sana
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
SANA

sabi nila, kailangan raw ng sangkaterbang tatag para magmahal. kailangan raw may dalang malakas na tapang ang pusong ipinaglalaban ang pagbabakasakaling masugatan ito. dito mo raw malalaman ang tunay na ligaya ng magmahal. ang magmahal na yata ang pinakamahirap at pinakamasarap gawin sa mundo. subalit hanggang ngayon, wala paring diksiyonaro ang nakakapagpaliwanag ng tunay na ibig sabihin and pakiramdam ng magmahal.

ang hirap palang umibig. maraming pagdaraanan na karayom para lang sa mahal mo. akala ko noon, walang mahirap don kasi kakayanin ko ang lahat kahit gaano kahirap kung para sa kagaya mo rin lang na akala ko mahal ako. akala ko gagawin mo ring ang lahat dahil mahal mo ako. nagkamali yata ako.

masakit pala ag umibig. palagi ka na lang umaasa tapos wala rin palang papupuntahan. naghihintay ka sa pangarap na mahalin ka rin niya ng tunay dahil iyon naman ang kusa niyang ipinakikita niya sa iyo. ngunit naghihintay ka naman pala sa wala. ganun ba talaga yun? kung hindi ka nasasaktan, hindo mo rin nalalamang nagmamahal ka na pala?

kailangan ba ang masaktan? ang lumuha? ang di ka bisitahin nga antok sa gabi dahil iniisip mo siya ng labis? di ba dapat ang mahalaga ay marunong kang magmahal ng tapat at di ka takot masaktan? sapagka't ang buong hangarin raw magmahal ay may katapat na tunay na pagmamahal. at darating ito sa tamang oras.

kelan ang tamang oras para sa ating dalawa? hindi ko naman sinasadyang mahalin ka. nangyari na lang bigla at walang rason. parang may humila na lang sa puso ko papunta sa iyo. pero itinago ko ito dahil akala ko mahal lang kita dahil matalik kitang kaibigan. ngunit sa pagpanaw ng araw, nakaramdam na lang ako ng ibang pagtingin sa iyo ng higit pa sa kaibigan.

lihim kitang minahal dahil takot akong mawala ka sa akin. at nuong dumating ang pagkakataong ipinagtapat ko sa iyo ang pinakasekretong pagtingin sa iyo, bigla ka lang hindi namansin at hindi nagparamdam. pero hinintay kita. maraming oras ang pinalampas kong iniisip ka at mangarap na mahalin ko rin ako ngayong alam mo na. subali't hanggang ngayon ay wala ka pa ring ginagawa.

sinabi ko naman sa sarili ko noon na hindi tamang mahalin kita dahil kaibigan kita pero tao lang ako. pero pinilit ko ang sarili kong huwag ipaalam sa iyo at itago ang tahat. at ngayon, pinipilit kong limutin ka. masakit para sakin. mahirap gawin. anong gagawin ko? tumakbo? magtago? saan? maliit lang ang mundo ko. mukhang umiikot lang yata sa iyo.

ngayon, tinitiis ko ang hapdi ng umiiyak na puso. siguro nga lasing na ako sa lihim na pag-ibig ko sa iyo. di ba sabi ng iba, para raw maalis ang lasing, kailangan uminom ka ulit ng alkohol para mawala? ganon rin siguro ang pag-ibig. para maalis ang pait at sakin ng masaktan ka at mabiyak ang puso't damdamim mo, kailangan mo muling magmahal. ipinagdarasal ko na lang na sana dunating na ang pagkakataong yun. sana...sana.

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MY SILENT REVERIES
writing is my passion. i created silent reveries years ago to vent out things i could not tell the world. it was my private, modern tech approach to scribbling my thoughts and emotions in a journal. in here, i can feely be who i am. i could cry my woes, i can love freely, i can grieve over a broken heart, i can celebrate the joys in my heart, i can rejoice with my accomplishments, i can tell stories of remarkable friendships and unforgettable connections i made with extraordinary people SECRETLY AND SILENTLY without worrying people might judge me. i hid under the name PINAY FREESTYLE.

but eventually, some people gained access to my secret place. so i opened my doors to them in the purpose that i could inspire them: to be better versions of themselves and to share themselves to the world. slowly, i embraced my readers as a part of my life. i welcomed the strange idea that my untold life stories and unconcealed revelations could be of help to others, to love and accept themselves as they are. and i, i came out from the animosity. i eventually became just the regular LEN - the nickname my family & friends call me.

i developed stories of love, of letting go, of falling in love all over again. i made great friendships. but if there's one thing i was particularly proud of, it was my undenying love for the LORD. i wrote and made soul searching, heart wrenching entries i entitled, "SPIRITUAL REVERIES" which you will find many here. it was my productive way to heal myself from twinge and while i am at it, i could also mend others spirits along the way and bring them back up to par with their faith and relationships with God. it has not stop there. it's still a constant journey.

and so, for as long as i can, i vowed to tell my memorable reflections,i have unmasked the hidden me. and the seeking and searching of life's meaning and purpose is not over. LIFE is a long road of discovering. and i still yet to discover many wonders of this world and satisfy my unending curiosity. but be warned. you can either love me or hate me. but i don't care. this is me: sripped and bare as i can be.

so i invite you into my chaotic unperfect world. join me in my whirlwind new travels of diving into the unknowns. let me share my life with you all over again. come in, as i tell you my SILENT REVERIES.

love,
len


DISCOVER ME: who is the lady behind the blogs?



"I want to have a personal light, the glow of oneself that comes from sheer willpower, the light of someone who has made important sacrifices in the name of things I think are important."

---Paulo Coelho's "Eleven Minutes"

my name is len. people always tend to judge me without discovering who i really am. i might look intimidating, a typical shop girl, and i act like a crazy party girl on the weekend. but i actually have brains. and i own an even bigger heart. the truth is, beyond the louis vuitton bags, beyond the lavish parties, the excessive passion to travel and the desire to get to know the world, if you got to know the REAL ME, i am really just a simple girl. my only desire is to be loved for who i am.

"









REACH ME if you want to get to know me better, if you want to share your thoughts, if you want to be my friend, don't hesitate: you can find me at


::EMAIL ME @ AOL::
:: EMAIL ME @ GMAIL
::FACEBOOK::
::AOL IM: XLENDCX::
::yahoo: YM::
::MYSPACE::
PREVIOUS POSTS
MY ROCK
HEARTS STILL WORKS
TOP TEN THINGS
one day
yakap
PROUD SISTER
i'm just caught up with a lot of important things....
SPIRITUAL REVERIES: TEA CUPupon entering an expens...
HENRY'S BLOG
SPIRITUAL REVERIES: My Attorney


DAILY DOSE OF ME my other blogs: in case, you're not tired of me yet =)


::GOOD THINGS::
life is all about appreciating the simple things

::YACKETY YACKS::
pinay chatter box: much ado about nothing =)

CONTRIBUTIONS articles and works i've done for other e-zines through the years




binibini.org: KEYCHAIN
binibini.org: FAREWELL
binibini.org: SA GITNA NG GABI

HABITUATE fellow bloggers who keeps me entertained and sane




::ernie::
::joyce::
::eric ahn::
::pammy::
::champuru::
::maldito/glenn::
::mica::
::tintin::
::batjay::
::rijah::
::carol::
::christine::

ADDICTION these are a few of my favorite things...




::louis vuitton::
::ugg australia::
::armani exchange::
::h & m::
::banana republic::
::target::
PAMPER ME in this stressful world, i need relaxation. places i hibernate to and hide away from the world. here are some of my favorite spots.




::olympic spa::
::pho siam thai spa::
:: raya spa::
::japanese garden::
::redondo beach::

FREQUENTS embracing life in los angeles: a day in a life in my shoes



::monte carlo cafe::
::THE GROVE::
::coffee bean::
::barnes and noble::
::starbucks::

GOBBLE GOBBLE [L.A.STYLE] food over matter los angeles style =)




::todai::
::sanamluang::
::hodori::
::alcove::
::portos::
::mayflower::
::tommy's::
::roscoe's::
::philippes::
::thai bbq::
::the pantry::
::pinks::
::koji's::
::kabuki::

QUERRIES i don't know everything. so these are the sites i go to answer my inquisitive inquiries, obtain html coldes, and upload my pictures.




::google::
::yahoo::
::ask::
::photobucket::
::blogger::

ARCHIVES