B - R - O - K - E - N PENCIL

for a while it was hard. well, i am not going to lie. it is still extremely difficult to erase memories of him when it seems like everything in my world reminded me of him. it's even tearjerking because not only did i lost someone whom i loved dearly but he is also my bestest friend - the one whom i ran to when the world shuts its doors on me. so now, my world had made a drastic change. let's just put it this way: who do you run to when the only person who can make you stop crying, is exactly the one who is making you cry?ironic, isn't it?

it's amazing the things you realize when you lose someone: first, you get mad furiously at yourself for not saying the unrevealed feelings and things you could've said a million times. then you take for granted the unproductive days spent doing nothing when you could have been with them. i guess, it just him my brains that anyone can be taken, at any time in our lives. but we always wait until they're gone to say the things we never had the courage to before. and worse, is that, it was already too late.

and it was just that. they leave as quickly like a bubble...gone in a heart beat and out of the blue.it just happens without reason, and when we expect it least. then the crying sessions begins. the marathon dramas of blaming yourself for falling for him kills you slowly. it pulls our hurting heart to shattered pieces. it breaks our weary souls apart as teardrops dance and secrets feast upon the hearts of innocence who loves despite of. how was it said? i remember reading this before, "where truth remains untold, beneath the sounds of silence is where the broken hearts unfold."

before, when conversations about love, holding on and letting go comes out, i always hang onto to being a " martyr. i, like some people, believe that holding on and hanging in there when you are in love are signs of strength. however, going through these ordeals of getting over him, i came to a conclusion that there are times in our life in which it takes much more strength to just let go. it was best to let go. it was best to let HIM go.

love is such a complicated thing. don't get me wrong. i loved with all my heart. and though i am hurt right now, i still think love is a wonderful thing. but right now, i'm just doing what is practical and harmless for me (and for him). i tried loving him because i just obediently followed the beatings of my heart. only to find out in the end that it was not the right thing. because loving him is like a broken pencil...there's no point.there's just no point...and so i left.

posted by pinay freestyle @ 10:35 PM

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