OJ ( AGAIN!)
I was just with OJ. I mentioned that I have been avoiding him lately because of what Mickey told me when we were in Las Vegas. And well, I think he finally noticed how I am trying to avoid him. Today was one of those days, OJ and I talked again. One thing that we share in common is our love for basketball. Growing up with a brother who is only two years younger than me, I learned to appreciate the concepts of basketball and enjoyed watching my brothers and his friends play a game. We used to play basketball together in our back yard and now, wehn I see them play, it reminds me of our childhood together. I feel like that with OJ. I can talk to him about anything and everything without feeling embarrass. We always have conversations about Lakers and his Sixers. I think he's amazed of my knowedge with the game. After all, not all women aroudn my age have a passion for basketball and "Kobe Bryant." (LOL) I don't know.
But today in class, I was so quiet because my whole body was aching from doing that tae bo work out last night. Plus, it's the fact that I had to be in school at 6:30 in the morning is quite a strain. But he was cutting me down and said,
"Are you praying? Are you okay? because you seemed so quiet on you own little corner."
And I just responded jokingly,
"OJ, it's too early for you to get on my case. If you didn't have "any" last night, if you're call boy business are down on rates right now, if none of the your avid clients who are either gay or divorce women in their fiftees are not giving you a booty call, please don't take it against me!"
And the rest of the troop sat there laughing... including OJ.
After class, OJ and I walked around the school and sat at our favorite place at the quad infront of the Nursing Department building (where I am waiting for a class)and we would just have endless hours cutting each other down or exchange stories. I admit, I enjoy his company but I don't know what he wants from me. For months now, I am yearning to ask him if he liked me, what he meant by giving me the necklace with a heart pendant, by taking me to class and sometimes, picking me up, by carrying my books and back pack for me, calling me at home at odd hours and checking if I was okay...All these questions are popping through my head while he was there in front of me staring me in the eyes, and telling me his stories. But as I said, from my previous entries, I am such a coward with dealing with these questions. I have no nerve or guts to ask him. I figured, if he does really like me, he should tell me. But obviously, action speaks louder than words, and the necklace, the drinks he bought me in the bar at studio 54 while we were in Vegas, all... everything else...is that telling me something? Today, I had another "hint." I just remembered he was goign home to the Philippines for vacation this end of May. I asked him a favor if he can buy me Cd's(because cd's there cost half price compared to cd's here) I wanted and I will give him the money. He asked me what I wanted. And I told him and he said he will get it for me free of charge. That he was actually planning to buy me the cd's anyway even if I didn't tell him.
I was speechless for a moment. He was PLANNING to? What's that suppose to mean? I don't know. The urge to ask him again came but as usual, I took the easy way out and avoided it. He went to his class but he did ahmm...made sure I was okay andwent and dropped me here at the library.
JASON
He's not filipino. He's a mix of Asian, Black and Hispanic. But he's educated and a college graduate, a must for me!. He's a disc jockey and a accounting staff for the cellular company called Cingular Wireless. He's independent and he's willing to learn and very open minded. But the chances of me getting attracted to him? I really don't know. But for right now, he's for keeps.
GLENN
My ex boyfriend called after I talked to Jason. Actually way after, it was 2 am! And I asked him why does he kept calling me when we decided to part ways for the obvious reasons. And he starts telling me how he can't keep himself away from me, how it was just me for the past four years, and how even if he messed up, he remained true to what he felt for me, and he never had anybody in his life who "listened" to him, " talked" to him like a human with emotions, cared and loved him for all he is and been... like I did. It was three in the morning here in Cali, and I was really out of it. And I knew he could sense I was so tired and sleepy.All I could say was, "okay." And I asked and excused if I can go because I have to get up early.He said I do't love him anymore. And I remained quiet. My mind can understand and comprehend what he was telling me. I ought to tell him how much he meant to me, how there are certain times when I cry because I missed him and I wanted to hold him, how he has caused me so much sorrow that I am tying to dminish or rather lessen all of it each and every day, how very much I wanted him back but he messed up by getting her pregnant, leaving me with no other choice but to leave, too and get my self together. I am in the gradual process of finding "me" amd learning how to love. Glenn was the last man who taught me to love with all my might but he also taught me when it's time to let that love go. I knew he still loved me. Even if he denied it, I could well sense it. I feel the same...prehaps, less, but it's also the wrong feeling to feel. As I said, I closed our love story with a lonely ending. Will I be able to create chapters of memories with him again? I have no clue. Maybe when he proves to me that the baby is not his. Otherwise, I willstill be his bestfriend and I assured him, I am here to stay.
posted by pinay freestyle @ 9:18 AM
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