it's ironic how i can write the breathtaking essays and have no problem expressing my self. yet, strangely, when i talk to you, i find it so difficult to express myself. perhaps, i just couldn't find the right words. perhaps, maybe i don't know how to express what i feel. but maybe...maybe because i don't really know how i feel.
we've known each other for roughly two years now. and it's a friendship / attraction of up and down drama. i have always been free to tell you exactly how i felt and you are very vocal with yours. your honesty is what draws me to you because you don't care what the world and people will say about what you feel or think: you just say it as blunt and honest.
in the past two years, you never failed to give me your undivided attention. and i am not going to lie about not being flattered having to have those attention. i could not reciprocate what you feel for me because i am not ready. my wounds are not well healed.
lately, you told me you found someone whose giving you a lot of interest. and i told you i was happy for you. but at the same time, it felt strange knowing that you are giving that same attention you have given me to someone else. you reminded me that it could have been me in her position but i have "too many standards" and that i have to change you.
i don't want to change you. you are YOU and i like YOU as you. but i just want you to better your life and mature and seek the world for its finest pastures. i just felt that we always have room for improvements. and certainly, that was my only point. but it was never to degrade you because over the years, i appreciate you for being your own person.
i guess what i am saying is, now that you are giving someone else the attention that you were giving me then, i realized i strangely miss you. don't ask me why. i have no concrete explanations for it. i just do.
i will leave it as that. i'm just here. que sera sera. if you are happy and she's making you happy, i have nothing but happiness for you, too.
<3,
len
posted by pinay freestyle @ 6:48 PM
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