there was a line in one of bob marley songs that states,
"who are you to judge me? i know i am not pefect and i don't live to be. but before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean..."
i've been feeling devastated with several aspects of my life lately. the long wait ( i would leave that journey unmentioned)is taking a toll on me. and if any of you were in my shoes, i am quite sure you would feel the same or even worse. i can handle the physical pain. i'm a tough cookie like that.
what irks me is when my esteem is attacked. when people assume they can judge for something i am not or for something i have done in my past. they attempt to define me by what they "see" but in all honesty, they did not really "look." they can note to see me as i appear to be, but only a few people know who i really am.
what hurts even more is when some people you loved ( and let go) associates you for the mistakes you have committed. here i am building myself up to be a better me and in one glance, they claim the right to throw me out of my built throne. one freaking painful word slashed me and the wounds oozed right back into bleeding.
i've tolerated physical aches, grueling surgeries, cheating hearts, mending crushed spirits. but for the first time in a while, i admit, i cried that night. the battlesome warrior in me broke down sobbing. i realized, i am human and shadows of my pasts, no matter how much i eluded from it, it will follow me.
what i have done in my past is my past. i know that, i, alone can determine what my future will be. i am NOT my past. and i am what is possible for me. i can not erase the broken hearts & destroyed souls. i begged for their forgiveness as i also try to forgive myself.
i am doing the best i can to be smooth in this rough course called life. i am not going to let anyone to ruin that remarkable strength i have. no one will break me down again. i may cry, i may shake, i may collapse, i may fall but one thing is for sure, i will keep getting up.
i am bigger than anything that can happen to me. all these things: downfalls, brokenheartedness, ugly pasts and false judgements are outside my door. this is my house. i am the house of bricks. and i, alone, have the key.
MY SILENT REVERIES
writing is my passion. i created silent reveries years ago to vent out things i could not tell the world. it was my private, modern tech approach to scribbling my thoughts and emotions in a journal. in here, i can feely be who i am. i could cry my woes, i can love freely, i can grieve over a broken heart, i can celebrate the joys in my heart, i can rejoice with my accomplishments, i can tell stories of remarkable friendships and unforgettable connections i made with extraordinary people SECRETLY AND SILENTLY without worrying people might judge me. i hid under the name PINAY FREESTYLE.
but eventually, some people gained access to my secret place. so i opened my doors to them in the purpose that i could inspire them: to be better versions of themselves and to share themselves to the world. slowly, i embraced my readers as a part of my life. i welcomed the strange idea that my untold life stories and unconcealed revelations could be of help to others, to love and accept themselves as they are. and i, i came out from the animosity. i eventually became just the regular LEN - the nickname my family & friends call me.
i developed stories of love, of letting go, of falling in love all over again. i made great friendships. but if there's one thing i was particularly proud of, it was my undenying love for the LORD. i wrote and made soul searching, heart wrenching entries i entitled, "SPIRITUAL REVERIES" which you will find many here. it was my productive way to heal myself from twinge and while i am at it, i could also mend others spirits along the way and bring them back up to par with their faith and relationships with God. it has not stop there. it's still a constant journey.
and so, for as long as i can, i vowed to tell my memorable reflections,i have unmasked the hidden me. and the seeking and searching of life's meaning and purpose is not over. LIFE is a long road of discovering. and i still yet to discover many wonders of this world and satisfy my unending curiosity. but be warned. you can either love me or hate me. but i don't care. this is me: sripped and bare as i can be.
so i invite you into my chaotic unperfect world. join me in my whirlwind new travels of diving into the unknowns. let me share my life with you all over again. come in, as i tell you my SILENT REVERIES.
love,
len
DISCOVER ME:
who is the lady behind the blogs?
"I want to have a personal light, the glow of oneself that comes from sheer willpower, the light of someone who has made important sacrifices in the name of things I think are important."
---Paulo Coelho's "Eleven Minutes"
my name is len. people always tend to judge me without discovering who i really am. i might look intimidating, a typical shop girl, and i act like a crazy party girl on the weekend. but i actually have brains. and i own an even bigger heart.
the truth is, beyond the louis vuitton bags, beyond the lavish parties, the excessive passion to travel and the desire to get to know the world, if you got to know the REAL ME, i am really just a simple girl. my only desire is to be loved for who i am.
REACH ME
if you want to get to know me better, if you want to share your thoughts, if you want to be my friend, don't hesitate: you can find me at
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