Sunday, December 29, 2002


there has been silence in my life. some, i kept. some, i shared. but i just needed a break. the past few months i was bombarded with tremendous trials and challenges. i talked about the stresses at school, at work, and family. but what has hit me the most this year was ron.

"why ron?," you may asked.

i felt cheated the second time around. yes, he was another man in my life. perhaps, just another boyfriend. but he was more than a boyfriend. he was supposed to be my partner, listener, comforter, my knight, my "peasant" , and my bestfriend. when he decided to ignore me and use "silence" as a tool to avoid me, i was crushed because he was a huge part of me. more than anything else, he was special because he taught me how to love again, not once but twice.

but so he left.

. maybe some things still breaks me apart. truth is, ron's memories still tears me into bits and pieces. and i wish we can become good friends. according to his mom ( we talked, by the way), he is doing extremely good. and i am happy that he fulfilled his promises to change for the better. and because i once loved this guy so much, i am glad for him. no, let me repgrase that----i am happy that he is happy even if letting him go was the most difficult thing to do.

i dealt with the pain with so much tears. but the only constant thing in life is change. and so must accept it with a big embrace. now, i face this new journey with my chin up. i fell but now, i am up on my feet. i am almost done with school. in six months, i am done in my chosen career ( fingers crossed!). once again, i devoted myself to work ...i think more than i can handle. buit i worked anyway. i went on a short break to las vegas recently. las vegas is my "get-away-from everything" place. there, i forgave. there, i tried to find ME again. there, i brought back the spontaneous, the funny, the wacky len alive again.

now, i am back. perhaps, more rejuvenated than ever.

sometime ago, i said, "at the end of the rain and the storm, there is a rainbow and the sun will shine."yesterday will be another chapter i will recall sometime someday. i must now face tomorrow again. we pay no fee for each new day. today is impregnated with tomorrow. i am not dropping the curtain.

in two more days, another year will greet us. i anticipate its upcoming. i am sure it will bring me lots of surprises. i look forward to it. i will welcome it with a big smile. yet whatever tribulations i will endure this new year, one thing is for sure. i am ready for it. so bring it on.

one thing i learned through these all is that, there is a magic in believing. that sometimes life become inevitable with its unpreditability, and yet, the sun shines, the river flows, the bird flies. that's what's keeping me hope. life, in its entirety, with its ips and downs, there is hope.

TITLE:"hope-a-holic"
(title adopted from dr. robert h. schuller)


Thursday, December 05, 2002
i'm not over him.

i miss him...

gosh, how much i miss him.

i wonder if he ever thinks of me?

MY SILENT REVERIES
writing is my passion. i created silent reveries years ago to vent out things i could not tell the world. it was my private, modern tech approach to scribbling my thoughts and emotions in a journal. in here, i can feely be who i am. i could cry my woes, i can love freely, i can grieve over a broken heart, i can celebrate the joys in my heart, i can rejoice with my accomplishments, i can tell stories of remarkable friendships and unforgettable connections i made with extraordinary people SECRETLY AND SILENTLY without worrying people might judge me. i hid under the name PINAY FREESTYLE.

but eventually, some people gained access to my secret place. so i opened my doors to them in the purpose that i could inspire them: to be better versions of themselves and to share themselves to the world. slowly, i embraced my readers as a part of my life. i welcomed the strange idea that my untold life stories and unconcealed revelations could be of help to others, to love and accept themselves as they are. and i, i came out from the animosity. i eventually became just the regular LEN - the nickname my family & friends call me.

i developed stories of love, of letting go, of falling in love all over again. i made great friendships. but if there's one thing i was particularly proud of, it was my undenying love for the LORD. i wrote and made soul searching, heart wrenching entries i entitled, "SPIRITUAL REVERIES" which you will find many here. it was my productive way to heal myself from twinge and while i am at it, i could also mend others spirits along the way and bring them back up to par with their faith and relationships with God. it has not stop there. it's still a constant journey.

and so, for as long as i can, i vowed to tell my memorable reflections,i have unmasked the hidden me. and the seeking and searching of life's meaning and purpose is not over. LIFE is a long road of discovering. and i still yet to discover many wonders of this world and satisfy my unending curiosity. but be warned. you can either love me or hate me. but i don't care. this is me: sripped and bare as i can be.

so i invite you into my chaotic unperfect world. join me in my whirlwind new travels of diving into the unknowns. let me share my life with you all over again. come in, as i tell you my SILENT REVERIES.

love,
len


DISCOVER ME: who is the lady behind the blogs?



"I want to have a personal light, the glow of oneself that comes from sheer willpower, the light of someone who has made important sacrifices in the name of things I think are important."

---Paulo Coelho's "Eleven Minutes"

my name is len. people always tend to judge me without discovering who i really am. i might look intimidating, a typical shop girl, and i act like a crazy party girl on the weekend. but i actually have brains. and i own an even bigger heart. the truth is, beyond the louis vuitton bags, beyond the lavish parties, the excessive passion to travel and the desire to get to know the world, if you got to know the REAL ME, i am really just a simple girl. my only desire is to be loved for who i am.

"









REACH ME if you want to get to know me better, if you want to share your thoughts, if you want to be my friend, don't hesitate: you can find me at


::EMAIL ME @ AOL::
:: EMAIL ME @ GMAIL
::FACEBOOK::
::AOL IM: XLENDCX::
::yahoo: YM::
::MYSPACE::
PREVIOUS POSTS
Morning and Mourning Weeps
6 years.
2017 updates
I'm getting married!
ENGAGED!
3 years
To That Person I Fell In Love With When the Timing...
Beginnings
Reflection: $100 PER HOUR
Spiritual Reverie: BETTER THAN I


DAILY DOSE OF ME my other blogs: in case, you're not tired of me yet =)


::GOOD THINGS::
life is all about appreciating the simple things

::YACKETY YACKS::
pinay chatter box: much ado about nothing =)

CONTRIBUTIONS articles and works i've done for other e-zines through the years




binibini.org: KEYCHAIN
binibini.org: FAREWELL
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HABITUATE fellow bloggers who keeps me entertained and sane




::ernie::
::joyce::
::eric ahn::
::pammy::
::champuru::
::maldito/glenn::
::mica::
::tintin::
::batjay::
::rijah::
::carol::
::christine::

ADDICTION these are a few of my favorite things...




::louis vuitton::
::ugg australia::
::armani exchange::
::h & m::
::banana republic::
::target::
PAMPER ME in this stressful world, i need relaxation. places i hibernate to and hide away from the world. here are some of my favorite spots.




::olympic spa::
::pho siam thai spa::
:: raya spa::
::japanese garden::
::redondo beach::

FREQUENTS embracing life in los angeles: a day in a life in my shoes



::monte carlo cafe::
::THE GROVE::
::coffee bean::
::barnes and noble::
::starbucks::

GOBBLE GOBBLE [L.A.STYLE] food over matter los angeles style =)




::todai::
::sanamluang::
::hodori::
::alcove::
::portos::
::mayflower::
::tommy's::
::roscoe's::
::philippes::
::thai bbq::
::the pantry::
::pinks::
::koji's::
::kabuki::

QUERRIES i don't know everything. so these are the sites i go to answer my inquisitive inquiries, obtain html coldes, and upload my pictures.




::google::
::yahoo::
::ask::
::photobucket::
::blogger::

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