Thursday, January 19, 2006
SPIRITUAL REVERIES: the real meI've lived a fruitful life one can never even imagine: I've stared at fear eye to eye and conquered it. I've witness trauma and faced death more than I can even handle it. I've experienced gazillion parties and all its negative aspects (alcohol, drugs, gangs, mafias, clicks, etc....)at a very young age to the point of its puking saturation. I've encountered the most chaotic and bloodiest battles in the world whether it is physical,mental and emotional.
I've had my share of downfalls and failures. I've loved with all my heart and soul..sometimes too much it has become destructive. and I have hurt people closed to my heart also.Ironically, I've also had my fragile heart broken so many times that I wondered how LOVE feels now.
See, I'm not the perfect person in the world. I'm bound to make errors and I have. But one thing I've learned about living life is to ask forgiveness for the mishaps you might have committed in the past. I've learned and embraced that there is a God who forgives and loves you anyway despite of your shortcomings.
There is no manual that can teach an individual about growing up wisely.My past taught me that. It has shaped me to be the person I am today: the one who is quite different from her shadow. I am the EQUATION of my past. My past, however, does not define me. Perhaps, that explains why I AM ME now: strong, fun and fearless female.
My parents have been extremely understanding for always putting up with my wild and crazy behaviors then. My siblings are very patient individualswho can handle me at my best and worst. My circle of friends are the most loyal and courageous group of people I know because they fought and stood up for me with every battle I faced. My cousins are my worst critics and the most reliable advisers. AB is one tough guy for putting up with this one "bitchy and moody" female who is an overachiever and meticulous about things. Only a calm man like this can make a lady with strong personality shut up like a tamed lion
On the contrary to my past, I am now blessed with so much more than I could ever ask for. I have excelled in school and thought that this is the greatest gift I can give my endearing folks. My parents definitely gave me my wings to fly again. I am almost in the epitomy of my ardeous goal. My profession allows me to share myself and my skill earned capabilities not only to heal and cure the sick mind and tired body but to also inspire the broken heart and uplift the weary souls, more like the "silent angel" I can be. My siblings, niece and nephew never failed to shed their unconditional love. My cousins, aunts and uncles are my rock. My friends and peers at church are my braved soldiers who clings to me and prays for me all the way.
In return, I vowed to reach out to as much people as I can. It can be thru serving a hot meal to starving guy at the local shelter. It can be simply giving a spare change to a homeless lady on the street. It can be educating the gunshot wounded young man about turning his life around. It can be holding a dying patient's hand until her last breath. It can be writing a simple "thank you" notes telling people you love how much you appreciate having them in your life. It can be teaching the little children the teachings of the bible. Or performing medical missions in your local poverty stricken areas of the city or poor countries like Mexico or Philippines.
Sometimes, it's also making chicken soup for the one you love and staying all night just to make sure he was okay. Maybe, telling an exboyfriend or fling that you forgave him for whatever reason he has hurt you and vice versa, asking for frogiveness.Reaching out maybe allowing your baby brother throw the biggest fun filled party willingly once in a while. Or hanging out with your older sister at the local mall for some shopping-bonding time. It can be calling your cousins on the cell just simply just to "listen." But perhaps the greatest is praying for them all for their safety and good health.
I may not be the greatest individual ever but I am learning to live my life now according to the Lord's purpose. I have a calling. I don't know what yet specifically. But I know, He will guide me. And I know no matter what mishaps I encounter in the near future, He will forgive me as long as I ask for consideration. I am me. These are the events that makes me human. But the greatest part about it is one can reverse all the negatives if one choses to. I am the living example. Learn from me.
{Lord, I know through you, I shall fear no evil for you are the "God who [never] fails to give us strenght in everything that we do." (Philippians 4:1-3) Use me in many ways I can inspire others. So when the time comes when we enter your gates and you asked us, "what have you done in earth my son/daughter for me to let you into my kingdom?" We can answer, "we've done everything according to you and your purpose." Forgive us our shortcomings and give us grace to share others your love and your teachings. We ask this in your name. Amen}
{once again, adapted from vince. it's meaningful. read on}
SPIRITUAL REVERIES: My Attorney
After living what I felt was a "decent" life, my time on earth came to the end. The first thing I remember is sitting on a bench in the waiting room of what I thought to be a court house. The doors opened and I was instructed to come in and have a seat by the defense table.
As I looked around I saw the "prosecutor." He was a villainous looking gent who snarled as he stared at me. He definitely was the most evil person I have ever seen. I sat down and looked to my left and there sat My Attorney, a kind and gentle looking man whose appearance seemed so familiar to me, I felt I knew Him.
The corner door flew open and there appeared the Judge in full flowing robes. He commanded an awesome presence as He moved across the room. I couldn't take my eyes off of Him. As He took His seat behind the bench, He said, "Let us begin."
The prosecutor rose and said, "My name is Satan and I am here to show you why this sinner belongs in hell." He proceeded to tell of lies that I told, things that I stole, and in the past when I cheated others. Satan told of other horrible perversions that were once in my life and the more he spoke, the further down in my seat I sank.
I was so embarrassed that I couldn't look at anyone, even my own Attorney, as the Devil told of sins that even I had completely forgotten about. As upset as I was at Satan for telling all these things about me, I was equally upset at My Attorney who sat there silently not offering any form of defense at all. I know I had been guilty of those things, but I had done some good in my life - couldn't that at least equal out part of the harm I'd done? Satan finished with a fury and said, "This sinner belongs in hell, and is guilty of all that I have charged and there is not a person who can prove otherwise."
When it was His turn, My Attorney first asked if He might approach the bench. The Judge allowed this over the strong objection of Satan, and beckoned Him to come forward. As He got up and started walking, I was able to see Him in His full splendor and majesty. I realized why He seemed so familiar; this was Jesus representing me, my Lord and my Savior.
He stopped at the bench and softly said to the Judge, "Hi, Dad," and then He turned to address the court. "Satan was correct in saying that this man had sinned, I won't deny any of these allegations.. And, yes, the wage of sin is death, and this sinner deserves to be punished." Jesus took a deep breath and turned to His Father with outstretched arms and proclaimed, "However, I died on the cross so that this person might have eternal life and he has accepted Me as his Savior, so he is Mine."
My Lord continued with, "His name is written in the book of life and no one can snatch him from Me. Satan still does not understand yet. This man is not to be given justice, but rather mercy." As Jesus sat down, He quietly paused, looked at His Father and said,"There is nothing else that needs to be done. I've done it all."
The Judge lifted His mighty hand and slammed the gavel down. The followingwords resounded from His lips... "This man is free. The penalty for him has already been paid in full. Case dismissed."
As my Lord embraced me and led me away, I could hear Satan ranting and raving, "I won't give up, I will win the next one."
I asked Jesus as He gave me my instructions where to go next, "Have you ever lost a case?" Christ lovingly smiled and said, "Everyone that has come to Me and asked Me to represent them has received the same verdict as you, "PAID IN FULL."
{note: this was adapted from vince' s blog. it was funny so i though it put it here. }
from a farm kidDear Ma and Pa:
I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before maybe all of the places are filled. I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay.Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc, but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much. We go on "route marches", which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. The country is nice but awful flat. The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Capt. is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none. This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it.You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes. Then we have what they call hand-to hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds, and he's 6'8" and weighs near 300 pounds dry. Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.
Your loving Daughter, Gail
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
i miss you
i was just thinking of you. i was hoping you'd call me on the cell. but i ignored my desires to even call you nor text you so at least you can miss me just a little bit. perhaps, you're even busy with your friends. you told me you guys were going to people's choice awards at shrine. i hope you're enjoying yourself but i really missed you. and i could not get you out of my thoughts.
and just when i decided to call a night and about to tuck myself into my bed....
i noticed my cell had missed calls.
1, 2, 3, 4 ,5 missed calls?
wonder who?
who?
woooohhhoooo?
woo hooo!!!!
of course, it was you (AB).
so i called you, "hello. this is norilen. did somebody called here? i'm just returning the call." pretending to be all serious and formal like we usually do.
you answered, "hello. this is AB. i just wanted to see you. can i go there now?
and i asked, "why?"
and you said, " please? just for a while and then i'll go home."
and i asked again, " why?"
and you replied, "just ...please? why not? why can't i spend time with you?"
"but why ngaaaa???," i asked.
"to be with you nga....okay, i'm going there now." you're makulit.
"wait....our house is a mess." i uttered.
[C-L-I-C-K] hungs up.
oh holy crap. you are going here. you were serious. i'm still eager to know why.
wait. do i miss you or you missed me?
[I SMILED]
you missed me. (that's hot! our inside joke!)
{why did i even asked?}
i'm waiting for you now. damn it.
{ smiles. i can't wait til i see you}
Monday, January 09, 2006
GIVE ME
1[NOTE:i found this from one of my guy's friend site(okay, i promised i will keep your name in private). he's serving some six months in iraq now and still uninformed when they will be coming back. so he writes this little musings on his site every now and then. but this one seemed to relay a lot of message.]
yo lord, give me 1.
1 second for my true son to come;
1 minute to love my girl;
1 hour to hate myself;
1 day to die;
1 life to fight all my haters;
1 love for all my niggz.
tha'z it, lord.
just give me 1.
fallen
on the was home from diane's house, this song by regine velasquez played over and over. and i missed AB: his untiring smiles, his captivating laughters, his unselfish heart. i'm dying to tell him what i feel. it's getting difficult to hide my feelings as each day approaches. so yet again, here's another "i'm-such-a-coward-i-SHOULD-tell-you-what-i-feel-about-you" love song lyrics meant for you. {*sigh* one of these days}
i've fallen for you
by jamie rivera
What is this i'm feelin'
I just can't explain
When you're near,
I'm not just the same.
I try to hide it,
Try not to show it.
It's crazy
It could'nt be
CHORUS
I've fallen for you
Finally, my heart gave in
And i'm fallen in love
I fin'lly know
How it feels
When you said hello,
I look in your eyes.
Suddenly, I felt good inside.
Is this really happ'nin?
Or am I just dreaming?
I guess, it's true.
I can't believe
I've fallen for you
Finally, my heart gave in.
And I'm fallen in love
I fin'lly know how it feels
So this is love..
Doesn't matter where I am,
Thoughts of you still linger in my mind
No matter what time of day
I've really, really
Fallen for you...
I've fallen for youFinally, my heart gave in.
And I'm fallen in love
I fin'lly know how it feels
So this is love..
Sunday, January 01, 2006
STANDING
10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 !!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR !!
varied shapes and colored fireworks lit the midnight skies as my brother long and his friend leo prepeared the fireworks. unle henry turned on the loud siren from his car. our family gathered (and stampede) infront of auntie vickie's to watch and witness the fireworks up in the sky and every direction possible. the children were given "legal" fireworks courtesy of me and ate bel. their faces furnished with excited and anxious smiles.
as one enter inside the house, already drunk adults who gulped the chivas regals even before midnight were handed red wine. the legal aged (and the "wanna be" legal - you will remain anonymous!)youths were also given vodka infested strawberry flavored margaritas. the kids also enjoyed their wine versioned sparkling ciders. all drinks elegantly poured on champagne glasses. we tossed and drank after the fireworks came off. even my little cousin annette, whose experiencing all this new and happy chaotic gathering for the first time as she just moved here from tennessee, claimed excitedly, "wow!!! this is the life!!!" and just like that, 2005 bid its final farewell.
but i will never forget 2005. he surely left his marks in my life this year. major decisions and changes were typical menu for me and my family this year. for instance, my family spent the holidays apart as we always spend it together as some of us are away from our dear lovedones. homesickness is not an easy thing to deal with. emails, texts and phonecards has been a factor to communicate efficiently. we're surviving. that's good for now.
personally for me, as normal as every one else, i have had my share of joys and tears this year.the heartbreaking revelation of han cheating on me at the start of the year tore me apart. but i forgave him and i decided we can now be friends. but the Lord has HIS own purpose. this year, i've discovered a wonderful person in AB, someone who has been my "unnoticeable" friend for years, and now, i'm slowly falling into ( he does not know yet, i think).it's hard to tell your best friend you secretly loved hima ll these months. we will get there. there's a proper time for everything. let's enjoy the moment.healthwise, except for the inevitablebroken foot, swollen muscles and nerves and the well media coveraged flu, i am okay for this year.
financially, i am reaping the earnings of my hardwork courtesy of the many double 12 hour shifts i pulled from work this year. i am blessed more than i an can ask for. spiritually, i renewed my faith to the Lord Jesus this year as an obedient disciple serving HIM at church and serving others, and inspiring the young ones to do the same.workwise, my work allowed me to expand my covenant with the Lord to serve and to enhance myself as a human with heart in general as i witness the greatest gift the Lord can give us: LIFE at its worst and best (from birth of a child, to the healing of the sick, to death). everything this year has been a learning lesson. perhaps, i could not ask for more.
well, as they say, "what does not kill you only makes you stronger." and truly, i was dignified with the renewed spirit and strenght this past year. my exboyfriend, ron, once told me, "only the strong survives in this f*cked up world. so fight like it's your last battle." what can i say? i fight like a lion and thank GOd, i'm still standing here.
life will always be unpredictable. 2006 will have its own ups and downs and that goes for the new year also. i will be tested again. i will cry in tears. i will accomplish something again. i will take risks and make difficult decisions again. i will be tempted. i will rejoice in laughters. i will share many more speial moments. but one thing is for sure....with God as my Saviour, i will STILL be standing here.
Happy New Year!
