ito, oo!

Labels: change, tagalog

posted by pinay freestyle @ 10:57 AM [[ 0 comments ]]

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[note: idea adapted from father jerry orbos. some parts of the story are changed and improved to make it ideal for my readers. a new story line created by yours truly. i'm a fan of his spiritual sermons and if it is going to help reach out to "lost souls" in these world like it did to me, then it is my pleasure to share it with the world]

he tried on a light blue dress shirt at banana republic the other day that he will used for a potential interview. when he showed me his "final look" the dress shirt under a double breasted coat out from the dressing room, he looked stunningly awful. it seemed like the dress shirt looked uneven to me.

it turned out that he knotted his dress shirt's button to the wrong cavity. it made to look like the right side of the shirt was higher than the left side of it. i alerted him that about the eneven gaps on the shirt he was wearing. i helped him detached each button from its sheltered hole on the shirt one by one from neck to waist to fix the unevenness and to get it looking right.

it was such a precise and tedious process to fasten and unfasten the buttons from their holes. it requires accuracy and patience to make sure that the right button is nestled to the correct orifice. unlucky me, patience being not one of my personal virue, i even made a sarcastic joke that good thing i was not unlocking a bridal gown.i remembered when maff( my best friend) got married, she had this elongated gown with buttons stringed from her shoulders to her toes. it took five people to get that gown on her.

all of us have buttons on our dress shirts. yes, i am talking about the generally disk-shaped fastener used to join two parts of our garment by fitting through a buttonhole or loop. it is used to fasten one's clothing tightly or to close or seal our clothing securely. it chains the opposite sides of our shirt together.

when we button our shirts, we either anchor the circle-shaped plastic through the button hole going upward or downward. we make sure that the particular button is hooked up to the consecutive hole on the other end of the shirt.

i began reviewing my life. if you read my recent posts here lately, i discussed that the lurking shadows of my pasts. despite the many times i turned my back on them, still follows me constantly. long ago, i told myself never to look back and not fixed what was broken then. i'll just leave it like it was. even if it did not looked good, at all. trust me, in my heart, it did not FEEL good, also.

but i am human, too. i am aware of the mashaps i made. there was no day i do not think about it. when karma hits me, i always think i deserved it because of the shortcomings i created. and over the years, it was easier for me to avoid it.

but now, older, wiser and nicer, i figured it was time to confront that ugly past. i asked myself, "what will i lose if i apologize to them?" it will also bring me good and lighten the emotional burden and guilt i carried through the years.

so the unknown to many, i am trying to patch things up with the "people" i have "pained" in the past. secretly, i sent apologetic emails, heartfelt letters and warm texts to these people i hurted in my previous life. i even made difficult phonecalls.
they all responded differently. one told me, " i don't know what 'being hurt' means because not only did i break his heart once, i broke it twice." another chose to not say anything but added me here on friendster. and some call me frequently now.

regardless of the slow progress, of painful remarks i heard, of the choice of silence, and some new friendly connections i made, i just told myself, it is a start. and i would rather have baby steps than not have any sort of leaps at all. my logic is that at least, whether big or small, we are moving forward and we are repairing hearts and bridging gaps along the way.

i came back cogitating about the incident where in i had to go back and unfasten "HIS" dress shirt's buttons one by one and then button it back correctly to match each buttons to the right hole. these crucial steps were essential. i had to do that to make the clothing look right on him.

i just realized, i was doing the same with my life. i had to go return to my past, precisely to the people i ran over and hurt along the way, to unjam the kinked buttons i failed to match to the right spot. i had to cohere the correct disks of emotions to the assigned outlets for me to "feel right." whether i succeeded or not, i will continue my best to brace the broken gaps.

so what about you? do you have kinks in your pasts that you left there? do have buttons that you left unmatched to their wrong holes? will you just leave it there? i think it is waiting for you to fix it and fasten it right. and guess what, it is never too late. =)

PRAYER:
my Lord, we are not perfect. in our lives, we matched buttons to the their undesignated holes incorrectly. we are guilty of creating kinks in our own past lives. but let us realized, my Lord, that it is never too late. that everyday is a given opportunity for us to fix our "kinked" buttons. all we have to do is go back to that time and place where we linked those "buttons" and "holes", disconnect it and adhere it to the right ones. forgiveness comes in drops, and we know that. but the fact that we asked for forgiveness and it is given to us in even in its minisculed form, it is enough for us to go on life. do not get tired giving us your mercies, oh Lord as we forgive those who have sinned on us, too. we asked you these in you precious name. Amen.

posted by pinay freestyle @ 12:02 AM [[ 0 comments ]]

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Labels: annoyed, tagalog

posted by pinay freestyle @ 3:27 PM [[ 0 comments ]]

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10 things...

:: i was going to write a 10 things i hate about you list abour "tigerman" (rp) - since i am beginning to despise him at the moment - but just to be kind and honest, i switched to 10 things i love about him. primarily because i missed him and he has no clue that i even do.::

Labels: love

posted by pinay freestyle @ 11:33 AM [[ 0 comments ]]

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she came from afar.

she was delivered to me surprisingly!

she glows inside.

she lights up at night.

she has big eyes and gives big smiles,

she kept my nights bright.

i used to hug her to sleep.

and seven years later,

she's still alive and kicking....

but nowadays, she's retired.

she's been sitting, watching me.

she's special to me.

but i think it's time to put her away.

should i say goodbye, to glowie?

i don't think i'm ready to part from you.

Labels: mementos

posted by pinay freestyle @ 9:42 PM [[ 0 comments ]]

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there was a line in one of bob marley songs that states,

"who are you to judge me? i know i am not pefect and i don't live to be. but
before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean..."

i've been feeling devastated with several aspects of my life lately. the long wait ( i would leave that journey unmentioned)is taking a toll on me. and if any of you were in my shoes, i am quite sure you would feel the same or even worse. i can handle the physical pain. i'm a tough cookie like that.

what irks me is when my esteem is attacked. when people assume they can judge for something i am not or for something i have done in my past. they attempt to define me by what they "see" but in all honesty, they did not really "look." they can note to see me as i appear to be, but only a few people know who i really am.

what hurts even more is when some people you loved ( and let go) associates you for the mistakes you have committed. here i am building myself up to be a better me and in one glance, they claim the right to throw me out of my built throne. one freaking painful word slashed me and the wounds oozed right back into bleeding.

i've tolerated physical aches, grueling surgeries, cheating hearts, mending crushed spirits. but for the first time in a while, i admit, i cried that night. the battlesome warrior in me broke down sobbing. i realized, i am human and shadows of my pasts, no matter how much i eluded from it, it will follow me.

what i have done in my past is my past. i know that, i, alone can determine what my future will be. i am NOT my past. and i am what is possible for me. i can not erase the broken hearts & destroyed souls. i begged for their forgiveness as i also try to forgive myself.

i am doing the best i can to be smooth in this rough course called life. i am not going to let anyone to ruin that remarkable strength i have. no one will break me down again. i may cry, i may shake, i may collapse, i may fall but one thing is for sure, i will keep getting up.

i am bigger than anything that can happen to me. all these things: downfalls, brokenheartedness, ugly pasts and false judgements are outside my door. this is my house. i am the house of bricks. and i, alone, have the key.

Labels: quotes, strength

posted by pinay freestyle @ 12:20 PM [[ 0 comments ]]

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Labels: image, life

posted by pinay freestyle @ 1:55 PM [[ 0 comments ]]

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note to myself: YOU GO GIRL!

Labels: inspire, tagalog

posted by pinay freestyle @ 1:47 PM [[ 0 comments ]]

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FREEWAYS

the long stretch of freeways here in los angeles is like going through a corn maze not knowing where to go and where to exit. the shocking fast lanes, the millions of different cars, the undetailed numbers of opposing freeways, the confusing exits, and loud roudy insane LA drivers are scary if you are not from this crazy big city. most of the strangers i know often find themselves lost, going through the wrong exits and are clueless on how they could enter back in to the freeway.

my friend ("valerie madrigal" code name) had these heartwarming talk couple months ago. that sometimes, human journeys are like going through the freeway. in our cars called life, we put on our seat bealts, we just drive, get in and go to the fastest lane to get to where we want to go. not realizing once we were in, we don't know our destinations.

our all knowing attitude sometimes leads us to different exits. most of them, the wrong exits. and we falter, we go around the streets, we attempt to find our way back. we realize we're lost but we in denial that we need help. we just go about our selfish ways and not asked for help and end up being farther from the return route in the first place. even creating more lapse of damage than we ought to.

finally we catch ourselves and swallow our prides and asked for help to get back on route. only then do we find ourselves after being lost in a whirlwind of a city we never knew. i've had many encounters of being lost in my life. i've exited the wrong exits. i've hit and hurt people along the way because i was selfish, because i had too much pride.

but the lesson learned is that, there are ways back to the freeway. we might be lost along the way but as we mature and we learn the right detours to life, we find out there are always ways back to get back on track. but this time around, we are humbled by the experience. and this time around, in that freeway, we are sure of the destination.

Labels: friendship, l

posted by pinay freestyle @ 1:30 PM [[ 0 comments ]]

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(for vampz - my story of love found and love lost. and years after, i am confronted by it again. how could i say sorry? how can i get rid of your pain? how do i say goodbye forever without remembering you ever again? eh. just find it in your heart to forgive me. )

LOVE FOR REAL

John Blanchard stood up from the bench, straightened his Army uniform, and studied the crowd of people making their way through Grand Central Station. He looked for the girl whose heart he knew, but whose face he didn't, the girl with the rose.

Blanchard's interest in her had begun thirteen months before in a Vermont library. Taking a book off the shelf he found himself intrigued, not with the words of the book, but with the notes penciled in the margin. The soft handwriting reflected a thoughtful soul and insightful mind. In the front of the book, he discovered the previous owner's name, Miss Hollis Maynell. With time and effort he located her address. She lived in New York City. He wrote her a letter introducing himself and inviting her to correspond.

The next day he was shipped overseas for service in World War II. During the next year and one month the two grew to know each other through the mail. Each letter was a seed falling on a fertile heart. A romance was budding. Blanchard requested a photograph, but she refused. She felt that if he really cared, it wouldn't matter what she looked like. When the day finally came for him to return from Europe, they scheduled their first meeting - 7:00 PM at the Grand Central Station in New York. "You'll recognize me," she wrote, "by the red rose I'll be wearing on my lapel." So at 7:00 he was in the station looking for a girl whose heart he loved, but whose face he'd never seen. I'll let Mr. Blanchard tell you what happened:

A young woman was coming toward me, her figure long and slim. Her blonde hair lay back in curls from her delicate ears; her eyes were blue as flowers. Her lips and chin had a gentle firmness, and in her pale green suit she was like springtime come alive. I started toward her, entirely forgetting to notice that she was not wearing a rose. As I moved, a small, provocative smile curved her lips. "Going my way, sailor?" she murmured.

Almost uncontrollably I made one step closer to her, and then I saw Hollis Maynell. She was standing almost directly behind the girl. A woman well past 40, she had graying hair tucked under a worn hat. She was more than plump, her thick-ankled feet thrust into low-heeled shoes. The girl in the green suit was walking quickly away. I felt as though I was split in two, so keen was my desire to follow her, and yet so deep was my longing for the woman whose spirit had truly companioned me and upheld my own. And there she stood. Her pale, plump face was gentle and sensible, her gray eyes had a warm and kindly twinkle. I did not hesitate. My fingers gripped the small worn blue leather copy of the book that was to identify me to her. This would not be love, but it would be something precious, something perhaps even better than love, a friendship for which I had been and must ever be grateful.

I squared my shoulders and saluted and held out the book to the woman, even though while I spoke I felt choked by the bitterness of my disappointment. "I'm Lieutenant John Blanchard, and you must be Miss Maynell. I am so glad you could meet me; may I take you to dinner?" The woman's face broadened into a tolerant smile. "I don't know what this is about, son," she answered, "but the young lady in the green suit who just went by, she begged me to wear this rose on my coat. And she said if you were to ask me out to dinner, I should go and tell you that she is waiting for you in the big restaurant across the street. She said it was some kind of test!"

It's not difficult to understand and admire Miss Maynell's wisdom. The true nature of a heart is seen in its response to the unattractive.

Labels: story

posted by pinay freestyle @ 4:24 PM [[ 0 comments ]]

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posted by pinay freestyle @ 4:21 PM [[ 0 comments ]]

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SEALED

i've been tossing and turning. most of the time, sleep deprived. in all honesty, i have a lot of things in my head. and it's spinning there up and down to the point my head hurts just thinking about it.

there are so many things i want to discuss. there are so many revelations i want to share. my heart is screaming, wanting to let my desires be known. my emotions are bursting. i want to let it all out.

questions after questions lingered in my mind. there's abundance of queries just waiting to be revealed. there were actions that need explanations. there are wonders of 'how are you?" and worries of how he is doing.

i've been working out, walking, lifting weights, and meditating. i've been driving with no sense of directions...just driving. i've been writing everything in my personal journal. i've turned off my cell phone and turned off the ringer volume on my room phone. i blocked myself from aim and secretly checking my friendster and myspace. i've only talked to a few people ( two exact). i've been trying my hardest to stay sane and calm and finding ways possible to destress myself.

i'm not ready to discuss anything. i'm not ready to talk about what i feel or the things that are happening. it's best to keep it there tucked in my heart and mind. i decided, this is not the right time. so my mouth are sealed.

posted by pinay freestyle @ 10:20 PM [[ 0 comments ]]

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YO SOY

[note: we were not allowed to say any 'english' word in class. gracia, rosalinda and i were often reprimanded for speaking either in english or tagalog in class. sometimes, even getting 'U's for the day.
but bless her heart, Ms. Jacobs, our spanish teacher taught me to read, write and comprehend spanish. i took three years of spanish in high school and slowly rightfully earned my A's. i loved it so much that i took two years of spanish medical terminology in college.
i found one of first poems i wrote in spanish as part of project: YO SOY... (I AM...) to describe who you are in a poem. thought i would update the new version of YO SOY. ]

Soy súper melindroso, fácilmente soy apagado con pococosas.
(I am super picky, I easily get turned off with the little things.)
Soy Sra.. espontáneo - amo no tener 'las aventuras de orden del día de ningunos proyectos.
(I am ms. spontaneous - I love to have 'no plans' agenda escapades.)
Llevo puesto mi corazón en mis mangas, amo con todo mi corazón.
(I wear my heart on my sleeves, I love with all my heart.)
Soy fácilmente divierten con shamu del mundo de mar

(tengo 5 juguetes de materia de shamu de cada tamaños)
(I am easily amuse by shamu from sea world (I have 5 shamu stuff toys of every sizes)
¡Soy un niño en el fondo -

amores el sábado por la mañana historietas,

colecciona stationaries, adora transformadores y soldado joes!
(I am a kid at heart -

loves saturday morning cartoons,

collects stationaries, adores transformers and GI joes!)

Soy un gusano de libro/revista - leí, leer y leer ...

que descubre nuevas cosas cada día
(I am a book/magazine worm - I read, read and read...

discovering new things every day)
Soy el nurturer, alguien con que usted puede contar para comodidad y curación
(I am the nurturer, someone whom you can count on for comfort and healing)
Soy la señora 9-1-1 -

mis amigos se acercan a mí para cada solas preocupaciones

que ellos tienen y espera que yo lo solucione.
(I am lady 9-1-1 -

my friends go up to me for every single concerns they have

and expects me to solve it.)

Soy el espíritu de un guerrero tenaz -

afronto cada batalla con mi cara animosa en.
(I am the spirit of a strongwilled warrior -

I face every battle with my game face on.)
Soy JUSTIZZE -

de la sombra de mi pasado,

la muchacha que creció para ser una mujer notable.
( I am JUSTIZZE -

from the shadow of my past,

the girl who grew up to be a remarkable woman.)

Soy el caramelo frappuccino muchacha
( I am a caramel frappucino girl)
Sollozo con cada drama coreano que miré.
(I sob with every korean drama I watched.)
No soy "un se elevó" la muchacha, soy una muchacha "de aves del paraíso"
(I am not a 'rose' girl, I am a 'birds of paradise' girl)
Soy laguages de lenguas diferentes, la diversidad es una vuelta en.
(I am laguages of different tongues,

diversity is a turn on.)
Aprecio el helado condimentado de fresa.
(I appreciate strawberry flavored ice cream.)
Soy mi perro mamá 'de ariel' y amigo.
(I am my dog 'ariel' mom and friend.)

Soy todos éstos y más.
(I am all these and more.)
Aún, sé el habrá más a mí en la carrera larga
(Yet, I know the there will be more to me in the long run)
Soy sólo una muchacha simple
( I am just a simple girl)
Soy todavía un producto en proceso
(I am still a work in progress)
Todavía tengo tanto potencial.
(I still have so much potential.)

posted by pinay freestyle @ 2:07 PM [[ 0 comments ]]

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RELENTLESS POWER

relentless power

NOTE:sometimes, i just need something to inspire me and enlighten me to get through a difficult day like today. i am grateful for life's everyday miracles and encouragement: bright sunshine, birds twirping, pain free and drama free ordeals, like i always remind myself and i often tell my friends when they're feeling down, "you go girl, you're fabulous!" and then not only do i say it to myself, i have to believe it, too. so to my detractors, thank you for yout undivided attention. but.yes..i know i am atrong enough and i know.i can make it through another day. why? because i am fabulous. simple as that. =)

Don't
let
today's
disappointmentscast
a
shadow
on
tomorrow's
dreams.

I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments

and glue them together again and tell myself

that the mended whole was as good as new.
What is broken is broken --

and I'd rather remember it as it was at its best

than mend it and see the broken places as long as I live .
Margaret Mitchell

posted by pinay freestyle @ 11:41 PM [[ 0 comments ]]

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FRENCHLY SPEAKING

beaucoup d'amour (much love)

mon cher rp,

dans juste trois jours, je serai avec vous. je ne peux pas attendre pour être dans vos bras. voir-vous bientôt. =P

amour,
len

(never mind the first message. i'll translate that when the right time comes. but here's something to think about.)

permettez à votre amour de ressembler aux pluies brumeuses,
en venant doucement,
mais en inondant le fleuve.

vous n'aimez pas de femme parce qu'elle est belle,

elle est belle parce que vous l'aimez.

avez-vous compris ? traduction ? (translation?)

Let your love be like the misty rains,
coming softly, but flooding the river.

You don't love a woman
because she is beautiful,
she is beautiful because you love her.

bien, c'est tout. jusqu'à l'entrée suivante. plus tard!beaucoup d'amour.
(okay, that's all. until the next entry. later! much love. )

pensées heureuses
pensées heureuses - happy thoughts

le plaisir est très rarement trouvé où il est cherché

. nos incendies les plus brillantes sont communément

allumées par les étincelles inattendues.

avez-vous compris ? (did you understand)

vous avez besoin de la traduction ? (you need translation?)

ok ... ici il va ? (ok..here it goes)

pleasure is very seldom found where it is sought.

our brightest blazes are commonly kindled by unexpected sparks.

je suis juste heureux aujourd'hui. bien plus de détails ecxited. suivront plus tard. bien que je le partage avec vous. (i'm just happy today. well more of ecxited. details will follow later. though i'd share it with you.)

c'est tous les gens! (that's all folks! )

dites merci! (thank you!)

jusqu'à l'entrée suivante. (until the next entry)

posted by pinay freestyle @ 11:35 PM [[ 0 comments ]]

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NAME AND LOVE - what your the initials of your name tells you about you and love. ( adapted from cousin hannah)

Does your name begin wit A:
U are not particularly romantic, butyou are interested in action.You meanbusiness. With you, what you see iswhat you get.You have no patience forflirting and can't be bothered withsomeone who is trying to be coy, cute,demure, and subtly e nticing. You arean up-front person. You often don'tget hints & you ever pass any. Brainsturn you on. You must feel that yourpartner is! intellectuallystimulating, otherwise you will findit difficult to sustain therelationship. You require loving,cuddling, wining, and dining to knowthat you're being appreciated. Yourmate's physical attractiveness isimportant for you. You tend to be veryPractical, & not very emotional Yourchoices are very good & can only leadto trouble. You are very selfsatisfied & egoistic.

Does your name begin with: B
You give off vibes of lazy sensuality.You enjoy being romanced, wined, anddined. You are very happy to receivegifts as an _________expression of theaffection of your lover. You want tobe pampered and know how to pamperyour mate. You are private in your_________expression of endearments,and particular when it comes to love.You will hold off until everythingmeets with your approval. You cancontrol your appetite & feelings. Yourequire new sensations andexperiences. You are willing toexperiment.

Does your name begin with: C
You are a very social individual, andit is important to you to have arelationship. You require closenessand togetherness. You want the objectof your affection to be sociallyacceptable and good-looking. You seeyour lover as a friend and companion.You are very sensual, Needing someoneto appreciate and almost worship you.When this cannot be achieved, you havethe ability to hold out on affectionuntil you receive this.. You are anexpert at controlling your desires anddoing without.

Does your name begin with: D
Once you get it into your head thatyou want someone, you move full Steamahead in your suit. You do not give upyour quest easily. You are nurturingand caring. If someone has a problem,this turns you on. You are highlypassionate, loyal, and intense in yourinvolvement's, sometimes possessiveand jealous. You are very sharp &talente d often with sense of humour.When people bother to look deep insidethey cannot resist what they see. Youare stimulated by the eccentric andunusual, having a free and openattitude. You get jealous of otherpeople and lose your temper .

Does your name begin with: E
Your greatest need is to talk. If yourdate is not a good listener, you havetrouble relating. A person must beintellectually stimulating or you arenot interested sexually. You need afriend for a lover and a companion Youhate disharmony and disruption, butyou do enjoy a good argument once in awhile-it seems to stir things up. Youflirt a lot, for the challenge is moreimportant. But once you give yourheart away, you are uncompromisinglyloyal. You will fall asleep with agood book. sometimes, in fact, youprefer a good book to a lover)

Does your name begin with: F
You are idealistic and romantic,putting your lover on a pedestal. Youlook for the very best mate you canfind. You are a flirt, yet oncecommitted, you are very loyal. You aresensuous and privately passionate.Publicly, you can be showy,extravagant, and gallant. You are aborn romantic. Dramatic love scenesare a favourite fantasy past time. Youcan be a very generous lover.

Does your name begin with: G
You are fastidious, seeking perfectionwithin yourself and your lover. Yourespond to a lover who isyourintellectual equal or superior,and one who can enhance your status.You are sensuous and know how to reachthe peak of stimulation, because youwork at it meticulously. You can beextremely active-never tiring out.Your duties and responsibilities takeprecedence over everything else. Youmay have difficulty gettingemotionally close to people.

Does your name begin with: H
You seek a mate who can enhance yourzest for life ,fun & everything Youseek for. You will be very generous toyour lover once you have Attained acommitment. You are very affectionate& very strong. Your gifts are actuallyan investment in your partner. Beforethe commitment, though, you tend to bevery careful with your every move andequally cautious in your involvement'soften as you believe that you have tolook out for yourself. You are asensual and patient lover. You willhold off till everything meets yourfull approval. You are aperfectionist, hard to satisfy andstrong in your beliefs. Notinfluential, you always stand yourground. People can always count on youto stand by them in a cris is. You area dreamer with/ a pasiion.

Does your name begin with: I
You have a great need to be loved,appreciated... even wor shiped. Youenjoy luxury, sensuality, andpleasures of the flesh. You likenecking spend hours just touchingfeeling & exploring. You look forlovers who know what they are doing.You are not interested in an amateur,unless that amateur wants a tutor. Youare fussy and exacting about havingyour desires satisfied. You arewilling to experiment and try newmodes of _________expression. You boreeasily and thus require adventure andchange. Your commitments don't lastvery long & you often tend to stray.Loyalty is not one of your strongpoints. You are more sensual thansexual, but you are sometimesdownright lustful.

Does your name begin with: J
You are blessed with a great deal ofphysical energy. When used for a goodcause there is nothing to stop you,except maybe that they aren't alwaysused for the good. (you could danceall night.) You respond to the thrillof the chase and the challenge of themating game.You can carry on greatromances in your head. At heart youare a roamer and need to set out onyour own every so often. You willcarry on long- distance relationshipswith ease. You are idealistic and needto believe in love. You have a need tobe nurtured deep within.

Does your name begin with: K
You are secretive, self-contained, andshy. You are very sexy, sensual, andpassionate, but you do not let on tothis. Only in intimate privacy willthis part of your nature revealitself. When it gets down to the nitty-gritty, you are an expert. You knowall the little tricks of the trade,can play any role or any game, andtake your love life very seriously.You don't fool around. You have thepatience to wait for the right personto come along. You are very generous &giving, often selfless. You are kind-natured & ; sweet, which is found tobe attractive by many. You are a goodfriend.

Does your name begin with: L
You can be very romantic, attached tothe glamour of love. Having a partneris of paramount importance to you. Youare free in your _________expressionof love and are willing to takechances, try new sexual experie ncesand partners, provided it's all ingood taste. Brains turn you on. Youmust feel that your partner isintellectually stimulating, otherwiseyou will find it difficult to sustainthe relationship. You require loving,cuddling, wining, and dining to knowthat you're being appreciated. "Yourequire loving, cuddling, wining, anddining to know that you're beingappreciated ".

Does your name begin with: M
You may appear innocent, unassumingand shy; but we know that Appearancescan lie. When it comes to sex, you areno novice but something of a skilledtechnician. You can easily go toextremes, though, running the gamutfrom insatiability to boredom with thewhole idea of love. You can be highlycritical of you mate, seekingperfection in both of you. It is noteasy to find someone who can meet yourstandards. You have difficultyexpressing emotions and drawing closeto lovers. You are often selfish,thinking you are always right nomatter what. You never give in.Winning is your prime desire- at anycost. You often forget friends andfamily and you live for the moment.

Does your name begin with: N
You are emotional and intense. Wheninvolved in a relationship, you Throwyour entire being into it. Nothingstops you; there are no holds barred.You are all-consuming and cravesomeone who is equally passionate andintense. You believe in total freedom.You are willing to try anything andeverything. Your supply of energy isinexhaustible. You want to be pamperedand know how to pamper your mate. Youalso enjoy mothering your mate. Youoften have the greatest love affairsall by yourself, in your head. You arevery imaginative.

Does your name begin with: O
You are very interested in funactivities yet secretive and shy aboutyour desires. You can re-channel muchof your energy into making moneyand/or seeking we. You can easily haveextended periods of celibacy. You area passionate, compassionate lover,requiring the same qualities From yourmate. Love is serious business; thusyou demand intensity, diversity and iswilling to try anything or anyone.Sometimes your passions turn topossessiveness, which must be kept incheck.

Does your name begin with: P
You are very conscious of socialproprieties. You wouldn't think ofDoing anything that might harm yourimage or Reputation. Appearancescount. Therefore, you require a good-looking partner. You also require anintelligent partner. Oddly enough, youmay view your partner as yourenemy...a go od fight stimulates thosevibes. You are relatively free of hang-ups.You are willing to experiment andtry new ways of doing things.You arevery social and sensual; you enjoyflirting and need a good deal ofphysical gratification.

Does your name begin with: Q
You require constant activity andstimulation. You have tremendousphysical energy. It is not easy for apartner to keep up wit h you. You arean enthusiastic lover and tend to beattracted to people because of theirethnic groups. You need romance,hearts and flowers, and conversationto turn you on and keep you going.

Does your name begin with: R
You are a no-nonsense, action-orientedindividual. You need someone who cankeep pace with you and who is yourintellectual equal-the smarter thebetter. You are tu rned on morequickly by a great mind than by agreat body. However, physicalattractiveness is not very importantto you. You have to be proved to beworthy for a partner. You have a needto prove yourself the best. You wantfeedback on your performance. You areopen, stimulating & romantic.

Does your name begin with: S
For you, it is pleasure beforebusiness. You can be romantical lyidealistic to a fault and is capableof much sensuality. But you neverloose control of your emotions. Onceyou make the commitment you stick likeglue. You could get jealous andpossessive. You tend to be veryselfish often regarding yourself asthe only human being on the planet..You like being the centre ofattention. You are very caringsensitive, private & sometimes verypassive. Turned on by soft lights,romantic thoughts. When it gets downto the nitty-gritty, you are anexpert. You know all the little tricksof the trade, can play any role, orany game, and take your love life veryseriously. You don't fool around. Youhave the patience to wait for therightperson to come along. You arevery generous & giving, oftenselfless. You are kind nature & sweetwhich is found to be attractive bymany. You are agood friend.

Does your name begin with: T
You are very sensitive, private &sometimes very passive. You likesomeone who takes the lead. You getturned on by music, soft lights &romantic thoughts. You fantasize &tend to fall in & out of love so on.When in love you are romantic,idealistic, mushy & extremely. Youenjoy having your senses & yourfeelings stimulated, titillated &teased. You are a great flirt. You canmake your relationships fit yourdreams, all in your own head. Once youput your mind to something you manageto stand by it and see your dreamsthrough. You aren't very good atexpressing your feelings. You likethings your own way. You do not likechange, you like to hold on to things.This may not always be good because ifgiven an opportunity things maydevelop into great things. You workyour way to the top. Attention must begiven to what others say because eventhough you don't wantto hear it their advice may turn outto save your life. !

Does your name begin with: U
You are enthusiastic & at yourhappiest when in love. When not inlove you're in love with love andalways looking for someone to adore.You see romance as challenge. You area roamer & needs adventure, excitementfreedom. You enjoy giving gifts &looking good. You are willing to putothers feelings above yours.

Does your name begin with: V
You are individualistic & you needfreedom, space & excitement. You waittill you know someone well beforecommitting yourself. Knowing someonemeans psyching her/him out. You feel aneed to get into his/her head to seewhat makes him tick. You are attractedto eccentric types. You believe thatage is no barrier. You are good atrespo nding to danger, fear & suspense.

Does your name begin with: W
You are very proud, determined &refuses to take no for an answer whenit come to love. Your ego is at stakeall the time. You are romantic,idealistic, often in love with loveitself, not seeing your partner forwho she or he really is. You feeldeeply about love & tends to throw allof your self into a relation ship.Nothing is too good for your lover.You like playing love games.

Does your name begin with: X
You need constant stimulation becauseyou get bored quickly. You can handlemore than 1 relationship at a timewith ease. You can't shut off yourmind. You can do 2 things at once. Youare very talented.

Does your name begin with: Y
You are sensual & very independent. Ifyou can't have it your way, you willforget the whole thing. You want tocontrol your relationships whichdoesn't work out too well. You respondto physical stimulation. However ifyou can make money you will give upthe pleasures of the flesh for themoment. You have a need to proveyourself the best. You want feedbackon your performance. You are open,stimulating & romantic.

Does your name begin with: Z
You are very romantic but show feelsthat to love means to suffer. You windup serving your mate & attractingpeople who have unusual trouble. Yousee yourself as a lover's saviour.

posted by pinay freestyle @ 11:22 PM [[ 0 comments ]]

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