Tuesday, August 27, 2002
eagle
i read this from an article today.
" life...is like being an eagle. you need to learn how to fly. pehaps, fall once or twice or even more...but then you get up, soar back up and fly again..."
based on that anecdote, the past few days have been scarcely harsh to me. i can say those were the days when i just fell...on the ground. i fell because my wings were not brave enough to fight through the strong winds that kept pushing me in downward direction---or perhaps, it was the people who rejoices each time i fall or each time i am hurt. and my fault is because i let them.
well, i am learning how to fly again. i am learning how to brave these strong breeze. i am learning to fight back and proving these people wrong. that I AM AN EAGLE in my own way. one day, i will spread my long wings and they will see how much i had grown. they will notice that their criticisms build my courage to fly....fly higher.
and yes, there will be times when i will fall again. but rest assured that with every fall i take, a stronger
me will arise, a new found strength will evolve, a fierce and feisty
len will fight you to the end.
so for all the haters, watch out.
this eagle is on her way.
Monday, August 19, 2002
i just noticed i post so much drama here.
so i guess, this entry will serve as a little relief.
note: this is solely for humor and it is not meant to offend anyone of their color. please also take in regard that the two people involved in this conversation came from the particular races they were "making 'humor' of.
collaboration of two races
len: hey boy, what is it with koreans? they're so stuck with their own people? i have korean friends and all but they're the ones who are open minded.
ron: hey, excuse you. what is it with filipinos? they are so uncivilized. they eat with their hands and all. that's so unsanitary. at least koreans are more educated and intelligent.
len: educated? excuse you? did i just hear you say educated? at least, we, filipinos, speak and understand english. your people, even if they lived here in america for thousands of years, they still hang on to their language and not adopt to the culture here.
ron: because we are proud of our culture, we do not need to make changes.
len: oh hell no. not if you are in america. and please, we eat with our hands sometimes, but damn, we wash our hands, too , you know. there is such thing as "water" in the philippines. at least, we do not eat that stinky and spicy "kimchi." i don't even knwo how you eat that thing with every meal.
ron: i don't care. filipinos, they eat with their hands. and those other filipinos that i knew who just came from the philippines, they do nto understand a thing i say, okay.... [ i react] wait...i'm not done yet. ....[roll my eyes] that's it. no more argument. i won.
len : oh hell no.
ron: uh-uh. shut it, baby.
[we laughed]
len: it's funny how we make fun of our own race and yet, i hang around with koreans and you with filipinos.
ron: because filipinos are real that's why.
len: what? you were just making fun of us. infairness though, you love our food.
ron: and you want to be like us.
len: eww. that's it. end of these~!
[side note: for your information: len is filipino while ron is korean. len has majority korean friends. ron has majority filipino friends.]
i swear, we are such a weird couple.
Wednesday, August 14, 2002
how many more times will i numb the hurt?
just....
how many more times will i ignore the pain i feel?
most of the time, i can.
last night, i told him to leave...
just... so... i can breath.
Wednesday, August 07, 2002
magic
i liked him a lot. i really did. he was wonderful in every way possible. i was not ready for a relationship then. i was torn apart from a previous relationship. i could not love the way i can. i was not ready for another heartbreak. he, my friend, was not prepared this unexpected feelings either. he, like me, was scared. but he felt that if he did not say anything, and took that chance to tell me what he felt, he might lose me.
a year ago, a very good friend of mine, stuttered as he said,
"i love you" to me for the first time. he said i gave him hope and i inspire him in so many ways he could not explain. he said he gets his hope and strength from me. he mentioned i was
"a precious jewel every hunter wants to find."
in short, for two souls who were not ready to commit or to love, the magic called love took place. from friendship, a love bloomed, a love that is , until this very day, is constantly surviving every battle as it comes its way. i did not believe in destiny or fate. so did he. but fate and destiny made us believe in them . we are now a product of it.
that friend was ron.
and today is our one year anniversary.
i always say
" love comes at the least moment we expect it." all along, my prince ( my peasant, rather) was there. and yet, i was too hurt to see it. i have my knight and shining armor, reayd to defend me in any battle of life and love. he calls me , "my highness " or "his princess. this is our story.
believe in love. there is magic. there will be someone who will make your life sparkle.
to me , that someone is ron.
ron, i love you, 'be. happy one year anniversary.
Thursday, August 01, 2002
missing him
yesterday, i cried to ron. like the other times, it's for the same reason: i love him so much it hurts. i wish i can tell you what's going between us. but i can't. i must keep that to myself and to the peopel close to ron. it's just difficult beng away from the one you love when yopu are used to having them around everyday. funny how my mother is being so lenient with my relationship with him.
i learned to disregard and cover my ears whenever loc or my other friends discourage me of pursuing my relationship. but people who are dear and close to me advised me to "hang on" just like said. it's just everything right now is "on hold" until ron gets back. and i can't wait for that moment.
ron has been depressed the last few days. and i am, too.
i cried to him because i mised him. and we argued about something so silly. ron made me talk to hjis friend because he could nto hold his tears. i talked to steff for what it seemed like hours. he guaranteed ron loves me...and he, like me, never stopped loving me. it's just....he's away right now. he said that i inspire ron...and i give him hope and i make him smile and laugh. and though, hsteff uttered, that ron acts "too macho" or "too ghetto" professing his love for me, he is crazy about me because it's ALWAYS me he talks about.
i cried even more.
not because i am hurt...but because....i terribly missed him.
ahh....
we'll get through this, baby, we'll get through this....i am not going anywhere.
birthday escapades
i wanted to talk about my birthday. but there were too many places and escapades to discuss. and plus, i didn't want to blab too much. so here, i ' ll just post the places and write briefly about what i did [perhaps, i can link you to the places i went to].
july 27, 2002, saturday
*justin's baptism ( my godson)
* reception at newtown buffet at
burbank, california
[i saw old friends from all the way in high school. it's funny how it was so much like high school reunion. ]
then with charm....
*shop at
beverly center in beverly hills
[charm paid for everything i shoppedm she even wouldn't let me take out a single dollar on my wallet. thanks, charm]
* toni roma's restaurant, beverly hills, ca.
[charm insisted that we had dinner here. then i found out that my other friends were there waiting for me. apparently, they all pitched in for the dinner. again, i didn't spend a single cent.]
after the dinner...
* headed to redondo beach at this asian club named "chiller's."
[my friend from DMK productions hooked us all up with free drinks all night looooong. as you can imagine, i was drunk. i couldn't even drive home.]
july 28, 2002 sunday
mickey and sheila planned this trip. so we went
here
*at santa barbara
we shopped at * el paseo and had lunch there.
then invaded the cabrillo beach at
carpinteria state beach in
carpinteria
oh yeah, i did....SURFING AND GLIDING!!!! my body hurts.
july 29, 2002
my birthday, monday
@ 2 am: i saw loc at the hospital. i had a fight with my sis and loc calmed me down. thank you loc!
@ 5 am: a surprise happy birthday was given to me. my phone kept ringing perhaps, a gazillion times!!!! all of ron's friends i mean, ALLLL
were calling to say happy birthday to me because "ron said."
@6 amL i was thirsty, i went and got water. as i opened the fridge, there was a birthday cake there. awww. from my sister.
@ 12 pm: my brothers and my cousins invaded my room and filled me with gifts...i mwan tons of them! mom and pops gave me $$$$ hehhe.
@ 8 pm: my bestfriends charm and dianne showed with their kids and it was a quite dinner with my close friends and family. we karaoke'd the night away!!!!!
@ 2 am THE NEXT DAY: ron called to say he loved me and happy birthday.
AWww...
truthfully....
i had an awesome day.
thank you for all the peeps who made me special.
me love ya'll.
