[note: idea adapted from father jerry orbos. some parts of the story are changed and improved to make it ideal for my readers. a new story line created by yours truly. i'm a fan of his spiritual sermons and if it is going to help reach out to "lost souls" in these world like it did to me, then it is my pleasure to share it with the world]
SPIRITUAL REVERIES: BUTTONS
he tried on a light blue dress shirt at banana republic the other day that he will used for a potential interview. when he showed me his "final look" the dress shirt under a double breasted coat out from the dressing room, he looked stunningly awful. it seemed like the dress shirt looked uneven to me.
it turned out that he knotted his dress shirt's button to the wrong cavity. it made to look like the right side of the shirt was higher than the left side of it. i alerted him that about the eneven gaps on the shirt he was wearing. i helped him detached each button from its sheltered hole on the shirt one by one from neck to waist to fix the unevenness and to get it looking right.
it was such a precise and tedious process to fasten and unfasten the buttons from their holes. it requires accuracy and patience to make sure that the right button is nestled to the correct orifice. unlucky me, patience being not one of my personal virue, i even made a sarcastic joke that good thing i was not unlocking a bridal gown.i remembered when maff( my best friend) got married, she had this elongated gown with buttons stringed from her shoulders to her toes. it took five people to get that gown on her.
all of us have buttons on our dress shirts. yes, i am talking about the generally disk-shaped fastener used to join two parts of our garment by fitting through a buttonhole or loop. it is used to fasten one's clothing tightly or to close or seal our clothing securely. it chains the opposite sides of our shirt together.
when we button our shirts, we either anchor the circle-shaped plastic through the button hole going upward or downward. we make sure that the particular button is hooked up to the consecutive hole on the other end of the shirt.
i began reviewing my life. if you read my recent posts here lately, i discussed that the lurking shadows of my pasts. despite the many times i turned my back on them, still follows me constantly. long ago, i told myself never to look back and not fixed what was broken then. i'll just leave it like it was. even if it did not looked good, at all. trust me, in my heart, it did not FEEL good, also.
but i am human, too. i am aware of the mashaps i made. there was no day i do not think about it. when karma hits me, i always think i deserved it because of the shortcomings i created. and over the years, it was easier for me to avoid it.
but now, older, wiser and nicer, i figured it was time to confront that ugly past. i asked myself, "what will i lose if i apologize to them?" it will also bring me good and lighten the emotional burden and guilt i carried through the years.
so the unknown to many, i am trying to patch things up with the "people" i have "pained" in the past. secretly, i sent apologetic emails, heartfelt letters and warm texts to these people i hurted in my previous life. i even made difficult phonecalls.
they all responded differently. one told me, " i don't know what 'being hurt' means because not only did i break his heart once, i broke it twice." another chose to not say anything but added me here on friendster. and some call me frequently now.
regardless of the slow progress, of painful remarks i heard, of the choice of silence, and some new friendly connections i made, i just told myself, it is a start. and i would rather have baby steps than not have any sort of leaps at all. my logic is that at least, whether big or small, we are moving forward and we are repairing hearts and bridging gaps along the way.
i came back cogitating about the incident where in i had to go back and unfasten "HIS" dress shirt's buttons one by one and then button it back correctly to match each buttons to the right hole. these crucial steps were essential. i had to do that to make the clothing look right on him.
i just realized, i was doing the same with my life. i had to go return to my past, precisely to the people i ran over and hurt along the way, to unjam the kinked buttons i failed to match to the right spot. i had to cohere the correct disks of emotions to the assigned outlets for me to "feel right." whether i succeeded or not, i will continue my best to brace the broken gaps.
so what about you? do you have kinks in your pasts that you left there? do have buttons that you left unmatched to their wrong holes? will you just leave it there? i think it is waiting for you to fix it and fasten it right. and guess what, it is never too late. =)
PRAYER:
my Lord, we are not perfect. in our lives, we matched buttons to the their undesignated holes incorrectly. we are guilty of creating kinks in our own past lives. but let us realized, my Lord, that it is never too late. that everyday is a given opportunity for us to fix our "kinked" buttons. all we have to do is go back to that time and place where we linked those "buttons" and "holes", disconnect it and adhere it to the right ones. forgiveness comes in drops, and we know that. but the fact that we asked for forgiveness and it is given to us in even in its minisculed form, it is enough for us to go on life. do not get tired giving us your mercies, oh Lord as we forgive those who have sinned on us, too. we asked you these in you precious name. Amen.
posted by pinay freestyle @ 12:02 AM
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