posted by pinay freestyle @ 7:25 PM
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Monday, April 26, 2004
glenn, my ex, called me the other week and we talked ot each other almost every day. it's weird talkin to your ex like a friend. before, i ised to tell him everyhting. now, i am so hesitam
Tuesday, April 13, 2004
i'm gasping for air. the mood has been plaintively somber. one by one, i desired to spill this unexplainable gloom in my heart. the dismals are overwhelming. the tedious dumps of my life are drowning me. alive.
i feel like a sinking ship.
i am like a soldier unarmed.
i am pen without an ink.
i am like a coloreless rainbow.
how do i define it? unhappy? heavyhearted? dispirited? drearing querries envelopes me in a seal tight bottle and i am just suffocating. huffing to breath spasmodically. i thirst for ventilation.
i feel like a sinking ship.
i am like a soldier unarmed.
i am pen without an ink.
i am like a coloreless rainbow.
how do i define it? unhappy? heavyhearted? dispirited? drearing querries envelopes me in a seal tight bottle and i am just suffocating. huffing to breath spasmodically. i thirst for ventilation.
posted by pinay freestyle @ 9:29 PM
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Saturday, April 03, 2004
marry me
diane, one of my best girl pals, just got married to lorenz just last saturday.
maya said she might be pregnant. so marriage with mr. avila are in the talks.
i saw sheila when she stopped by at work just the other day. i just noticed a diamond and a wedding ring on her finger. "i'm married, " she stated, "to abel ( her bf of one year)."
grace married bong in june 2003 and is now 6 months pregnant.
merryl got married one month after grace did. both are my gal pals in high school.
mickey, my guy pal, married lani because the baby os on the way last year.
charm married shane last two years when they went hoem to the philippined for vacation.
ate jenni ( mny coworker) married her husband last year in las vegas.
maff... was once married to....never mind his name. NOT ANYMORE!
for the past few days, everyone is getting married. and as usual, i am always the bride's maid never the bride. either that or the discussions are about getting married and married life. and don't get me wrong. i am happy for these people. i am glad they have found forever and love in each other presence.
it's just...i feel left out.
i don't know what to say. when i watched diane get married this weekend, it has hit me. when i listened to how lorenz talked about how it was love at first sight for him and how he courted diane every singe day for 6 months and how after 6 months into the relationship, he knew it was diane for him, i pitied myself.
the decisions i made in my past relationships lingered again. why i let the men go? was it a mistake? was it meant to be? was it the best decision for me or for both of us? will i be happy had i go through with it? am i happy now?...
am i?
all these lingerings in my head over and over. it's rewinding unstoppable. and i began to hurt. for instance, memories of glenn proposing to me to marry him came back. the ring he used to propose to me is now own by a different woman in his life. another instance is when mrs. park (ron's mom) told me recently that when ron and her talked about me before, ron said he will marry this woman ( reffering to me) whose "just like his mother, a nurse." then when jason told me when we were in las vegas that "we can do anything, we can get married an no one will ever know. whatever we do in vegas, stay in vegas."
i wondered how it will be like.
at the mall, i felt out of place. i watched as the couples walked hand in hand . i looked at the floor. at work, i met the patient in room 52. and she's been there 2 months because of the complications in surgery and her husband stays with her every single day makign sure she's well. at home, i observe papa take mom to her car and opens her car door and kisses her goodbye every single time she goes to work at night.
then i dreamed.
when will he come? he...the man meant for me. yeah, he, the one i dreamed to have long strolls with, the one who like the patient's husband, stays every night to take care of his wife, the one, who like my dad, will open my door and walk me to the car every time.
sigh.
the Lord has something plan for me. so once again...
*sigh*
once again, my Lord, i will wait.
diane, one of my best girl pals, just got married to lorenz just last saturday.
maya said she might be pregnant. so marriage with mr. avila are in the talks.
i saw sheila when she stopped by at work just the other day. i just noticed a diamond and a wedding ring on her finger. "i'm married, " she stated, "to abel ( her bf of one year)."
grace married bong in june 2003 and is now 6 months pregnant.
merryl got married one month after grace did. both are my gal pals in high school.
mickey, my guy pal, married lani because the baby os on the way last year.
charm married shane last two years when they went hoem to the philippined for vacation.
ate jenni ( mny coworker) married her husband last year in las vegas.
maff... was once married to....never mind his name. NOT ANYMORE!
for the past few days, everyone is getting married. and as usual, i am always the bride's maid never the bride. either that or the discussions are about getting married and married life. and don't get me wrong. i am happy for these people. i am glad they have found forever and love in each other presence.
it's just...i feel left out.
i don't know what to say. when i watched diane get married this weekend, it has hit me. when i listened to how lorenz talked about how it was love at first sight for him and how he courted diane every singe day for 6 months and how after 6 months into the relationship, he knew it was diane for him, i pitied myself.
the decisions i made in my past relationships lingered again. why i let the men go? was it a mistake? was it meant to be? was it the best decision for me or for both of us? will i be happy had i go through with it? am i happy now?...
am i?
all these lingerings in my head over and over. it's rewinding unstoppable. and i began to hurt. for instance, memories of glenn proposing to me to marry him came back. the ring he used to propose to me is now own by a different woman in his life. another instance is when mrs. park (ron's mom) told me recently that when ron and her talked about me before, ron said he will marry this woman ( reffering to me) whose "just like his mother, a nurse." then when jason told me when we were in las vegas that "we can do anything, we can get married an no one will ever know. whatever we do in vegas, stay in vegas."
i wondered how it will be like.
at the mall, i felt out of place. i watched as the couples walked hand in hand . i looked at the floor. at work, i met the patient in room 52. and she's been there 2 months because of the complications in surgery and her husband stays with her every single day makign sure she's well. at home, i observe papa take mom to her car and opens her car door and kisses her goodbye every single time she goes to work at night.
then i dreamed.
when will he come? he...the man meant for me. yeah, he, the one i dreamed to have long strolls with, the one who like the patient's husband, stays every night to take care of his wife, the one, who like my dad, will open my door and walk me to the car every time.
sigh.
the Lord has something plan for me. so once again...
*sigh*
once again, my Lord, i will wait.
posted by pinay freestyle @ 2:02 AM
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