Tuesday, April 25, 2006
i'm just caught up with a lot of important things....I WILL BE BACK SOON!


Tuesday, April 11, 2006
SPIRITUAL REVERIES: TEA CUP

upon entering an expensive antique shop, a couple who were avid antique collectors, was automatically charmed by the well decorated ancient cup placed beautifully in the china cabinet. the tea cup was clearly a labour of love: it's uniquely molded handle was chaped like a half of a perfect heart, its brightly painted almost ivory background and painstakingly engraved gold colored etch brought so much exquisiteness. the elaborate artwork must have taken time to portray such elegance. it is not a surprise that this was such a prized collection.

as the couple gazed at the enamoured beauty of this tea cup, the tea cup started talking,

"did you know where i came from to get just to get this much attention from you? it was such a long journey to be the 'charmer' you're obsessing today. let me tell you the story..."


the tea cup continued on with his story...

once, i was a mirky, wet, sticky, soft earth that my potter found on the banks of a river. i was often called a mud. but my potter called a clay as he said i can be molded into any form and shape. but my potter put me through such a painful reincarnation.

first, with his bare hands, he twisted and turned me upside, downward. he platted, rounded, whittles me into various form and shapes. he pulled and tuggled me with a forming pin. he dismantled me and fitted me along with other pieces back together until i was in his desired form.

after that dismantling and putting together stage, then i asked him if pull and tug torture was over, and he smiled and he said, "NOT YET."

my potter then enclosed me in a brick stoned chamber of glowing heat. the fiery compartment was loaded with blazing charcoals. i was attacked with scorching flames. then even worse, the potted turned me in circles making sure i had equal amount seared burn in every angle. when i felt like i was hardening from the intensity of the inferno, Thank God, my potter finally took me out.

annoyed this time, i asked him again, i hope we're done now, that was too much. again, he replied simply, " NOT YET."

as my potter prepping some paint stuff, he let me cool down. and layed me in a dry airy surface. i could feel my whole body forming like a cement. but before that, i saw him getting a sharp chisel. i cried ouch as he gouge that chisel on my body and sculp leaflet incise all over me. he chipped, cleaved, sliced me and carved me on different areas of my exterior. i'm slowly guising into some odd contour.

again, i asked, " are we done?" but as always, he smiled again and, said, " NOT YET."

after all the sculpturing was done, my potter stood me up and started overlaying coats of almost white enamel on my dark surface. he brushed me up and down , sideways left and right with straight strokes. he then dried me up a little.

as the potter touched my skin, and it was dry, he started coating the other brush with a golden pigment. next he carefully doodle colors to chisseled leaflets parts of my body. he repeated this motion until all the carved drawings are filled with color. this brought out all the hewed outlining details he did earlier with the bladed chisel. lastly, he overlayed a clear plaster creating a stylish gloss.


i said to myself, i hope this is the last step so i asked my potter again, "is that it?" but no, he was not not done yet. as i expected, " NOT YET."

just when i thought my misery was over, my potter then loaded some more charcoal to the already heated chamber. this time, the combustion of flame is twice intensity from the first time. the rapid oxidation of the coals created an even hailing zeal of red fire. and i, i was placed enveloped by the burning element. my potter made sure that the i was circled by the scorching inferno. he said that this bombarding method of the flare will make my exterior stronger and it will make me withstand any weather. yeah, easy for him to say, he's not the one roasted in this hot spot hell.

again, he removed me from that blazing fire. and cooled me down again on the flat surface. this time my potter was getting ready to leave me there for days and i think even nights. yet, he made sure the chilly breeze porvided me enough ventilation.

my potter looked at me with so much accomplishment. his eyes stared at me with such gaze and pride as he left that night. i thought his mission was over and he quickly replied, "i know what you're going' to ask. NOT YET, we're not done yet. but please, just wait patiently, it will be over soon. but okay, i will give some deserved rest for now but i'll be back."

seven days later, my potter returned with obvious excitement. as he approached me, i noticed my maker was holding a clear varnished mixture. he then dipped a big brush into the transparent paint and slowly coating me with waxy stain. up and down ryhtmics of his wrist as he slapped the paint all over me. he mentioned this last ordeal will give me my needed elegance. and that this should outline my more refine gloss and shine. i just waited for him impatiently.

just as he did after he was done, he dried me again. but this time, he let me dry in the scorching heat of the sun. but he waited until all the gloss in my body dried off completely. finally, he picked up a mirror and for the first time, i saw how i look like. in such astonishment, i marvelled the same way you did when you first sae me. i could not believe i was that tea cup. i was just a mirky soiled mud before with no color. and now, i am a glossy beauty with radiant elegance. wow, my potter really did some serious metamorphosis on me. i never thought i would look and feel this good after that long, exhausting transformation.

that was hundred of years ago when my potter picked me up and wrapped my finished creation in a smooth cloth. my next appearance was when i was unwrapped as a gift for his wife. after that, i was passed to generation to the next until i was sold to this antique shop.

so that was the teacup's life story of evolution. sounded similar to human life's story of transformations? that was my reason of sharing it here.

sometimes our human lives needs tagging and pulling and reshaping in order to become better people. sometimes, we have to be chipped and chiselled to be form into our transforming shapes of our being. sometimes, we need to be painted with other shades than black to show our true beauty. sometimes, we have to be placed inside chambers of flames alongside the zealing charcoals and be burned with scorching heat to be stronger individuals inside and out.

sometimes, we have to let OUR POTTER'S hand mold us, create us, and carve us into apostles HE wants us to be. sometimes, we get impatient and we get anxious of what HE wants to do with us. but OUR POTTER is great that sometimes, He gives us time alone to just dry out and chill in the breeze. sometimes, if He does that, we feel that HE took us forgranted. sometimes, we feel that he's not hearing our prayers and kept telling us, NOT YET, but realized that OUR POTTER has a greater purpose. everything HE did to us to be reshaped to be what HE hope we can become has a reason.

so TRUST HIM. let HIM mold you, test your strengh in heat or left alone in cold. let him etch you and carve you. Because He has a greater plan for you. Because YOU are his greatest masterpiece. One that HE shows off with so much pride and accomplishment. IN HIS TIME, He will do this, IN HIS right TIME.

[Lord, let us savor the strenous story of the reincarnation of the mud to a clay to a beautiful tea cup. we realized that it was not such an easy change. Just like our life is filled with discomfort and change. But we trust YOU, LORD, that you do this because you made us and only you can chisel us to be better. So, i am giving you my life LOrd and all its glory. Reshape us and mold us, OH LOrd. Make us like the teacups you want us to be whose radiance and beauty even for a long time after, are admired and appreciated by others.Let us trust you, LOrd. Thank you for being my POTTER. Amen.]

HENRY'S BLOG
Sunday, April 09, 2006
ERNI CRACKS ME UP....HERE'S A SAMPLER

christmas 2005 (part 2)
I never did talk about Christmas with my Mom and my sister, did I? Very well, then.

So every Christmas, I take my mom out to a Chinese restaurant. This should surprise absolutely no one, since the Chinese shopping centers treat Christmas like any other day of the year except for the giant Christmas tree smack dab in front of the Ranch 99. I like to think of the Christmas tree as a sign of goodwill from the management; in reality, it's probably more of a blatant reminder to the employees that while white people everywhere are spending time with their families, they're busy stocking shelves, steaming pork buns or selling body parts of endangered species.

This year though, my mother wanted something different.

Ernie: So where do you want to eat this year, Ma?
Mom: ... this year, I want American food.
Ernie: [cue sound of record scratching] Really?
Mom: But nothing too expensive. I don't want you to spend too much money on me, after all.

Now, my mother's version of "Fancy American Dining" is usually Hometown Buffet; the idea of all-you-can-eat spare ribs and crab legs is the ultimate American decadence to her, along with the Home Shopping Network. (She LOVES her those damn cubic zirconium rings, but that's another blog post entirely.) Unfortunately for me, Hometown Buffet is closed on Christmas Day, which leaves two options: Denny's or an uber-fancy restaurant.

I briefly close my eyes and try to imagine us eating Christmas dinner at Denny's. Then I remind myself that the last time I was at Denny's, it was three in the morning and I witnessed one of the servers start a physical altercation with the short order cook. I then imagine my sister, losing her temper and attacking both of them with a serrated butter knife.

Well, that won't do.

So instead, I took them to Parcel 104, a fancy restaurant that serves "Californian Cuisine." Now, I've never taken both my mother and my sister out to anything this extravagant before, so I'm a little nervous; I remind them to wear something nice beforehand - NO SWEAT PANTS - and when I show up to the house to take them to the restaurant, my mother is wearing a delightful red sweater, red slacks, and has a red silk scarf around her neck. My sister is wearing the same sweater and scarf combination, but in green. Like they were stewardess for "Crazy Chinese Family Airlines," now departing for a fancy American restaurant.

Mom: Ernie, your face and neck are going to be cold. Here, I made a scarf a couple of years ago than you can wear, so you can be warm.
The scarf is made out of silk. It has blue flowers on it.

Ernie: No.
Mom: What's wrong with it? Blue is a masculine color. FOR BOYS!
Ernie: NO, NO, A THOUSAND TIMES NO.
Mom: (mocking) Wah. THOUSAND NO. Ai-ya.
Once we actually got seated inside the restaurant, the experience went by relatively smoothly. Instead of writing about the actual dining experience itself, I'll just highlight the experience in little bullet points:

My mother and sister eats salads and entrees the same way they eat a bowl of ramen: hover over the bowl or plate, shovel everything you can into your mouth, bite off the rest, continue process until food is eaten. Salad fork? Knife? Fuck that, we're going for efficiency. I nodded and smiled politely to our waitress and fellow patrons as they did their best to convince themselves that table etiquette isn't really necessary on Christmas day.

Mothers will be mothers. "You don't have enough vegetables," my mom said as he grabbed a fork full of Caesar's salad Hearts of Romaine and dumped it on top of my Carrot Bisque soup. Not wanting to cause a commotion, I did the only thing I really could do; eat that goddamn salad floating on my soup as quickly as possible, stuffing the whole thing in my mouth. It's kinda like playing Chubby Bunny, but with organic ingredients and more humiliating.

And that was my Christmas, really.

SPIRITUAL REVERIES: My Attorney
Friday, April 07, 2006
SPIRITUAL REVERIES: My Attorney

After living what I felt was a "decent" life, my time on earth came to the end. The first thing I remember is sitting on a bench in the waiting room of what I thought to be a court house. The doors opened and I was instructed to come in and have a seat by the defense table.

As I looked around I saw the "prosecutor." He was a villainous looking gent who snarled as he stared at me. He definitely was the most evil person I have ever seen. I sat down and looked to my left and there sat My Attorney, a kind and gentle looking man whose appearance seemed so familiar to me, I felt I knew Him.

The corner door flew open and there appeared the Judge in full flowing robes. He commanded an awesome presence as He moved across the room. I couldn't take my eyes off of Him. As He took His seat behind the bench, He said, "Let us begin." The prosecutor rose and said, "My name is Satan and I am here to show you why this sinner belongs in hell." He proceeded to tell of lies that I told, things that I stole, and in the past when I cheated others. Satan told of other horrible perversions that were once in my life and the more he spoke, the further down in my seat I sank.

I was so embarrassed that I couldn't look at anyone, even my own Attorney, as the Devil told of sins that even I had completely forgotten about. As upset as I was at Satan for telling all these things about me, I was equally upset at My Attorney who sat there silently not offering any form of defense at all. I know I had been guilty of those things, but I had done some good in my life - couldn't that at least equal out part of the harm I'd done? Satan finished with a fury and said, "This sinner belongs in hell, and is guilty of all that I have charged and there is not a person who can prove otherwise."

When it was His turn, My Attorney first asked if He might approach the bench. The Judge allowed this over the strong objection of Satan, and beckoned Him to come forward. As He got up and started walking, I was able to see Him in His full splendor and majesty. I realized why He seemed so familiar; this was Jesus representing me, my Lord and my Savior.

He stopped at the bench and softly said to the Judge, "Hi, Dad," and then He turned to address the court. "Satan was correct in saying that this man had sinned, I won't deny any of these allegations.. And, yes, the wage of sin is death, and this sinner deserves to be punished." Jesus took a deep breath and turned to His Father with outstretched arms and proclaimed, "However, I died on the cross so that this person might have eternal life and he has accepted Me as his Savior, so he is Mine."

My Lord continued with, "His name is written in the book of life and no one can snatch him from Me. Satan still does not understand yet. This man is not to be given justice, but rather mercy."

As Jesus sat down, He quietly paused, looked at His Father and said,"There is nothing else that needs to be done. I've done it all."

The Judge lifted His mighty hand and slammed the gavel down. The following
words resounded from His lips... "This man is free. The penalty for him has already been paid in full. Case dismissed."

As my Lord embraced me and led me away, I could hear Satan ranting and raving, "I won't give up, I will win the next one."

I asked Jesus as He gave me my instructions where to go next, "Have you ever lost a case?" Christ lovingly smiled and said, "Everyone that has come to Me and asked Me to represent them has received the same verdict as you, "PAID IN FULL."

{Lord, in our times of trials and tribulation, you defended us. In our times we committed sins and made awful mistakes, you defended us even if we thought ourselves we were unworthy. Through all of the shortcomings, you forgave us and loved us unconditionally. Help us teach that virtue of forgiveness to the people around us. Let us understand that before we are forgiven, we, ourselves have to forgive the people who have hurt us. So Lord, I forgive them whoever they are. I will leave all that all to You. Forgive me, Lord for my mishaps. Thank you for giving me the gift of forgiveness. I ask all of this in Your Blessed Name. Ame]

texas ranger?
Thursday, April 06, 2006
texas ranger?

AB and i were discussing his spring break plans. he mentioned that he might be going to texas to see family with his momma. but he was hesitant about going because he has a feeling that all his family are going to gang up on him to convince him to finally move to texas permanently. his mom wants to move there but AB wants to stay here in cali forever.

"imagine me being in texas? what the hell am i going to do in texas?"

"well, you can raise and ride horses?"

" the houses ae cheap but my next neighbor is a ten ranches away. it's just not for me. what is there in texas that will make me stay?"

"well, you can eat texas sized portion steaks everyday (since you're a steak-kind'a-guy anyway)"


"what job will i do? what's going to be my long term plans? it's this thing you know that i am thinking off? what job will i pursue in texas?

"well, you can be a texas ranger!!!"

(LAUGHS OUT LOUD then suddenly STOPPED after noticing AB was not laughing at all)

"what the hell are you talking about. you're supposed to help me convince my mom that texas is not for me.

"okay, mr. sungit. ur swangit! but sowee."

JEALOUSY SEALOUSY
Sunday, April 02, 2006
JEALOUSY SEALOUSY

talkin' to AB on the cellie. i hear him talking to some lady. almost murmuring.

"who was that? (irritated) are you dating someone else?"

"no. what are you thinking again?"

" don't deny it. you're with someone."

AB talking to someone else, attempts to cover the phone and i heard murmurs, "ok, sweety but we got to go now."

ME talking to him, angrily now, " and who the heck is 'sweety' huh?

AB to me, "wait. just a sec." and continues talking to "sweety."

ME to him, " who in the world is your sweety? why are you lying? i'm getting upset. i don't want to talk to you anymore. just talk to your sweety. okay?

I HUNG UP THE PHONE.

AB calls back.

"why did you hung up the phone? i told you give me a minute
."

"eh. just talk to your sweety."


HE LAUGHS SO HARD.

"uhuh. not funny, you know."

HE LAUGHS AGAIN.'

"you laugh one more time, i'm dropping this phone."


AB TO MS. SWEETY.

"sweety, can you talk to this girl on the line?"

SWEETY TO ME.

"how are you dear? AB is just helping me out with some of my medicines while we were smoking outside. he's such a fine man. are his wife? oh, you're one lucky girl, i tell yah. he's a wonderful nurse..."


AB TO ME, STILL LAUGHING.

"happy now?ms. meanerz? are you still mad? "

"no. i'm not mad. i'm just jealouse."

"jealouse of an 80 year old schizophrenic who needs psych guidance."

"okay, i'm not jealouse. i'm just insane. ok. goodnyt sungit. talk to you later."

normalcy long distance friendly mingle

normalcy: long distance friendly mingle

couple days ago, i received a surprising text from maffia 20 minutes before 12 midnight. surprising because maff is know to be the "sleeping beauty"---this girl can snooze like there's no tomorrow. it's her favorite past time. strangely awake late at this time as she often hits the sack earlier than most of the old folks i know ( LOL around 7 - 8 pm, she's shuteyed in her siesta). but even more oddly, i was also awake considering i am on multiple dos eof narcotics and pain relievers and antibitotics. it seems that i am developing resistance to my meds.

in fact, i did not have the urge to tuck my ownself to bed. i'm submerged in the deep sea of the unwanted commotions unraveling in my head. it almost felt like i'm riding a rollercoaster heading its way to the abysmal beneaths of the ocean.the insomniac behavior is unexplainable. so after several nail pounding, nail breaking SMS/text exchanges, i decided i'd call maffi instead and save my newly polished nails for further damage (talk about vain!).

"hoy!!!!how come you're not sleeping yet?"

"you think i can sleep? i can't sleep. i'm too stressed out to sleep. i'm just goin' thorugh a lot"

"why nga?"

then being my best friend for 11 years now, i almost predicted what she was going to say. so she vents out her recent dilemmas and stresses to me. then we talk about everything---it's almost as if the whole universe is part of our world. we discussed everything from the growing alyssa, her chaotic family, my melodramatic family, our stressing concerns and demanding obligations with both our families, that lunatic "she-needs-psychotic-evaluation" landlord, our aspiring dreams, our annoyance with the envious family members and supposed "friends & acquiantances "we have( the super mayabang ones and the pretentious wanna be rich relatives out there) then our never ending lovelife and then of course, our converstions will not be complete with our detailed, gossipy , ever so hearty "tsimis."

we chatted and exchanged stories and problems for what seemed forever. knowing maff, she blabs to me until one of us falls asleep ..until i am able to keep one eye shut and one eye open --she thinks i am still awake. but this time, i was wide awake and so was she but really, we just did not have enough time to deliberate about everybody's matters and involvement. then maff realized we've been parleying bubbly for hours. she still have to wake up early in the morning for her 9 to 5 office job. and so i am left to force myself to sleep.

catching up with maffia and holding meaningfil dialogues only me and her can understand are one of the precious moments of my life. she's the only person in this world whom i can trash out the bizzarre comments and ghastly thoughts i have in my head and yet, she interprets it precisely like i do. no other human in this planet have that ability to grasp things and identify matters almost exactly like i do. maffi is gifted with that. sometimes, i truly feel that it's difficult for her to fathom my thoughts and emotions. but even if she does, she never shows it and she supports my battles with me all the way.

when i feel as if the world turns away and misunderstands me, when the people around me ignores what i feel and disregards my inportance in their lives, when i am left out and the door shuts me down, when i feel unattractive, when i am detached, when i feel abnormal...maffi brings back some normalcy. though we can't be together in the same place physically at the same time, i know having her on the other end of the phone like, listening emphathetically and perceptively to my outlandish and grotesque encounters brings back sanity in my insane peculiar environment.

for that, maff i am very grateful having such wonderful friend in you. you are the true definition of a best friend: someone who will never judge you no matter what people say about you and someone who will fight every battle with you even knowing that sometimes they will have bruises and sometimes they willfail...but she fight for you anyway. i love yah, girl. we will get through our rough times.

MY SILENT REVERIES
writing is my passion. i created silent reveries years ago to vent out things i could not tell the world. it was my private, modern tech approach to scribbling my thoughts and emotions in a journal. in here, i can feely be who i am. i could cry my woes, i can love freely, i can grieve over a broken heart, i can celebrate the joys in my heart, i can rejoice with my accomplishments, i can tell stories of remarkable friendships and unforgettable connections i made with extraordinary people SECRETLY AND SILENTLY without worrying people might judge me. i hid under the name PINAY FREESTYLE.

but eventually, some people gained access to my secret place. so i opened my doors to them in the purpose that i could inspire them: to be better versions of themselves and to share themselves to the world. slowly, i embraced my readers as a part of my life. i welcomed the strange idea that my untold life stories and unconcealed revelations could be of help to others, to love and accept themselves as they are. and i, i came out from the animosity. i eventually became just the regular LEN - the nickname my family & friends call me.

i developed stories of love, of letting go, of falling in love all over again. i made great friendships. but if there's one thing i was particularly proud of, it was my undenying love for the LORD. i wrote and made soul searching, heart wrenching entries i entitled, "SPIRITUAL REVERIES" which you will find many here. it was my productive way to heal myself from twinge and while i am at it, i could also mend others spirits along the way and bring them back up to par with their faith and relationships with God. it has not stop there. it's still a constant journey.

and so, for as long as i can, i vowed to tell my memorable reflections,i have unmasked the hidden me. and the seeking and searching of life's meaning and purpose is not over. LIFE is a long road of discovering. and i still yet to discover many wonders of this world and satisfy my unending curiosity. but be warned. you can either love me or hate me. but i don't care. this is me: sripped and bare as i can be.

so i invite you into my chaotic unperfect world. join me in my whirlwind new travels of diving into the unknowns. let me share my life with you all over again. come in, as i tell you my SILENT REVERIES.

love,
len


DISCOVER ME: who is the lady behind the blogs?



"I want to have a personal light, the glow of oneself that comes from sheer willpower, the light of someone who has made important sacrifices in the name of things I think are important."

---Paulo Coelho's "Eleven Minutes"

my name is len. people always tend to judge me without discovering who i really am. i might look intimidating, a typical shop girl, and i act like a crazy party girl on the weekend. but i actually have brains. and i own an even bigger heart. the truth is, beyond the louis vuitton bags, beyond the lavish parties, the excessive passion to travel and the desire to get to know the world, if you got to know the REAL ME, i am really just a simple girl. my only desire is to be loved for who i am.

"









REACH ME if you want to get to know me better, if you want to share your thoughts, if you want to be my friend, don't hesitate: you can find me at


::EMAIL ME @ AOL::
:: EMAIL ME @ GMAIL
::FACEBOOK::
::AOL IM: XLENDCX::
::yahoo: YM::
::MYSPACE::
PREVIOUS POSTS
Life update
Morning and Mourning Weeps
6 years.
2017 updates
I'm getting married!
ENGAGED!
3 years
To That Person I Fell In Love With When the Timing...
Beginnings
Reflection: $100 PER HOUR


DAILY DOSE OF ME my other blogs: in case, you're not tired of me yet =)


::GOOD THINGS::
life is all about appreciating the simple things

::YACKETY YACKS::
pinay chatter box: much ado about nothing =)

CONTRIBUTIONS articles and works i've done for other e-zines through the years




binibini.org: KEYCHAIN
binibini.org: FAREWELL
binibini.org: SA GITNA NG GABI

HABITUATE fellow bloggers who keeps me entertained and sane




::ernie::
::joyce::
::eric ahn::
::pammy::
::champuru::
::maldito/glenn::
::mica::
::tintin::
::batjay::
::rijah::
::carol::
::christine::

ADDICTION these are a few of my favorite things...




::louis vuitton::
::ugg australia::
::armani exchange::
::h & m::
::banana republic::
::target::
PAMPER ME in this stressful world, i need relaxation. places i hibernate to and hide away from the world. here are some of my favorite spots.




::olympic spa::
::pho siam thai spa::
:: raya spa::
::japanese garden::
::redondo beach::

FREQUENTS embracing life in los angeles: a day in a life in my shoes



::monte carlo cafe::
::THE GROVE::
::coffee bean::
::barnes and noble::
::starbucks::

GOBBLE GOBBLE [L.A.STYLE] food over matter los angeles style =)




::todai::
::sanamluang::
::hodori::
::alcove::
::portos::
::mayflower::
::tommy's::
::roscoe's::
::philippes::
::thai bbq::
::the pantry::
::pinks::
::koji's::
::kabuki::

QUERRIES i don't know everything. so these are the sites i go to answer my inquisitive inquiries, obtain html coldes, and upload my pictures.




::google::
::yahoo::
::ask::
::photobucket::
::blogger::

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