::LUCKY DAY::
Sunday, October 28, 2007
 he tells me, "it's fine. spend time with friends and lovedones.." and i tell him, " i just want to be there with you."
last night while in company of great friends,
there isn't a place i would rather be,
but to be in his arms.
while there, i thought of him.
(he showed up in my house an hour before i head out "just" to see me)
while there, i longed for him to call.
(although i forgot my cellphone in my car and the valet driver parked my car already)
while there, i missed his hugs.
(it was cold last night and only his hugs can warm the night)
so knowing the insanely crazy me,
as soon as i got off to see my friends,
i stepped on the accelarotor and rushed to the nearest freeway,
grabbed my cell,
i rung him up,
"i am on the way...."
he asked, "on the way were?"
happily, i responded, "on the way to you!"
nothing can compare to that"butterlies-in-your-stomach" feeling
of seeing him there,
eagerly waiting for me,
wearing his biggest smile,
getting his warmest tightest hug.
he told me earlier that day, he wanted to be with me,
because in chinese calendar, it was a "lucky" day to be married.
then it should be his lucky day to be with me solo (he he he).
but i was caught up with so much activities prior to being with him.
initially,i intended to stay a little bit.
in fact i said: 15 minutes.
it was late at night.
i ended up staying one hour, thirty five minutes. i left him there couple past midnight.
though it was cloudy and gloomy, though it rained a little bit, though we argued a earlier, though i was busy with errands and friends earlier, though i was not able to join him at his boss' son's wedding, through all the whirlwind, i think about it, yes, perhaps, he was right. that day, october 27, 2007 was a LUCKY DAY.
on my drive home,
coincidentally, it was full moon, i was now wearing the smile, in fact, i can't help but smile.
Labels: love
UNexpected
Thursday, October 25, 2007
  you ever got tired of praying for someone somewhere who is just worth it to be with?
well, i prayed for that numerous times in my lifetime.
how many instances has it been when i just say, "please, Lord...no more heartbreaks. give me someone who will take care of me. "
but lately, when i never thought in my wildest dream,
i would bump into someone who loves me more than i could ever imagine.
he is so great... i'm often left in awe and amazement...
often, he leaves me breathless and speechless.
beach walks at night...
holding my sweaty hands...
dimsum mornings...
telling me I am GOD sent to him...
what he does not know is i prayed for him.
"he" is the one GOD sent to me.
though it is too soon to foresee what the future holds, i know one thing for sure, for now, "he" is for keeps. Labels: love
dimsum
Sunday, October 21, 2007
 dim sum early in the morning is great.
but being with you is even better .
=) Labels: date
SLOW DANCE
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
 SLOW DANCE
Have you ever watched kids On a merry-go-round? Or listened to the rain Slapping on the ground? Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight? Or gazed at the sun into the fading night? You better slow down. Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last.
Do you run through each day On the fly? When you ask How are you? Do you hear the reply? When the day is done Do you lie in your bed With the next hundred chores Running through your head? You'd better slow down Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last.
Ever told your child, We'll do it tomorrow? And in your haste, Not see his sorrow? Ever lost touch, Let a good friendship die Cause you never had time To call and say,' Hi' You'd better slow down. Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last.
When you run so fast to get somewhere You miss half the fun of getting there. When you worry and hurry through your day, It is like an unopened gift.. Thrown away. Life is not a race. Do take it slower Hear the music Before the song is over.... Labels: life, life lessons
flirt
 ["papie" above] so it's been about three weeks going on a month...
that's why i don't want to talk to him.
because he flirts too much.
and apparently, i found out, he calls everyone, "sweetie," too.
so he said he will be in town on the 27th of this month.
right now, i don't care.
text me all you want.
call me all you want.
i won't respond.
i can't be on the same level as the females in your life you flirt with.
i want to be in a pedestal. Labels: men
Sunday, October 14, 2007
 Blank. Just a moment of utter silence. I feel an anvil pressed against my chest and I feel nothing. But I know its weight. But it is just blank.
STAND STILL...
Saturday, October 13, 2007
daily demands and stresses are taking its toll on me.
i wanted a place of quietude,
my own personal slumber.
i found my tranquil here this weekend.
calming lull...
moment of somnolence...
my forty wink...
where everything just stand still.
let me share this dreaminess with you.
 ::on the way to big bear at highway 330 afterthe conquering the southern cali thunder storm::
 :: leaving LA at 4 am, the sun rise at big bear lakemeets me with welcoming rays::
Labels: breathing space
SPIRITUAL REVERIES: WAITING
Waiting
Desperately, helplessly, longing, I cried.
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate,
The Master gently said, “Child, you must wait!”
“Wait? You say, wait!” my indignant reply.
“Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By FAITH I have asked and am claiming your Word.
“My future and all to which I can relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to WAIT?
I’m needing a ‘yes’, a go-ahead sign,
Or even a ‘no’ to which I can resign.
“And, Lord, you promised that if we believe
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
Lord, I’ve been asking and this is my cry:
I’m weary of asking! I need a reply!”
Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate.
Once again my Master replied, “You must wait.”
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And I grumbled to God, “So, I’m waiting… for what?”
He seemed then to kneel, and his eyes wept with mine,
And he tenderly said, “I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.
All you seek I could give, and pleased you would be.
You would have what you want –
But you wouldn’t know ME.
“You’d not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You’d not know the power that I give to the faint;
You’d not learn to see through the clouds of despair;
You’d not learn to trust just by knowing I’m there.
You’d not know the joy of resting in me
When darkness and silence were all you could see.
“You’d never experience that fullness of love
As the peace of my Spirit descends like a dove;
You’d know that I give and I save… (for a start),
But you’d not know the depth of the beat of my heart.
“The glow of my comfort late into the night.
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that’s beyond getting just what you asked
Of an infinite God, who makes what you have LAST.
“You’d never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that ‘My grace is sufficient for thee.’
Yes, your dreams for your loved ones overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss! If I lost what I’m doing in you!
“So be silent, my child, and in time you will see
THAT THE GREATEST OF GIFTS IS TO GET TO KNOW ME.
And though oft my answers may seem terribly late,
My wisest of answers is still but to WAIT." PRAYER: Lord, With all the trials we encounter, with all the disheartening heartbreaks, with all the uncarried plans, with the irritating questions of "when, Lord?," and with your many answers of "just WAIT, my child, " i know you have better plans for us . i know behind these unavoided turmoil, you've laid well deserved victories for us in the end. You gave these trials to us so you can see how deep our faith is for you, my Lord. We know that whatever obstacles you put us in, we can maneauver out of it because YOU are there to guide and protect us. Forgive all our shortcomings as we forgive those who sinned against us. Shower us with your mercy and grace. We asked you these in your most precious name, AMEN. Labels: spiritual reveries
fun femme fatale
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
like for an instance.....
...two weeks ago, a handsome guy i just met at a bar invited me to an afterparty. i politely refused because i felt i did not know him well enough to go. but i did give him my number.
...months ago, when we had a bachelorette's celebration/bridal shower and we were well - equipped with males strip dancers, i found myself sipping martini, chatting with friends, and getting a "sexy" lap dance from the guy (even had evidence from it - heheh).
...my exguy planned a camping trip and asked me if i wanted to go, and i responded, "as long as there are tons of s'mores and loads of scary stories, here i come!"
...one of my guy friend/admirer? described me to his friend, and he mentioned, "she's great!-gets along with everyone!"
i'm not what the predominant assuming people think i am. i'm not egotistical nor bombastic at all. i just have a set standards to having a great time. i live to the max, yet, i also know when to step on the breaks.
i'm not here to swagger. i guess, i jibed well with everyone because i'm quite relaxed, i'm engaging, and most of the times, i don't take myself seriously when i am out.
besides, i can drink a round of tequila shots but i also have a sober driver waiting for me when i am too tipsy to even walk. i have had so many countless adventures that i often have an interesting story to share.
i tend to attract a crowd when i am not afraid of making fun of myself , bursting in laughter as i blurt out the corniest jokes in my pocket. heheh
but in all modesty, all these and probably more, makes me a blast to be around.Labels: fun
existence
before i went on hibernation last weekend, i squeezed in a lunch date with sexy sini during her lunch break. let me remind everyone i haven't had any meat in my body in months after deciding to be low carb, partial vegetarian! so i begged sini to go to a sushi bar just so i can have sushi or some kind of fish. well, so we both ordered a bento tray and a generous sushi selection ( i did not finish any of the sushi - i had one or two of each and i was about to puke my brains out).
in that intersection of hollywood boulevard and vermont avenue, for her one hour lunch break, we shared endless laughters and memorable conversations of love, life and friendships. even squeezed in a little shopping for a necklace. it's been 15 years since i knew her and not a single thing change.
[sushi selection]
[japanese bento tray] weekend came and i, i sort of, well, i went into hiding...except that i did spend some time with people from church to go watch the pacquiao-barrera fight. i lost my voice screaming my butt off that night.
determined, after that, i ditched my regular "saturday-night-gimikera-party-gal" image to "i-will-be-low-profile-&i'll-be-off-someWHERE-tranquilizing" to unstress my weary mind, body and soul. with cellphones turned off and ipod blasting in my car, i just drove off.
and there, at that undisclosed location, i attempted to rejuvenate my eahausted self from the cares of the world. and it has never been more filling to just enjoy such animosity.
when i opened my quiet cell as monday morning approached, it was overflowing with voice messages and gazillion texts..most of which i deleted. i filtered the messages and selected only a very few for a call back. well, in fact, i only called one person, kuya arthur because i knew he needed me after leaving me array of detailed texts and voice messages ( take note: he often leaves me just one message so i knew it was an emergency situation).
it turned out i was right. upon meeting him, we dived into discussing his problems. we figured out some kind of solution to his dilemma. knowing him when he's stressed out, he always asked me to eat out after. i think that was his own way of destressing himself. as always, he made to decide where to eat out. and we ended up here.
[korean barbeque and the generous "bancha" - appetizer] 
["galbi" - marinated beef on the grill] being partial vegetarian, i declined on the fat slabs of korean steaks (although, i was itching to try it. ) i ordered their vegetarian "bibimbap" ( with mushroom, spinach, bean sprouts, carrots, bean jelly, spinach and dried nori flakes on a bed -" furikake" in japanese on abed of sticky rice - i had three big bites of the rice and that was it!) but they still had some chopped beef on my clay bowl. so i just took it out.
while i watched kuya enjoy his thrid korean barbeque meal with me, he gave me a lecture why i'm so crazy, not showing my face, not returning his calls, and now, not eating meat at all..(that's his typical self ---lecture here and there...) and i just gobbled up on my freshly made bibimbap, green salad with peacan, and fried tofu (my version of meat for three months now).
[korean BIBIMBAP]
[FRIED TOFU] 
[green salad with peacans]
but beyond the great food, i'm grateful for the gracious company of my friends who constantly worry about me. they knew me so well that when i decided i would be "gone" for couple for days, they talked among themselves who was going to take me out on what day JUST because...i knew also that they thought i was probably in surgery to be that awfully quiet and distant. people asked me where do i obtain my amazing strength. well, of course, my faith allows me to replenish strength when i'm weary. but my family and friends multiplies that God given courage when they are with me and believing in me. and this difficult path to battling life has been triumphant for me because i am surrounded with amazing people who refuse to give me up especially on the most challenging, mind boggling stage of healing. i am humbly appeciative. i realized, i'm so fortunate. thankful that i am super blessed. i exist...i am here.. i will live and enjoy each day of life...for them. they make it worth living. Labels: food, friendship, fun, lifestyle
INDOLENCE
Monday, October 08, 2007
 the past weekend, i literally turned off my cell. i unhooked the phone jack from my land line. i know people grew worried that i decided, i'll be INVISIBLE for two days. despite the many treatments done, my health condition is not up to par and i have to embark in another trial. i hungered to be A L O N E even just for couple hours. i itched for some breathing space. i lusted for just a little IDLE time. to think things through... to refocus my strength... to find my bravery... to conquer this wild storm...again. *sigH* today, despite the hundreds of texts and phonecalls i needed to return, i felt much better... ready to face the battles ahead again head on...even if i'm tackling it all alone. Labels: alone, strength
2252
Thursday, October 04, 2007
 how many heartfelt handwritten letters have we written to each other?
how many minutes have we spent in our all nighter phone conversations?
how many endless laughters have we shared?
how many instances have i called you,"crazy?" and you call me, "hey girl?"
how many miles have we travelled together to and from?
how many times will i hear stories about you from your own mother?
how many moments have i stared at your eyes from the rear view mirror?
how many incidents have i watched you walk away or drive off?
how many favors have you asked of me that i did not fulfill?
how many times did you come back to my life each time we drift into silence?
i don't remember the every accurate occurances of each moment i spent my life with you.
i just know know one thing...
it's been 2, 252 days since i let you enter my life.
and i haven' been myself since.
i guess, i'm still counting. Labels: brokenheartedness, love, relationships
SOMEDAY...my prince will come
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
 A message from God:
"No man will ever claim you unless he claims you from me. I have reserved a man for you, who has my heart and loves me even more than he will you. I won't give you unless he asks you from me.
He's asleep, don't wake him, he's busy for me and my kingdom. Soon you will know him, but I have the perfect time.
You are my princess, my daughter. Let no prince claim you unless he asks you from my hand. For I am your Father, the King of Kings.
You, my princess are worth waiting for."
"I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am."
-John 14:3
Someday my Prince will come. Labels: faith, hope, LORD, love, relationships, spiritual reveries
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