Dear HABIBI, Allan Lloyd ko ,"TOL,"

You came into my life when I lost everything.
You came when I wasn't ready to love.
Funny, you're birthday comes a day after I lost my son.

As kids, we bonded as rival playmates.
You were shy and I was the loud one.
In Catholic grade school at Saint Mary's,
we competed in academically in class.
I was annoyed of you because you think you're all that.
And make it all worse, you were my best friend Sharon and Joan's neighbor.
So it's not like I can avoid your face.
In high school still at Saint Mary's,
I thought you were one of the most cocky person.
Yes, you were good looking and witty,
But that seems to have gotten in your head that you're such an airhead.
And every time you busted out with your corny flirty pick up lines,
I would always find a sarcastic comeback to outsmart you.
And how unlucky I am, I had to be seated next to you that whole year!
Copying from test exams, copy my assignments and getting a higher score than I bugged me even more.

I left for the States for good.
I would go home and I would just see you.
In the latter years, I never heard of you.
And I never saw you again until about three years ago.
Things have changed.
Your life has drastically changed.
And mines too.
You were mesmerized that the tomboy you teased for all of our life has now turned into a swan:)
And You, the secret crush of mine, is telling me this.
And I heard you tell your Mom that if I didn't leave Philippines then,
It would have been us.
We would have been together as a couple.
Because no matter how much we hated each other,
We were naturally drawn to each other.
We were best of friends first.

And two decades after,
God led us to each other.
At the time we were both going through life's crisis.
At the time we felt so hopeless.
At the time we thought we were irrelevant.
At the lowest point of our lives.
At the weakest times of our days.
And oddly, we found strength in each other.

I have gotten close to your family both here in the States and there in Philippines.
Though you're based in Middle East now, you found ways to make this work.
Even effortly assisting and visiting mom when they are home in the Philippines.
And my super strict  parents really like you if she offered you to stay at home during your lengthy drive to see them.
And I felt glad that they are amused by you.

I am not the type to say I love you.
I'm not even the type to display public display of affection.
I'm always on my cool and easy going composure.
Then there's you were.
My exact opposite.
I don't know when and how.
But I did.
I fell inlove with without even realizing it.

It has been two years with you.
It has been highs and lows.
And right now, we're going through another low.
And I've informed you to just give up on me
because there are more important people who needs you more than I do.
And you refused.
You didn't want to.
And I insisted.
Hurting and I'm trying to push you away.

Now in silence,
This song was the only song I can post on my FB and yours.

IN aNOTHER LIFEtime CLICK HERE to LISTEN to listen

posted by pinay freestyle @ 12:41 PM [[ 0 comments ]]

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You're in honor roll all of your life.
Some people had tutors to teach them.
But being a product of an OFW (overseas Filipino worker) mom whose a nurse in Saudi Arabia then to US, you had to make the best out of it.
I was Papa's girl in every sense of the word.
My mom worked abroad  during my forming years.
At 12 years old, I left Philippines.
Because my mom worked as a nurse here in U.S.A.
That was hard.
Because I never really had a mother.
But she left us to provide for us.
It took me awhile to think and accept that.
Raised by nannies and maids, I had to grown up at an early age.
At 10 or 11, I handled all of our family's expenses.
Mom was a nurse abroad.
Papa was a businessman.
My older sister Bel who I'm 7 years apart was in college.
I had to be the strong one.
I had to be a mother-sister-friend-nurturer for my Papa and my siblings.
At 9 or 10, I had to become like an adult.
Not by choice but my circumstances.
I would study.
I would get good grades.
My cousins had the Ricky-rich lifestyles.
My cousins had tutors to sharpen their knowledge.
I had to be there for my Papa and my siblings.
I did the best I could.
I was a consistent honor roll,
Because I had to.
Because that's the only thing I can give my Mama for her hardwork.
I never wanted to leave Philippines.
But Mama said America is the land of honey and grass.
Truly, America taught me a lesson.
It paved my way to grow up, to work hard, to achieve.
I paid my college dues.
I was a Dean and President lister consistently.
I was a recipient of awards and scholarship.
I worked my way up to be recognized.
It was never an easy journey.
I am challenged and judged every day.
I have not quite made it.
I'm still under construction,
But help me, God.
I know He has wonderful plans for me.
And I believe.
I persevere.
So help me, God.

posted by pinay freestyle @ 8:52 PM [[ 0 comments ]]

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Dear Tianshi,

It's All Soul's Day.
And this is the time Filipinos remembers their loved ones who passed away.
In Spanish countries, it's also called Dia de Los Muertos or Day of the Dead.
Of course, you are in my thoughts.
Not just because it's All Soul's Day.
But every second of my life that is left.
If it was up to me, you will be alive here.
But I can't question God for taking you back.
It hurts me.
It still painful.
I still cry a lot.
Couple days ago, it has been twenty nine months.
It rained too.
And I found myself in tears again.
And the pain multiplies again.
But I have no choice but to take it all in
I have to accept the grief that you are now in heaven.
I have to convince myself that I should stop mourning.
Because you are with Our Father Lord and Savior in heaven.
I know you're always looking after me.
Sometimes, I feel your presence.
I know you are always with me.
But I miss you.
There was no day that I thought of you.
There was no day that I didn't thought of your soul.
Someday, Tianshi, I'll get to hold you again.
For now, though it still aches, I would have to be contented you're safe wherever you may be.
I love you, my Tianshi.
Until we meet again.


Love,
Mama Len

posted by pinay freestyle @ 2:47 AM [[ 0 comments ]]

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