Friday, November 19, 2004
BA'T DI MO KAYA? [WHY CAN'T YOU DO IT?]
HAN and LEN is NOW OVER, why?
CLICK HERE.
so for the cad who broke my heart again...this one's for you.
BA'T DI MO NA KAYA
composed by Jungee Marcelo
sang by Divo Bayer
from the album SOLO and A BETTER MAN
Ang sabi mo noon di ka na magbabago [you told me before, you'll never change]
mundo'y gumuho ng iniwan mo ako [ my world crashed when you left]
lahat ng hirap ay tiniis para sa'yo [all the sufferring i endured it all for you]
puso'y nagtatanong [ my heart is now asking]
isip ko'y litung-lito [ my mind's still confused]
ba't di mo na kaya [why can't you do it?]
ba't di mo na pinaglaban ang pag-ibig mo [why can't you fight for the love you feel?]
mahal ako'y nagtatampo sa'yo [ my love, i am a holding a grunge against you]
hanggang dito nalang talaga, [is this really it?]
paalam na.[ then good bye]
'di maintindihan [i could not understand]
ang bigla mong paglayo [ why you have to leave suddenly]
may pagkukulang ba [did i have any shortcomings}
ang pag-ibig ko sa'yo [of the love i feel for you]
ba't di mo na kaya SAME AS PHRASE 11
ba't di mo na pinaglaban ang pag-ibig mo
mahal ako'y nagtatampo sa'yo
hanggang dito nalang, tlaga...
sayang naman ang pagibig na dati kay ganda [ wasted are the times that were beautiful]
iniwan mo na sinta[you left is all, my love]
ba't di mo na kaya same as phrase 11.
ba't di mo na pinaglaban ang pag-ibig mo
mahal ako'y nagtatampo sa'yo
hanggang dito nalang tlaga,
paalam na.
Sunday, November 14, 2004
U N E X P E C T E D
"i 'm flying there. i want to be away from LA," i informed han.
"when?," he asked confusedly with a sound of a little giggle.
"this friday after work, i just need to purchase ticket online, " i answered firmly.
" why? what's wrong over there?i can't be with you this weekend, honey. i have a conference this weekend. but we'll see. it's just i might not be able to spend time with you, that's all ." he answered. but he giggled again.
hysterically upset and mad, "
fine, do not talk to me, okay? you are the only person who i thought understands me especially when i am in my worse and now, you do not even want to see me now that i am offering to go visit you there ? fine...go to your stupid conference...if you even have one or you were just lying to me. so, buh-bye. i'll just go to sleep," i hung up the phone on han.
i had a difficult day. i just wanted to be away. i just wanted to be freed from my sadness here. call me selfish but i just wanted a breath of fresh air away from the west coast. it's hard to talk about it because only han knows what i am going through. and i felt confortable talking to him about my problems. and now that i needed to just be with him, the person i knwo who will be there. but now, it seems liek he has no time for me.
all these contemplation is going on in my head and i left the house and drove away with my car. i was upset. i just wanted to calm down. it was not just what han said. it was everything else. all the emotions that was not said. it was too much. i drove and i drove around just to clear my head.
my cell phone rang again. it was han. he giggles as he is trying to explain his side but along with it, he was giggling. it irritated me even more. but i let him speak to me. " honey, i know you are upset. i did not want to tell you this but...i had to. well, the reason why i am holding my laughter is because...i am packing my bags...."
why?," i asked again.
"i am packing because i am going home to you.," he said.
going home to me? i asked myself. to me? here in LA? i asked myself over again.
"why?," i asked again, this time, confused.
my mom and my dad needs me there right now. and besides, i want to be with you, too. it's hard being away from everyone...from you. i have to go back especially these holidays. i wanted to be near you," he explained.
"why?," i asked again.
"i explain myself and you bust out with five questions and it's all 'why?'.," he laughed.
"but i wanted to surprise you, honey. i was just going to fly there and surprise and tell you i am going to stay there with you for good. or at least, for the time being. i did nto mean to upset you. so i will see on saturday okay? i'll be there soon. okay? he replied sweetly.
"what if i don't want to see you since i am upset.," i asked jokingly.
"well, that's easy, i'll just make sure that i'll get an accident in front of your hospital. i will make sure i will get surgery. so i know for sure that i will end up in your floor [i work in a medical surgical floor] and i will request to have you as my private nurse and i will pay you at all cost. besides, i know you can not resist me if i really got into an accident, " he replied confidently.
"good answer. i'll give you a cookie for that. so i will see you sunday okay? " i eagerly hung up the phone. do i have a great guy or what? it's too good to be true. and i smiled. my first real geniune smile in what seemed like thousand years.
i don't know how the Lord works in wonders i can not even explain. in my past musings in this blog and recent conversations with my friends, i told them that i wanted han back. when i woke up this morning, han called me from their home phone in long beach but i was still asleep. in couple of hours, i will see him after four long months of being away from him. am i awake? i feel like i am dreaming. in the hours of my life that i feel so alone, the Lord might have thought that i needed han next to me so now, he told his angels to bring back han to me. maybe, the Lord figured, i need a smile. well. Lord, i am smiling. thank you for my unexpected gift.
[thank you, Lord for reminding me that in my hours of loneliness and solitude, You are listening to my cries, woes and requests. thank you for providing me the angels who guides me in my times of confusion and anger. ]
=) smile =)
[there has been unexpected negative events in my life lately concerning my lovedones, peopje i hold dear to my heart. i hungered to wrtie about thse occurences but i wanted to leave the animosity in respect of these people that are involved. besides, eventhough i thirst to write, i just could not put to words the emotions that i feel. perhaps, because it's too much or perhaps, because, there is so much emotions attached. so, i am leaving these stories unsaid just because my blog is not the right place to tell it. maybe when time heals the damage...or when time heals the emotions connected then i will. for now, it is best that these events in my life remained untold. but for the past weeks and days i have been dealign with my rolercoaster emotions, i have been humming one song in particular. it's not much but it is helping me cope up with my melancholic encounters. }
Smile
First recorded by Nat King Cole in 1955
Later recorded by Natalie Cole in the 1991 album, Unforgettable With Love
Lyrics by John Turner and Geoffrey Parsons
Music written by Charlie Chaplin for his 1936 silent movie classic, Modern Times
Smile though your heart is aching;
Smile even though it's breaking.
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by.
If you smile through your fear and sorrow,
Smile and maybe tomorrow,
You'll see the sun come shining through for you.
Light up your face with gladness,
Hide every trace of sadness.
Although a tear may be ever so near,
That's the time you must keep on trying,
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile,
If you just smile.
Instrumental Interlude
That's the time
you must keep on trying,
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile
