Sunday, September 29, 2002
man of my dreams
there is this old man at the west ward of my floor at the hospital. i would always see him every morning at the start of my shift, sometimes, even before my shift at 7 in the morning. at times, i would see him sleep at this woman's room. i wondered how he was related to the woman. at lunch, he would feed her. then he waits until the night sets in. he would leave for an hour and then go back again. and then the cycle repeats again. i see him the next morning.
and he sits there.
he sits on this leather chair..so uncomfortably. and yet, patiently, he sits there. i would pass by and i would ask, "
are you okay? do you need anything? " and he would just smile back at me. i assumed he did not understood what i said. he spoke spanish only. sometimes, i would catch him staring at her. sometimes, he gives her the bed bath, he pulls the covers all the way to her neck so she won't get cold.
one day, i was assigned to this patient. i found out he was the husband of this woman. they have been married for fifty years now. apparently, the wife was diagnosed of congestive heart failure and suffered a stroke. she has been in the hospital for thirty days now. and each and every day i worked, i would see him there..never miss.
what a dedicated man. for fifty years, he devoted himself to her. and for thirty days now, he sits there beside her just waiting for her to get better. sometimes, when she gets into respiratory distress, he would panic and tears would fall from his face. on the corner, he would cry silently. and i just stand there watching him....wathcing him hurt because she is in pain. when he cries, you can see that she meant the whole world to him. and if she goes, his whole world will collapse
love is such a powerful feeling. this old couple stood through thick and thin and even atthis very moment, they are still fighting for each other. i dream of a man like him. someone who will take care of me, someone who will be there for me especially when i am sick, someone who will sit there in that hospital room, just waiting for me to wake and smile at him. sometimes, wheni think of my future husband ( whoever he may be), i think of this old man who religiously took care of his wife int he hospital.
that's what i call,
" true love."
Tuesday, September 24, 2002
sorry for my long silence.
just in case you were worried, i am STILL ALIVE.
no, let me rephrase that, i am BARELY ALIVE.
well, same excuses with school and work and social life. i am just completely busy with everything. remember my previous schedule below? well, add an hour to each of the categories. that's been my life.
ron's 'almost home.' i am scared. just too many things stresses me out lately. i miss ron terribly and yet, i do not tell him what i feel because i am afraid he would not feel the same way. i held off from expressing what i feel for him lately because we are still going through the "greatest challenge" of our relationship. when this struggle is over and ron is back on his feet, maybe then, i will feel better and all this bitterness inside me will fade away. to add to this, mom doesn't want me to be with ron....i don't know why. that's one thing, too. lately, i've been contemplating about my relationship with ron. part of me wants to go. but part of me is dying to stay. why? because, i truly love him. and yet, i am not sure if he feels the same way. i'll wait and see. i will continue to hope.
my baby sis left for college. i terribly miss her. no one bugs me everyday. right before she left, she wrtoe me a letter thnakign for being her inspiration and for always helping her. of course, i cried. although, i didn't show it to her. i knew she missed me and i knew she wanted ot cry. she's probably missing me, too. i decided not to call her. not yet. it's just, i'll get lonely even more, and i'll make it harder for her to adjust. i am just prayign she's okay.
oh...HAPPY BIRTHDAY GREETINGS TO my sister kring, my cousin ai, and cousin nini. gifts will come later!
to my avid readers, thank you for letting me share my life with you. i will try my best to keep on posting. but your loyalty to read about my life is the only reason why i am keeping this blog on. thank you.
Thursday, September 12, 2002
wonder what have i been doing?
been gone. i know.
why?
here's an elongated explanation:
a minimum of thirty chapters a day.
12 hours of clinical hours at the hospital with carying shifts from 6:00 am to 9:00 pm.
another 6 extra hours at study labs and dealing with that mean and witchy librarian.i hate her!
6 hours straight ( no breaks) of boring lecture.
3 VERY mean, VERY strict professors and clinical instructors ( gosh, they were Vietnam War nurses!)
no talking in class..especially to my friends.
48 hours of work weekly..(with my 12 hours shifts at work..sometimes, i do 16 hours.studying up until wee hours of the night.
waking up early dawn to study some more.
no more social life.
no more shopping.
more bills to pay.
more household chores and errands to do.
i don't even get to see my friends.
i can't even call my friends.
limited time for ron ( my "peasant")
only 3 freakin' hours of sleep DAILY.
and lots of other problems ( for ex: mom does not want me to be with ron..eH. please.)
weary feet, overloaded brain, and very tired body and a lonely heart.
these have been my schedule lately.i don't even know how i am surviving it. and i just started. and i have one more year to deal with it. my gosh. i truthfully feel how it's dead. my body and mind are practically in severe fatigue. there aare days when i am just not in the mood, when i am just so occupied.
ah.
"no pain, no gain," right? i just need patience. just a little more patience. i will get through this. with perseverance and more determination, i will get through this.
so help me, Lord.
Tuesday, September 03, 2002
the professor talked ceaselessly. i stared intimidated. around me were a group of nurses going for a higher degree like me. i felt the urge to study harder.
i started my last year of graduate school today. another year of crunch time. frankly, i am scared. but i am also determined.
i'm almost there.
i can't stop now.
