A Chance To Breathe

Sometimes,
Life creates a circle
Leaving no chance to move ahead,
Trudging along
The same routine
Suffocating me.

Am I wrong
To look at the world
With stars in my eyes,
Searching for something
That has been missing
All along ?

All I need Is a chance to breathe again,
To live life Feel alive again...
Inhaling the sunrise
Exhaling the moonlight,
I just need
A chance to breathe.

Hopes and dreams
Dance around in my head
Waiting to see what the future holds,
Wanting to feel
The warmth of reality
In a world that seems so distant.

Today, Is going to be different,
I'm soaring towards blue skies,
Where my pot of gold
Is at the end of the rainbow...
I'm breaking free.

I'm giving myself
A chance to breathe again,
To live life Feel alive again...
Inhaling spring showers
Exhaling the bitterness of winter,
I'm giving myself
A chance to breathe.

posted by pinay freestyle @ 10:28 PM [[ 0 comments ]]

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A Brand New Start


How could you be so unfair?
The pain I could hardly bare.

You must know my love for you was true,
For I was nothing but faithful to you.

Was our relationship truly that weak?
You didn't even think twice about turning the other cheek

How could you up and walk so easily?
Without even a thought of what you were doing to me.

I have given to you a part of me,
That nobody else will ever, ever see.

With all this in mind,
If you could ever be so kind?

Please take what I've given and wrap it up tight,
Then put it forever and far out of sight.

Letting go of you,
Was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

But be assured, I am no longer hanging on,
For it's time for me to be moving on.

So I'll wipe away the tears,
And wash it away with a few beers.


A brand new start who's to say..
But now I can look forward to the promise of each new day!

posted by pinay freestyle @ 10:15 PM [[ 0 comments ]]

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HE WAS....SHE WAS....

he was a part of a famous, prominent political family,
she was brought up in a religious methodist household.
he was affluent, load, well-provided by his moneyed business minded grandmother,
she worked hard planting rice under the heated sun.

in high school, he was the popular baseball player.
and she was the the MVP for the volleyball team.
he copied test answers from the papers of his friends, and gets the same scores like them.
i heard he was particularly proficient in math
while she studied and brood over her late nights flipping thru textbooks pages.
she was always hardworking...i heard cleverly well versed in english.

he was the popular kid on campus.
often labelled as class clown..leaders of the trouble makers.
she was a quite young lady from a small town.
a nerd, she toiled to be the best of the best.

despite their differences,
he fell in love with her.
he was his second girlfriend.
she was his first boyfriend.

in college, he pursued commerce, then switched to medical school.
but hard life came knocking and he suddenly needed to be the provider for his family.
he then worked for a high powered dintinguished politician at night and studied in the morning.
she, however, witty and smart, was awarded a full scholarship at a christian nursing school.
she still worked as a librarian at night and continued to exert effort to reach her endeavours.

due to the demands of familial responsibilities and brotherly obligations,
he was not able to finished his last 2 years of prebiology major.
on the other hand, her striving approach to life's struggle paid off,
she graduated cum laude and became a registered nurse.

soon after, they got married.
she worked in and out of the country,
she headed different health organizations,
and excelled in her profession as a nurse.

he was a proclaimed business man.
from gravel and sand,
to planting rice,
and building apartments.

she was a strict mom, she demanded her children to read books.
she stressed the importance of education.
he was always "cool and lenient"
always with a smile, often light hearted and easy to talk to.

despite of, they got a long so well.
it just goes to say, "opposites do attract

when she worked miles away abroad,
put forth her role as a mother, toiling sweat and tears for a greener pasture,
he stood as the father and mother of their kids,
washing diapers, attending school PTA meetings,
disciplining the kids and making sure they grow up respectful children.

but despite of every challenges and struggles...
he and she...together, they achieved their dreams together slowly.
established well known business from apartment rentals,
rice field plantations, and put up their dream house...and more.

just like the olden days,
he never fails to walk her and to her car just before she goes to work.
he still does not forget to kiss her goodbye.
in the morning, he awaits for her.
on the days she is off for work, she never failed to askto a date night out.
once a week, he and she...they have a date night and still goes to vacation trips alone together.

20,000 miles away from their hometown,
five children and two granchildren later,
and thirty five years later....
THEY ARE STILL SO STRONG TOGETHER.

he is my dad.
she is my mom.
despite of life's toughest storms and trials,
they held on to each other....no matter what.
such an inspiration for their child like me to find my quest for true love.
i will not be here if they had not have that forgiving, uncomplaining, accomodating love for each other.
thirty five...as in 35 years is not a joke in marriage life.
it is something to learn from.
it is something i treasure.
and i, as their child, i jump in glee
i stand proud.

HAPPY 35TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY MAMA BELEN AND PAPA BERT!
I WISH FOR MORE YEARS OF TOGETHERNESS.
you truly inspire me.
I LOVE YOU.
may the Lord stand with you no matter what.

posted by pinay freestyle @ 12:03 AM [[ 0 comments ]]

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hooked on the ipod listening to this song while reading aileen's post christmas gift [dear john by nicholas sparks - gratzi ai!].

"Raindrops Will Fall"

There's a time for every star to shine
And a place for every dream to see the light
When you have everything
You don't need another reason to be something

Hold on, and look to your faith
Can't let nobody, nobody get in your way

I walked thru the fire
Fought thru the ragin storm
Til I found the peace
That's inside of me
I've got to be strong
I stand for my dreams
I was made for this moment
Take me as I am
Or nothin at all
I'll keep holdin on
Raindrops will fall

Haunting echoes from a careless word
You'll never know how much they hurt
Dreams are precious don't you know
But they are so hard to follow

Hold on and look to your faith
Don't let nobody, nobody get in your way

I was taught not to run away
Cuz raindrops will always fall on your face
When it seems like all hope is gone
Gotta get thru the storm
Before you can see the dawn
This is all I am
This is all I know
And I won't never ever let go
No I won't let go

posted by pinay freestyle @ 11:54 PM [[ 0 comments ]]

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over over over....i'm done i'm so over you!

posted by pinay freestyle @ 6:03 PM [[ 0 comments ]]

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ONE TOUGH CHICK

wide awake as everyone else are in the warmth of their beds. it's 3:38 in the morning, for heaven's sake. if it was up to me, i would doze off. like the rest, i'd like to sleep the night away. but thoughts of twinge invade the coldness of this winter night.


what could i have done right or wrong this time? i can't answer that. maybe, i was gullible. maybe, i was innocent. or maybe, it was real...i really loved him 'that much.' but you know what? i have to give myself a pat in the back. as far as i am concerned, i have done everything right. i may not be equipped with a lot of experience but i am certainly convinced i gave it my best shot. and no, i am not in denial. i am sure. i loved him but i also loved myself enough to leave. despite of the overwhelming fear of getting hurt again, this whole "glued together" heart of mine took a chance to love again.

i am faced with "what now?" question...again. most of my close friends called and texted and emailed with heartwarming messages. kuya art even said, "akala ko nagpakamatay ka na!" (i thought you killed yourself). and i couldn't help but laughed so hard. i am humored by that because i would never do that. my life is too precious. rick uttered, " F*** that ***hole! i am so proud of you for leaving! you don't deserve him. " perhaps, he was right. i was just too blind to see that. one of my long time admirer offered, "i'm still waiting..." and i'm flattered but i don't think i would be ready.

truth is, i have no sense of direction. but i honestly know what i want. i advised my ownself that i won't stop my self from crying. i will let myself cry it off. and i did...since last night...the whole day...and now again. for how long, i don't know. but i promise i'll make it a short and sweet sobbing session.

i am blessed with a great life surrounded by many people who cares for me immensely. i am loveless, heartbroken, and i've been crying like a baby, but it's a wonderful life, nonetheless. where do i go from here? i still have to recuperate from the surgery, i have school and work waiting for me, i have lovedones to thank...and more parties to attend to, more vacation to take...the amount of things to do, places to see and adventures to seek are limitless.

i'm one tough chick who can wrestle and spar with life's most difficult battles. no one and nothing can kill that extraordinary spirit. it's just human nature that i am hurting and so i am letting the tears fall naturally. i'm just a mere human. so if anyone sees me crying, it doesn't mean, i am weak. i guess, if there's any consolation, all the tears makes me stronger and the twinge defines me as a better person.

so, don't worry. i am strong. no one can hold me down. but...please...for now, just...let me sob.

posted by pinay freestyle @ 4:42 AM [[ 0 comments ]]

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CURRENTLY PLAYING ON IPOD.....

i just want to cry.

just let me cry......

posted by pinay freestyle @ 12:24 PM [[ 0 comments ]]

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posted by pinay freestyle @ 10:33 PM [[ 0 comments ]]

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FAKE FRIENDS, REAL FRIENDS


BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE: THIS MUSING IS DEDICATED TO MY FRIENDS - C'MON YOU GUYS KNOW WHO YOU ARE!

::::to those who thought i was innocent and i brought them to "olympic gardens" in las vegas and got the surprise of their lives ( remember asian guy in prison uniform!!!) and to the ones i couldn't bring there, i had to bring "the surprise" to them----the famous line: "ma'm, there seem to be a lot of commotions here and the neighbor's are complaining....SURPRISE!!! " please don't show the evidence to your bfs/husbands/whoever...they'll kill me!

::::to those who rang up the 5,000 unlimited night and weekends calls and 1,000 unlimited texts on my cingular account, who slept on me on the phone, listened to my blabs, and shared my innermost thoughts and secrets....it's priceless!

::::to those who never left me in the night club when i was super drunk, who tried so freakin' hard to find my platform shoe because i was too drunk to figure out where i left it, and would show up in my house just to make sure i did get home safely.

::::: to those who would show up in my house because they were broke and so they had to deal with eating canned sardines and unlimited dose of corned beef even if the rice was cooked raw or overcooked. you rock!

:::::to those who sweared and was almost killed by my parents and their parents as well because they "didn't know where i was" (even if they sooo knew everything - thanks!). i'm forever grateful!

::::: to those who listened to my repetitive, crying open monologue drama about how my life and boys suck and convinced me that the pain will go away after washing it with "couple hundred shots" of tequila or "just" ten dose of miller lights. because of you, i am now high tolerant on alcohol. hahah

::::: to those who will pick me up all the way in las vegas from los angeles if they had,too, and gamble the day away before heading back home broke.

:::::to those who will drive with me and have a blast invading the streets of las vegas and of snowtubing/snowboarding the day away at big bear after flunking a big exam and donates 25 cents in our "HATE THAT B*TCH" FUN every time they mention that devilish professor's name. i miss you ......waaahh!

:::: to those who will maxed out their credit cards along with me and say, "we're broke but sh***we're fabulous!" despite the facts our significant others hid most of our credit cards, we managed to sneak in one or two!

::::to those who spent nights with me karaokeing the nights away, listening and clapping to my out of tune voice, dancing on top of the table at kbox, max in glendale, charm's pad, arnie' s, tony's and my pad...you will always be my number one fan!!!

::::: to those who would run and sweat out those two hour cardio training and running at bally's total fitness with me and one hour after, asked the waiter at johnny rockets how many calories are in their strawberry milkshake topped with whip cream and gulp it down without any trace of guilt anyway? love it love it!!

:::::to those who vowed to do 24 hour "review" sessions with me at the USC library, drank 10 cups of venti double expresso caramel macchiatto and only did 4 hours of studying and 20 hours of sleeping!!!

:::::to those who would hang with me at santa monica beach with me at one in the morning and helped dig in kristine's shoes in the sand, acted and pretended that you swear her shoes were washed by the shore!!! you deserved an oscar for that!

::::to those who got me addicted to mi goreng noodles, caramel macchiatto, mayflower, hodori, korean bbbq, applebees, "sex on the beach cocktails, "rio casino," the oxtail soup at califronia hotel.....etc....

::::to those i forgot to mention and will remember later...you guys know who you are ane you're equally special! i love you guys!

NOTE::::FAKE FRIENDS, REAL FRIENDS was adopted from ate joyce! just wanted to share. thanks joyce! i love it!!!


FAKE FRiENDS: Never ask for food.

REAl FRiENDS: are the reason you have no food.


FAKE FRiENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs
REAl FRiENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM

FAKE FRiENDS: bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
REAl FRiENDS: Would sit next to you sayin "Damn ... we fucked up ... but that shit was fun!"

FAKE FRiENDS: never seen you cry.
REAl FRiENDS: cry with you

FAKE FRiENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
REAl FRiENDS: keep your shit so long they forget its yours.

FAKE FRiENDS: know a few things about you.
REAl FRiENDS: Could write a book about you with direct quotes from you.

FAKE FRiENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
REAl FRiENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.


FAKE FRiENDS: Would knock on your front door.
REAl FRiENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME!"

FAKE FRiENDS: Are for awhile.
REAl FRiENDS: Are for life.

FAKE FRiENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough.
REAl FRiENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say "Bitch drink the rest of that you know we don't waste shit."

FAKE FRiENDS: will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.

REAl FRiENDS: Will knock them the fuck out

posted by pinay freestyle @ 5:24 PM [[ 0 comments ]]

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10 greatest lessons i've learned from 2006

10. life is a bundle of different flavored candies. take your pick! don't be afrain to try something new. you'll never know unless you tried. someday, you won't be dealing with those "what if's" questions. dare to be different. if she wears pink, wear black. if her hair is straight, flaunt your curls. sometimes, it pays to be the leader than the follower.

9. love yourself. you are the Lord's greatest masterpiece. your imperfections are the things that makes you unique. do not compare yourself to others. in your eyes, think of yourself as always "beautiful." how can you expect others to love you when you yourself doesn't love your own self? my cousin hannah gave a small speech about this before the exchange gift on xmas eve. o sige na nga...ang ganda ko talaga
( ok...don't hate because i am beautiful! hahah!)

8. watch your back. people....even the one closest to you can back stab you. how was it said? " keep your friends close but keep your enemies closer. " (never mind who)

7. think of distance as a temporary vacation. i miss my lovedones. but i know these distantial sacrficises will pay off in the end. in no time, we'll all be together again. ( hang in there sis kring and bro long!)

6. my parents can be strictest humans on earth...but they're also the kindest. my mom never left my side when i had the operation and grilled the surgeon about the side effects of ym meds. my father slept right next to me making sure i was recovering fine. and oh yes, i had a healthy dose of chicken noodle soup that they made everyday....eventhough i refused to eat anything! (love you 'my and popeye)

5. value your best friends. i don't have a roses and rainbow relationship with my best friend. in fact, we have our own shares of drama and comedy. we're even apart for most times. but when we see each other, despite the conflicts, we clicked like a puzzle. the thorns and storms of our friendship are what makes our foundation this strong ( thanks maff!)

4. charity work should remain untold. why do people help people and it has to be broadcasted? does the whole world have to know about it? seriously. it shouldn't be revealed out as an advertisement commercial on television. isn't it much rewarding to 'just HELP secretly'? so if you desire to help, help them here or here and here...and god! don't tell me about it, just do it!!!!

3. not because he is your best friend of 8 years, does it mean, you know everything about him....NOT SO TRUE! he lies, he cheats....behind your back! i learned this the hard way. he is not so ideal after all. it's his loss, anyway. good bye! ( uhummm - you know who you are....i forgive you anyway)

2. pain is not a freakin' joke! morphine and vicodin are man's best friend especially when you just went under the knife. i am a better nurse after feeling the strangest side effects of narcotics! my patients are going to benefit from this extraordinary experience.

1. love comes on a time you least expect it, when you are not looking for him, when you feel like no one else will love you....HE comes along. (i love you, "mr. pentagon" --- who is he? secret!!!) hahah.

posted by pinay freestyle @ 5:20 PM [[ 0 comments ]]

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