Life goes on
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Life goes on
Arnie and I watched Jet Li's FEARLESS at Century City the other day. Though it was a well made action/karate movie, I loved the exchange of dialogs of the characters. There was a scene there when the main character lost everything he owned and loved. He had nothing.Then his leading lady uttered a line to comfort him and she stated,
" Get sad if you need to be sad.
Cry is you must.
Let it all out.
But when you ran out of tears to cry...
LIFE MUST GO ON."
I guess same goes for me. I must let it all out. I must cry it all out. But when my tears ran out, I must go on. I must move on.
Let me be the one
Sunday, September 24, 2006
"Let Me Be The One"
by: Jimmy Bondoc
Somebody told me you were leavin’
I didn’t know
Somebody told me you’re unhappy
But it doesn’t show
Somebody told me that you don’t want me no more
So you’re walkin’ out the door
Nobody told me you’ve been cryin’
Every night
Nobody told me you’d been dyin’
But didn’t want to fight
Nobody told me that you fell out of love from me
So I’m settin’ you free
[Ref:]
Let me be the one to break it up
So you won’t have to make excuses
We don’t need to find a set up where
Someone wins and someone loses
We just have to say our love was true
But has now become a lie
So I’m tellin’ you I love you one last time
And goodbye
Somebody told me you still loved me
Don’t know why
Nobody told me that you only
Needed time to fly
Somebody told me that you want to come back when
Our love is real again
[ref then bridge]
[Bridge:]
Just turn around and walk away
You don’t have to live like this
But if you love me still then stay
Don’t keep me waiting for that final kiss
We can work together through this test
Or we can work through it apart
I just need to get this off my chest
That you will always have my heart
[ref]
blondie and di always laugh at me whenever i sing emotional filipino love songs. but i have to admit filipino sad songs captures what my heart is saying. things i hardly talk about infront of my friends so i sing it out to them and make fun of it to camouflage what i really feel. here is one of those songs.
Ang Pag-Ibig Kong Itoby Moonstar88
album:
Ang Pag-Ibig kong Ito
Moonstar88
Umiiyak ang aking pusong nagdurusa
Ngunit ayokong may makakita
Kahit anong sakit ang aking naranasan
'Yan ay ayokong kanyang malaman
Refrain:
Mga araw na nagdaan,
kailanma'y hindi malilimutan
Kay tamis na raw ng pagmamahalan
Ang akala ko'y walang hangganan
Chorus:
Ang pag-ibig kong ito
Luha ang tanging nakamit buhat sa'yo
Kaya't sa Maykapal
Tuwina'y dalangin ko
Sana'y...
(Repeat All)
Kapalaran ko ay magbago
(repeat Refrain)
(repeat Chorus)
Kapalaran ko ay magbago
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
dear boy,
it's ironic how i can write the breathtaking essays and have no problem expressing my self. yet, strangely, when i talk to you, i find it so difficult to express myself. perhaps, i just couldn't find the right words. perhaps, maybe i don't know how to express what i feel. but maybe...maybe because i don't really know how i feel.
we've known each other for roughly two years now. and it's a friendship / attraction of up and down drama. i have always been free to tell you exactly how i felt and you are very vocal with yours. your honesty is what draws me to you because you don't care what the world and people will say about what you feel or think: you just say it as blunt and honest.
in the past two years, you never failed to give me your undivided attention. and i am not going to lie about not being flattered having to have those attention. i could not reciprocate what you feel for me because i am not ready. my wounds are not well healed.
lately, you told me you found someone whose giving you a lot of interest. and i told you i was happy for you. but at the same time, it felt strange knowing that you are giving that same attention you have given me to someone else. you reminded me that it could have been me in her position but i have "too many standards" and that i have to change you.
i don't want to change you. you are YOU and i like YOU as you. but i just want you to better your life and mature and seek the world for its finest pastures. i just felt that we always have room for improvements. and certainly, that was my only point. but it was never to degrade you because over the years, i appreciate you for being your own person.
i guess what i am saying is, now that you are giving someone else the attention that you were giving me then, i realized i strangely miss you. don't ask me why. i have no concrete explanations for it. i just do.
i will leave it as that. i'm just here. que sera sera. if you are happy and she's making you happy, i have nothing but happiness for you, too.
<3,
len
Saturday, September 16, 2006
i tried reaching out.
i did....
but eh..
forget it. it's not worthied.
broken pencil
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
B - R - O - K - E - N PENCIL
for a while it was hard. well, i am not going to lie. it is still extremely difficult to erase memories of him when it seems like everything in my world reminded me of him. it's even tearjerking because not only did i lost someone whom i loved dearly but he is also my bestest friend - the one whom i ran to when the world shuts its doors on me. so now, my world had made a drastic change. let's just put it this way: who do you run to when the only person who can make you stop crying, is exactly the one who is making you cry?ironic, isn't it?
it's amazing the things you realize when you lose someone: first, you get mad furiously at yourself for not saying the unrevealed feelings and things you could've said a million times. then you take for granted the unproductive days spent doing nothing when you could have been with them. i guess, it just him my brains that anyone can be taken, at any time in our lives. but we always wait until they're gone to say the things we never had the courage to before. and worse, is that, it was already too late.
and it was just that. they leave as quickly like a bubble...gone in a heart beat and out of the blue.it just happens without reason, and when we expect it least. then the crying sessions begins. the marathon dramas of blaming yourself for falling for him kills you slowly. it pulls our hurting heart to shattered pieces. it breaks our weary souls apart as teardrops dance and secrets feast upon the hearts of innocence who loves despite of. how was it said? i remember reading this before,
"where truth remains untold, beneath the sounds of silence is where the broken hearts unfold." before, when conversations about love, holding on and letting go comes out, i always hang onto to being a " martyr. i, like some people, believe that holding on and hanging in there when you are in love are signs of strength. however, going through these ordeals of getting over him, i came to a conclusion that there are times in our life in which it takes much more strength to just let go. it was best to let go. it was best to let HIM go.
love is such a complicated thing. don't get me wrong. i loved with all my heart. and though i am hurt right now, i still think love is a wonderful thing. but right now, i'm just doing what is practical and harmless for me (and for him). i tried loving him because i just obediently followed the beatings of my heart. only to find out in the end that it was not the right thing. because loving him is like a broken pencil...there's no point.there's just no point...and so i left.
spiritual reveries: PERLAS
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
note: i wanted to write an article in tagalog to recognized the "buwan ng wika" of the philippines which was august. but due to my hectic schedule lately, i don't even have time to return phonecalls that i forgot all about it. also i have been wanting to write a spiritual reverie but i must have had no inspiration to write about it. anyway, today, i had a glimpse of father jerry orbos' musing. i was quite fascinated with how he livens up my chritian faith and so i decided to adapt his idea. but this is my own version. so here's my attempt. excuse my grammars. read on.
spiritual reveries: PERLAS
may matandang mag-asawa raw na nagdiriwang ng kanilang silver wedding anniversary. ang ikadalawampu't limang anibersayo ng kasal ay isang pangkaraniwang okasyon sa buhay ng taong magasawa dahit ito'y na hindi na gaanong naaabot ng mga ordinaryong mag-asawa sa panahon ngayon. bihira na nga ngayon ang umabot man lang sa sampung taon, eh bente singko pa?
sa pagkakataong ito, may nagtanong mama daw sa mister ng babae,
"mister, anong regalo mo sa asawa ngayong silver anniversary niyo na?"
sagot ng mister, "sa silver anniversary namin, dadalhin ko siya sa africa."
nagulat ang mamang nagtanong, "aba, mahal yun ah. eh kung dadalhin mo si misis sa africa sa silver wedding anniversary niyo eh di, mas lalong matindi ang regalo mo sa golden wedding anniversary niyo? eh anong ireregalo mo sa kanya sa golden wedding niyo?
dalidali naman at natutuwang sumagot ang mister ni misis, " ah yun ba? sa golden wedding namin o sa ikalimam pu't anibersayo namin, ang regalo ko kay misis, eh di susunduin ko na siya sa africa."
nakakatuwa nga naman subali't ang leksiyon dito ay walang iwanan.
nabigyang pansin mo ba ang isang perlas? ang halos malaperpektong bilog na hubog nito ay kapansin pansin. ang malakristal na kinang nito ay kinagigiliwan ng marami. iba't ibang kulay nito ay natatagpuan sa mga iba't ibang kabibi at tunay nga namang kaakit-akit sa mata.
subali't alam niyo ba kung paano nabubuo ang alindog ng ating naggagandahang perlas? nag-uumpisa ito sa isang maliit na laman na nakalakip sa gitna ng pantaas and pambabang bunganga ng talaba. inililiblib ito sa dagat at pagkatapos ng paglipas ng panahon, ito'y lumalaki at humuhulma sa iba't ibang hubog at kulay depende sa haba ng panahon at sa kalagayan ng dagat.
subali't hindi maaring mabuo ang isang mutya o perlas kung wala ang pantaas at pambaba ng talabe o kabibe. kinakailang ay may pantaas at pambabang itong masisilungan para ito'y lumago at lumaki at gumanda. kailangan ay kumpleto ang taas at baba ng kabibe o ng talaba nitong pinaglalagyan.nahahalintulad sa kuwento ko nung nauna: kalinagan kumpleto...walang iwanan.
sa pagmamahalan ng dalawang tao, mahalaga na sila'y magkasama at nagkakaintihan sa mga desisyon nila sa mga relasyon nila at sa buhay. sa nga pagsubok at paggalak, kailangan sabay silang lumalaban at nagdiriwang. sa mga laban ng buhay, dapat sabay at kumpleto silang sumusulong. basta kahit ano pa, walang iwanan.
ang panginoon nating maykapal ay ganito rin. tayo ang laman na nagiging mutyang perlas nakakapit sa kanyang pantaas at pambabang kaibe. kumpleto niya tayong inalagaan na nakalakip sa bunganga ng kanyang talabe.siya ang protektor natin sa mga pagkakataong tayo ay namumuo sa loob nito. hinulma, hinubog at mas lalong pinatatag ng kalagayan at panahon ng buhay katulad ng paghulma niya sa kaakitakit na perlas.
at kahit na tayo'y lumaking naggagandahang perlas, sa mga mata ng Diyos, siya pa rin ang lumikha sa atin. tayo ang kanyang perlas at sa kanya pa rin nanggaling ang ating sinag at kinang ke ano mang hubog o kulay tayo. para sa panginoon natin, tayo ay nanggaling sa kanyang kabibe at tayo'y mahalaga. higit sa lahat, siya's mananatiling nandiyan.
at ang kanyang natatanging pangako sa kahit anumang agos ng buhay tayo mapunta, WALANG IWANAN.
