Guess what? I got a phonecall last night from the cad who broke my heart. Who else could it be? It was just...Glenn.
I would be in denial if I say I was not to eager to hear from him. I was ecstatic! Even he noticed my rejuvenating enthusiasm. What's erratic is, I am not feeling bizarre because I am talking to Glenn. I'm delighted he called but I'm even more gratified because he called to say he missed me so much and that he has been calling me the past few days but it seemed as if every time he calls, I am not home.
Our conversation was splendid. It rendered me to our stunning past, the ones we filled with amazing revelations and unforgettabl, awe-inspiring mementos. I guess, I was elated with the fact that he called and I am talking to him as if he didn't blemish my soul. As I thouroughly mentioned from my previous scribbles, I do not withold the actuality that Glenn wounded not only my heart, but tarnished my esteem and imparied my whole soul from loving the same way I loved and cared for him. But, I do not disvow the reality that I do think of him and I do miss him regardless of the fact that I am striving so hard to get him off my thoughts and emotions. And the worse of it all, I am still core of healing and restoring my destroyed heart. In other words, I have not completely vaulted over him and half of my heart still yearns for him and all the four years we shared together.
The conversation lasted three hours and not a single moment did Glenn mentioned the girl he supposedly "got fertiled" (pregnant) in the Philippines. But of course, knowing my peery inquisitory self, I mandated myself to ask Glenn about the "lady he supposedly impregnate." And all he can tell me was, "I have not talk to her since the last time she called me." He asked how I was been and who I dated lately and I uttered I did went on a date with Mark. And then silence. I knew he was affected by what I said. But knowing him, he bluffed by faking a counterfeiting laughter.
But I thought of "her," the lady in the Philippines. Is she really pregnant? And if she is, is it really Glenn's baby? I mean, according to what I was informed a year ago, she was with a boyfriend in the Philippines who was and is not Glenn. Plus, how would Glenn know FOR SURE that the baby is his? How sure is he that he was the only guy she "philandered" or "intermeddled" with sexually? All these confusing speculations about what happened that night they "fiddled" and "monkeyed" around, are ruminating in my head. There's a fifty percent chance that it might be Glenn's child because hello?!, he admitted he "plunged his pony" inside her and he could've left a smear of his ejaculation (which in biological realization, can be about 1 million sperms or more) that could have a factor to succesfully produce a fetus.But on the other side, it can be someone else's and could it be he was framed because he is an American citizen with the "bucks'" and the "opportunity" for that lady to go here in the States.? I don't know. All of these are mere possibilities.
I am not trying to validate what Glenn did. He was reckless and stupid to "horn in" with that urban grown lady in the Philippines. And I still believe he should suffer the consequences. But I am also trying deliberate possible options that it can be NOT Glenn's baby because of the time factor that makes a huge difference. Okay, let's go through ithis whole debate by portions. I knew I mentioned previously that Glenn was only there almost a month. He claimed they had sex on the second week he was there. It was a "one night thing" and they never saw each other again after that. And then he left, but she has his number here in the States, in Hawaii, and as soon as he arrived here, she called and said, " I am pregnant." Does that justify anything? I mean, there are no blood results stating it is Glenn's. She can be pregnant but it can or cannot be Glenn's child. I will talk to Glenn about this tonight. I just want him to explore his options. He need not to worry about me. I will and I am fien without him but I am still his friend.
Well, flipping the focus back to my conversation with him, I can sense his triffling and flirting. He asked me something about "who was the best guys I ever made love with." Before, I would always tell him it was him but I feel like I taught him everything he knew sexually. He just matured and improved over the years. Yes, he satisfied my needs and desires but it is as if, I "trained" him. Well, I have long wanted to inform him that "INCH" was the best guy I ever made love with. I never had the nerve to tell him then. But now, since, I'm free off his latch, I answered his interrogation. That it was "inch." Silence struck again. I knew what that meant.He's bothered by it. He mused and thought about it. And then he goes, " Then maybe, what happened in PI was a 'karma' for you." And I responded, "It will never be 'karma' because I was not with you and with all the technicality involved, I was a single woman and I can do whatever I wanted during those time." We just left that like that.
We discuss a lot of things. Business inthe Philippines, his friends, my friends, our past, if he still loves me, and if he even thought of me, had I crossed his mind lately, does he marvel things about us...all the reflections I have been asking myself during the past two weeks and a half which by the way he all answered," YES." Pondering, I smiled sneakingly. Coudl it be that he wants me back? I can sense it. I told him I can sense it that if I was in front of him, " I can read it in his eyes" but due to our distance apart from each other, " I can hear it on the tone of his voice." It's that festive excitement knowing it was me who answered the phone. It's that endless giggles when he makes a comment and I cut him down. It's his animated and gleeful laughters. I guess, I just knew him so well that even if I was blind, if I touched his body or hands, I would know it was him. And vice versa, he also know every pinch and dash of my physical, emotional, and mental identity.
I had to go because it was 2 in the mornign here in California and I have school at 6:30 am. And then he asked me what were my plans for summer. And I told him, I will be at school but I will also be working. And that I have two weeks off before the Fall 2001 Schedule starts in August.
And then he asked me,
"Would you go and see me here in Hawaii in July ( on your birthday)? I will pay for everything.It's just I... I want to see you....even if you want that for the last time. Can you?"
I was flabbergasted. My brain is cogitating and excited. But it's the wrong speculation to think. My heart and mind are intertwinign again and I am confuse. I think he's trying to prove he still loves me and he still wants a secodn chance. He mentioned something about " I keep comign back to you, Len." But I pretended, I didn't hear it. Truthfully, I will be willing to give him a chance ONLY IF he proves that the kid is not his. Otherwise, it will be a close book for us if it it's really his baby. No more. But if you want ot knw my respond to his question,
I said, "Can I bring Maffi along?"
And he just giggled. He remarked that he will wait for my answer and that, anyway, it's still along way to go. I suggested I want to go to Maui if I go there. I just don't want to be in Oahu anymore. But for the time being, I remined him I had to go because it was already 3 in the morning. He agreed to hugn up and promised and assured me he will call me again tonight.
So, well, I know it the wrong thing to do right now, but I am just talking to him. I don't think I have the intentions to go back wiht him unless he proves that he's not the father. Otherwise, it's a no and we'd rather be friends. But as always, Glenn always have a the charms to sweep me off my feet. I still question why he's calling me again. And he just giggled. And with those giggles, it is as if I can define that I make him happy and yet, all these query I have intended to interrogate him, I don't think he will answer. But hmm, as I said, I knew him too well. Should I say, "Action speaks louder than words?" In this case, with confidence, I can firmly settle that certainty.
"Yep. I got him under my p*ssy."
heheh
posted by pinay freestyle @ 7:38 PM
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