Dear Dimsum, We crossed paths again. We're talking again. It's nice to hear your voice and to know what's going with your life. It's been a while you know. Almost seven long months to be exact. A lot has changed. We have lived our separate lives. We have left each other in silence. We have given each other adequate space. After the loss of our angel. My ex (who used me like he said to you) has been spreading rumors about me and about my past history with him. I have turned my back on him. The last time I saw him was 07-07-07. Perhaps, he was partially right. He might have used me and I am stupid for letting him do so. If he claimed we weren't together, that's on him. I've got handwritten letters to prove. I don't need anything. Perhaps, you can talk to his mom Agatha. She'll tell you our story.I don't have to explain my past. God knows what I did to love him. My judgement is with God. And now,US: not the US together as a couple but the US as two separate persons with individual lives. There was a lot of untold stories. There were anger kept inside. There were questions waiting to be answered. There were so many "why's?" I yearned for the answers. I never got it. Some of it, you somehow told me. I don't think I'll ever know. But you know, I will just be grateful for this particular moment given to us by God to be cordial and civilized to each other. There were so much angst and pain before. The fact that we are talking and we are getting along for the sake of our angel's memory, I am thankful. It would have been what our angel wanted: just for us to be at peace with each other. And yet, I still care for you. I am concerned for you. When you told me that girl hurt you and played you like a fool, I pitied you. Because I know what it was like to be hurt, used and left by someone I loved like you did to me. But you know, I had to pick the broken pieces of myself and put myself back together. On my own. By myself. It was the saddest feeling ever. I was torn and shattered. But I had to live no matter how dead I felt inside. Then as I listened to your story, I felt sorry. Because I care for you enough that you are the father of my son who is now in heaven. If you felt like no one was there, I wanted to be the person you can lean on or just try anyway because I didn't want you to go through what I've been through. Not because I wanted the past back nor do I want to rewind our history but it is because that's the human soul's call to help. And I wanted to I'm reaching out. Slowly and carefully calculating my moves. I'm not sure if that's the best move. But it's a step to bridge our gap and let go of the pain and the wounds of our pasts. I wanted to just forgive (which I've done a long time ago) and forget. And to be anger free and pain free. And to accept you in my life as a friend. At least, we'll start there again just like last time. I'm not sure where this is going. One day, you'll cross path into this blog again. And you will read this. And I meant everything I said. Weirdly, i am thinking of you. and I am missing you. But most of all, I miss our angel. Maybe our angel led us together. Maybe this was his way of reuniting us. So, we'll just let it be. I'll let nature and our angel take us to where it wants to take us. Are we friends? I don't know. I'm humbled by this moment. I have nothing but heartfelt thanks for the chance to even just talk to you peacefully. And we'll start there. Let's start there. God bless you. I'm just here when you need me. And as always, I'll see you and my angel in my dreams. Love, "Princess"

posted by pinay freestyle @ 12:48 AM [[ 0 comments ]]

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