+++ MY SILENT REVERIES +++

thanks for breaking my heart again, ron.

or

was it my fault?

i allowed you to break my heart.

farewell, my peasant.

just let me cry for the last time.

10/23/2002

To the person I love,

Love is taken for granted many times in our lives
whether it be that love of a family, friend, or a lover.
The saddest part is that this love goes unrealized,
not fully understood, and not appreciated.
Why can’t they see that this love comes naturally?
No amount of reasons can measure if it’s real.
Only the person loving can show the depth,
the meaning,
the strength.
But that is only possible when the person who is loved can love back.
Maybe not in the same length
nor perhaps to the same degree.
But LOVE nonetheless.
Although LOVE can be everything,
some times, it is not always enough.
Some times, one chooses to sacrifice happiness for love.
But there are times when one must sacrifice love for happiness.
Sometimes, LOVE means not loving too much,
or loving enough to let go
for the betterment of the other person.
Whether LOVE lasts
or LOVE is lost,
It is LOVE nevertheless.

You may not love me in any way.
You may not fully comprehend
what and how I feel for you
Yet,
I LOVE
nonetheless

From the one you always called “crazy.”

my "mahal" [ron] [mahal is love in tagalog] is finally "home." yet, again, we survived another gruesome battle in love: one of the hardest i have encountered so far. it felt strange to talk to him " normally." before, all i looked forward to was his phone calls since he was "unreachable" ... somewhat "far away."

and now, he's within reach.

it's so different having you here, boy. before, all i thought about is your "homecoming." and now that you are here, i am speechless. i guess, that is my way of expressing how happy i am. it's strange how i prefer to be silent and yet, i feel giddy inside. i love that you are here and yet, i am scared because of the decisions we made ahead.

i want you...to be what you were. and i feel deeply that you feel the same way. and yet, we kept holding back. why? you said because we have dreams to achieve...especially you...but you don't want me to leave either. i am confused. but i know for sure i remained in love...with you.

i miss you so much, beb...

i wish we can start a new............

little things that matters

on the phone with ron....

len: hey boy, got to go, have to eat dinner.

ron: eat dinner? first time i heard you say that.

len: my dad prepared dinner for me. i have to eat it.

ron: okay, go eat. shit, if i prepared dinner, you better eat it.

len: since when did you prepare dinner? what can you cook?

ron: rice. i make rice, you know. and shit, i always prepare the table for you.

len: that's it? rice? prepare the table? i'm suppose to feel special? wow!!!?

ron: shit, you better be thankful. i hardly do that for anyone. besides, it's the thought that counts. only you and my mom gets that treatment. i know it's not much. but hey girl, little things like these matters, you know.

i smiled.

i kept my comments to myself. i decided not to disagree. besides, he does prepare the table AND clean up for us, too..meaning: he washes the dishes after we eat. can i ask for more?

i realized...this is why i can't let go of this guy. really, i love this guy. if he only knew how much.

i miss ron..

rrrrrrrrrrr

i miss ron.