ARAW GABI (CLICK HERE TO HEAR SONG) Regine Velasquez
Di biro ang sumulat ng awitin para sa iyo Para akong isang siraulo't hilo at lito Sa akin pang minanang piano tiklado?y pilit nilaro Baka sakaling merong tono bigla na lang umusbong
Tungkol sa ano man kayang awitin para sa iyo Di biro ang gawing sukat ang titik sa tono Sampu man aking diksyunaryo kung ang tugma'y di wasto Basta't isipin di magbabago damdamin ko sa iyo
Chorus: Araw gabi nasa isip ka Napapanaginip ka Kahit san magpunta Araw gabi nalalasing sa tuwa Kapag kapiling ka Araw gabi tayong dalawa
Biruin mong nasabi ko ang nais kong ipahatid Dapat mo lamang mabatid laman nitong dibdib Tila sampu pa ang awitin ang natapos kong likhain Ito ang tunay na damdamin, tanggapin at dinggin
( Repeat Chorus )
Araw gabi tayong dalawa.. Araw gabi tayong dalawa..
it was our all time favorite hang out after work and after the drunken night out from the crazy LA clubs. we sat at the main corner at the middle of the restaurant , the ones everybody sees as they enter the entrance.there, we used to stare at the elongated, black and white framed and hanged pictured taken from thailand. but there was a twist. we made up stories behind those pictures pretending we were the main characters. but of course, it was our own comedic version.
there, we all cramped a six sitter table into a sardined eight sitter table. there, we shared our personal stories, our innermost secrets. sometimes, we even argued and exchange contrasting opinions btu made up before the night ended. with budgetted money in our pockets as we were all struggling working students, we still managed to fill up our hungry stomachs and made sure everyone has a hearty dose of laughter and meal. there, we laughed the nights away.
"we" was the eight of "us." "us" were charmaine ( "blondie" because she always dyed her hair bright blond. she was the one who made sure you looked good for the night ), dianne ("ms. praise the lord" because she always "prayed over" everything and never missed a day of church and praise), elcid ( "daddy" because he was the "fatherly" brother but he acted the cowardest of us all), christine ("mommy" because she was the mother figure and the craziest stick shift car driver ---she truly defines, "crazy woman driver!!!"), rona ( our "ate" --big sister---as she was the oldest out of everyone and she looked after everyone of us), melvin ( "kuya melvin the rockstar" our favovite big brother who can sing and play the guitar so beautifully and who recorded our endless drunken nights at the karaoke ), roselynn ( our "manang lot" but we often call her, "panget" was our designated driver) and me ( baby bu - "bu" short for "bu"-ang (meaning crazy in bisaya and ilonggo) and "bu" for "bunso" for the youngest in the family.
but last night, the eight became the three of us: dianne, charmaine and i at our favorite hangout at sanamluang in the outskirts of the busy, clubgoers infested, thai town in hollywood boulevard. and there, we sat on the same favorite spot on the corner. the pictures still hanged there. almost nothing changed. we still laughed and told stories. but we mostly tried to catch up on each others lives and reminisce of our memories being at that place weekends after weekends then.
being there with charm and dianne reminded me of my greatest treasures in life. not only do i have my own biological family who loves me dearly but i am blessed with an adoptive family of friends who continues to support me and stand behind me no matter what happens in my life. and being at sanamluang and dining there with my "sisters" reminded me that that feeling of being home again.
thanks charm, kaylah , khloe and diane for an evening of laughters and true friendship.
sabi nila, kailangan raw ng sangkaterbang tatag para magmahal. kailangan raw may dalang malakas na tapang ang pusong ipinaglalaban ang pagbabakasakaling masugatan ito. dito mo raw malalaman ang tunay na ligaya ng magmahal. ang magmahal na yata ang pinakamahirap at pinakamasarap gawin sa mundo. subalit hanggang ngayon, wala paring diksiyonaro ang nakakapagpaliwanag ng tunay na ibig sabihin and pakiramdam ng magmahal.
ang hirap palang umibig. maraming pagdaraanan na karayom para lang sa mahal mo. akala ko noon, walang mahirap don kasi kakayanin ko ang lahat kahit gaano kahirap kung para sa kagaya mo rin lang na akala ko mahal ako. akala ko gagawin mo ring ang lahat dahil mahal mo ako. nagkamali yata ako.
masakit pala ag umibig. palagi ka na lang umaasa tapos wala rin palang papupuntahan. naghihintay ka sa pangarap na mahalin ka rin niya ng tunay dahil iyon naman ang kusa niyang ipinakikita niya sa iyo. ngunit naghihintay ka naman pala sa wala. ganun ba talaga yun? kung hindi ka nasasaktan, hindo mo rin nalalamang nagmamahal ka na pala?
kailangan ba ang masaktan? ang lumuha? ang di ka bisitahin nga antok sa gabi dahil iniisip mo siya ng labis? di ba dapat ang mahalaga ay marunong kang magmahal ng tapat at di ka takot masaktan? sapagka't ang buong hangarin raw magmahal ay may katapat na tunay na pagmamahal. at darating ito sa tamang oras.
kelan ang tamang oras para sa ating dalawa? hindi ko naman sinasadyang mahalin ka. nangyari na lang bigla at walang rason. parang may humila na lang sa puso ko papunta sa iyo. pero itinago ko ito dahil akala ko mahal lang kita dahil matalik kitang kaibigan. ngunit sa pagpanaw ng araw, nakaramdam na lang ako ng ibang pagtingin sa iyo ng higit pa sa kaibigan.
lihim kitang minahal dahil takot akong mawala ka sa akin. at nuong dumating ang pagkakataong ipinagtapat ko sa iyo ang pinakasekretong pagtingin sa iyo, bigla ka lang hindi namansin at hindi nagparamdam. pero hinintay kita. maraming oras ang pinalampas kong iniisip ka at mangarap na mahalin ko rin ako ngayong alam mo na. subali't hanggang ngayon ay wala ka pa ring ginagawa.
sinabi ko naman sa sarili ko noon na hindi tamang mahalin kita dahil kaibigan kita pero tao lang ako. pero pinilit ko ang sarili kong huwag ipaalam sa iyo at itago ang tahat. at ngayon, pinipilit kong limutin ka. masakit para sakin. mahirap gawin. anong gagawin ko? tumakbo? magtago? saan? maliit lang ang mundo ko. mukhang umiikot lang yata sa iyo.
ngayon, tinitiis ko ang hapdi ng umiiyak na puso. siguro nga lasing na ako sa lihim na pag-ibig ko sa iyo. di ba sabi ng iba, para raw maalis ang lasing, kailangan uminom ka ulit ng alkohol para mawala? ganon rin siguro ang pag-ibig. para maalis ang pait at sakin ng masaktan ka at mabiyak ang puso't damdamim mo, kailangan mo muling magmahal. ipinagdarasal ko na lang na sana dunating na ang pagkakataong yun. sana...sana.
You instructed me to read my notes and books when I was in 1st grade. You emphasized that I made sure I knew it from cover to cover. Well, I browse through the pages and did not really read it. I didn't know you were going to quiz me after. I was pinched for every answer I got wrong when you tested me. I deserved that punishment since I did not do what I was supposed to do. But that day, I developed a love for reading. I made sure I read everything because I was afraid you'd test me again.
I tagged along with you at church. You used to sing a lot of church hymns. Sometimes, it was even in ilocano. You had the loudest soprano voice in the whole church. I just watched you vividly. You sang them with so much enthusiasm. It was beautiful. Now, I realized I am singing the same church songs with you.
At night at your father's house in Murong, Lolo (grand pa) always made sure we had a bible devotion before we even go to bed. When Lolo passed away, we had bible studies at the house and you made me memorize bible verses. You told me stories behind every verses I memorized. Now, as an adult, I am applying the verses you made me memorized.
You made me sing a song during family occasions. I was so embarrassed and shy. But you pushed me even sometimes I sang out of tune. You corrected my prounounciation and tone. You taught me how to do it right. No matter what, you were my number one fan and clapped the loudest in the audience whenever I sing. Even until now.
Every summer, I complained it seemed that I never had a real vacation. You made me take piano lessons, typing lessons, dancing lessons, karate, martial arts...anything just to keep me busy. You said I am lucky to be able to learn all the things you were enrolling me in. I was puzzled then. But now, how wonderful it is to still retain all those talents.
I was hospitalized at the hospital and you were the chief nurse. I was in the hospital for three months with asthma. I was so afraid to be left alone. I even hated the medicine and injections. I refused to get the injections unless you give it. You worked your entire graveyard shift at night and you stayed with me the whole day in the morning. When I was at home, you makde sure the oxygen was on me and that I could breath well. You slept right next to me until I can breath better.
When a guy first started courting me, you and papa used to guard the front door. When the guy decided to visit me, you come out of ytour bedroom every ten minutes to remind me it's getting late and I need to sleep. When papa and you dropped me off to the parties and you said my curfew was 12 midnight, you would show up at 11 pm while no one was even there.
When a guy breaks my heart, you were the first one to know. I don't know how you figure out each time. I tried to hid it all the time. But you just knew. I cried to you during those moments. You let me tell you my painful break ups. You reminded me that I should not cry because it's their loss. I deserve someone better.
With every achievements I recieved, you rejoiced in silence. Sometimes, I questioned that. But you often tell me that not because you do not show your emotions, it does not mean you are not proud of me. I remembered that night home when you were crying and then there you told me you were PROUD of me. Sometimes, you would leave me letters saying that, too.
You warned me abou the guys I dated...you always smell "something fishy"
You tell me when my nursing uniform is not properly ironed,
You refused to let us out of the house without eating a healthy breakfast,
You always tell me I shop too much and my bags are so expensive,
You still correct my grammar and pronounciation,
You're such a perfectionist!
and You're thje strictest one of them all.....
BUT
YOU ARE MY MOM.
My rock in every storm. My worst critic. My number one fan. My guide. My strenght. My hero.
" damn, why don't you just call me? why are you being such a coward?" i've been asking myself with such disappointment. wow. i'm talking to myself.insane, i know. truth is, he has not called. i wished secretly he calls me already. the long waiting game for him to pick up the phone and say what he feels is killing me. it's tearing me apart. it's breaking my heart into shattered pieces.
was i wrong? what did i ever do wrong? have i said something that offended him? i'm really clueless. i wish i knew. this sadness is drowning me.has he found someone knew? has he forgotten about his best friend? have i even cross his mind? ironic because he's constantly in my thoughts..circling my brains until it hurts and i can't stand the confusion in my head.
i wonder where in the world is he. and even through all of these annoying thoughts, i wondered if he ate or if he was wroking 16 hours straight again. right then, i have to remind myself not to care for him this much. honestly, i'm trying. i'm really pushing myself NOT to let him invade my weary brain.
why do i fall for people who are too blind to see how much love i have for them? i'm in denial? then why did he show he he cared when he should not have led me on in the first place? i'm confused, that's for sure.
why does love hurt? maybe part of loving is letting go. so tell me, is it time to let go? is he giving me the "exit" signs? i've been crying for days. and i'm bleeding inside. my heart is shattered. is it fixable? i have yet to discover that. sometimes, i believe that love is like a glass. sometimes it is better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.
help!!! my heart is broken. it sucks for me because the heart is the only broken instrument that still works.
sa bawat pikit ng aking mata, wala akong ginustong makamit kundi nasa tabi sana kita. subalit kung nasa harap kita o kaya'y nasa tabi lang kita, hindi ko masabi ang aking nararamdaman para sa iyo. maraming pagkakataon na akong tumitig sa mga mata mo. at bawat sandali ay nakikita ang panakaw mo ring titig sa akin. ngunit hindi ko maintindihan bakit hindi na lang natin masabi ng diretso sa ating sarili ang tunay na tibok sa ating mga puso?
hanggang titig na lang ba? paano na ang mga maraming sandaling magkasama tayo? ang mga iunuumaga kitang kinukulit para lumabas at kumain, ang mga maraming inubos na gabi hanggang umaga na ginugol natin sa pagtawa't pag-iyak at pag-uusap. ilan na bang pelikula ang napanood nating magkasama? ilan araw na ba ang inilipas natin na magkahawak kamay habang naglalakad sa dagat at mga mall?
dalawang linggo na ang nakakaraan noong kumain tayo ng alas dos ng umaga sa chinatown at nakita tayo ng mga katrabaho ko sa ospital. sangkatebang biro, pag-aasar at mala usiserong tanong ang ibinigay nila sa iyo. ako'y nahihiya sa iyo dahil nakita ko ang pag-aalinlangan. siguro doon nuong gabing yon naramdaman mo ang tunay kong mararamdam sa iyo at ang sikretong pagmamahal na matagal ko ring tinago sa iyo.
noong madaling umagang yon sa harap ng bahay namin bago ako magpaalam sa iyo at magpasalamat sa masaya at di makakalumiutang gabi, niyakap mo ako ng mahigpit. maraming beses mo na ako niyakap. pero sa sandaling ito, dama ko ang init ng iyong mahigpit na yakap at ako'y matagal na nakasandal sa iyo. walang ibang katumbas ang tamis ng iyong yakap. wala nang ikagaganda ang madaling umagang yon. ang aking tanging dasal gabi-gabi ay sana nasa piling ako ng malalakas mong braso.
dalawang linggo na ang lumipas. hindi ka man lang tumawag. matagal na akong naghihintay sa iyo. wala akong labas ng loob na tumawag sa iyo. gusto ko lang malaman kung bakit hindi ka na tumatawag. natiyope ka na naman ba? nag-alinlngan ka ba sa akin dahil sa mga pang-aasar ng aking mga katrabaho? o may bago ng nagpapatibok sa puso mo? hindi ko na siguro malalaman. hihintayin na lang kitang tumawag. iyon ay kung tatawag ka pa.
malungkot ang araw ko kapag wala ang iyong alaala.namimiss ko nang manood ng nakakatakot na pelikula na kasama kita dahil pinagtatawanan mo ako dahil palagong nakatakip ang mata ko habang nanuod. namimiss ko ng naririnig ang malakas at nakakahawa mong halakhak. namimiss kong hawakan ang kamay mo. namimimiss ko na ang pagkain natin sa labas ng madaling araw o pagdala mo sa akin ng merienda kung kinukulit kitang dalhan mo ako ng boba o pastrami sandwich. namimiss ko na ang malamig mong boses sa telepono o ang mga matamis mong text sa cell phone ko. pero higit sa lahat...namimiss ko na ang mahigpit at matamis mong yakap.
sana tawagan mo na ko. miss na miss na kita. nakakaloka!
my brother won the world renown SPOTLIGHT AWARDS as los angeles music center at dorothy chandler pavilion. my baby brother bagged the first prize for non-classsical dance. i'm so proud of him. currently, my brother is accepted to julliard in new york and will be attending in the fall on full scholarship.
congratulations LA!!! i'm so proud of you.
i stand proud as a big sister.
THIS FOR MY BROTHER L. A. I am so proud of what my baby brother LA accomplished. Besides, being a straight A student, a true christian who devoted his talent for the Lord, a wonderful sibling, my brother is a magnificent dancer. For all who are unfamilliar, LA's love for dancing is amazing. He trained with the bests of bests dancers in the world from ballet, tap, jazz, hiphop and modern. He won numerous awards in national competitions, spent 2 summer programs in New York's City prestigious AMERICAN BALLET THEATRE on full scholarships (thousands auditioned but only 20 are accepted nationwide). For this summer, he is training with the world reknown San Francisco Ballet on full scholarship. Currently, he''s accepted to the top performing arts colleges inthe country & outside like NYU, Boston U, SF Ballet, Russian Ballet but we're awaiting for his Julliard audition results (he's one of the 10 accepted in California & west end of the country---only 24 will be accpeted for Julliard in April). Watching him dance with so much compassion and grace still leaves me breathless. And it's slowly paying off. I am so proud of what he has become so I'd like to give credit to my brother's accomplishment by sharing it with you. FOR ALL FOR YOU WHO WANTS TO WATCH IT, JUST CLICK ON THE ARROW. THANKS!
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MY SILENT REVERIES
writing is my passion. i created silent reveries years ago to vent out things i could not tell the world. it was my private, modern tech approach to scribbling my thoughts and emotions in a journal. in here, i can feely be who i am. i could cry my woes, i can love freely, i can grieve over a broken heart, i can celebrate the joys in my heart, i can rejoice with my accomplishments, i can tell stories of remarkable friendships and unforgettable connections i made with extraordinary people SECRETLY AND SILENTLY without worrying people might judge me. i hid under the name PINAY FREESTYLE.
but eventually, some people gained access to my secret place. so i opened my doors to them in the purpose that i could inspire them: to be better versions of themselves and to share themselves to the world. slowly, i embraced my readers as a part of my life. i welcomed the strange idea that my untold life stories and unconcealed revelations could be of help to others, to love and accept themselves as they are. and i, i came out from the animosity. i eventually became just the regular LEN - the nickname my family & friends call me.
i developed stories of love, of letting go, of falling in love all over again. i made great friendships. but if there's one thing i was particularly proud of, it was my undenying love for the LORD. i wrote and made soul searching, heart wrenching entries i entitled, "SPIRITUAL REVERIES" which you will find many here. it was my productive way to heal myself from twinge and while i am at it, i could also mend others spirits along the way and bring them back up to par with their faith and relationships with God. it has not stop there. it's still a constant journey.
and so, for as long as i can, i vowed to tell my memorable reflections,i have unmasked the hidden me. and the seeking and searching of life's meaning and purpose is not over. LIFE is a long road of discovering. and i still yet to discover many wonders of this world and satisfy my unending curiosity. but be warned. you can either love me or hate me. but i don't care. this is me: sripped and bare as i can be.
so i invite you into my chaotic unperfect world. join me in my whirlwind new travels of diving into the unknowns. let me share my life with you all over again. come in, as i tell you my SILENT REVERIES.
love,
len
DISCOVER ME:
who is the lady behind the blogs?
"I want to have a personal light, the glow of oneself that comes from sheer willpower, the light of someone who has made important sacrifices in the name of things I think are important."
---Paulo Coelho's "Eleven Minutes"
my name is len. people always tend to judge me without discovering who i really am. i might look intimidating, a typical shop girl, and i act like a crazy party girl on the weekend. but i actually have brains. and i own an even bigger heart.
the truth is, beyond the louis vuitton bags, beyond the lavish parties, the excessive passion to travel and the desire to get to know the world, if you got to know the REAL ME, i am really just a simple girl. my only desire is to be loved for who i am.
REACH ME
if you want to get to know me better, if you want to share your thoughts, if you want to be my friend, don't hesitate: you can find me at
