I wish I could drive to Irvine now and ring his door bell and he answers the door and I can see this suprise look on his face.And he would give me this really tight and snugly hug. And he would invite me in. He's always embarrass how his condo is crappy and a mess that he would be cleaning his condo and picking up things here and there just for me to get comfy. He then will ask if I'm okay. if I'm hungry of thirsty, how was my day...was I tired...or ..what movie I want to watch on DVD or apologize he forgot to pay his cable thatthe company cut his cable off. He would begin offering me all the food and drinks he had in his fridge and asked if I was okay (again).
Then we would sit so far away from each other on each end of the sofa set. He had one of those L-shaped sofa set. I would sitting on one end one a sort'a liek yoga position and Inch would sit on the other edge with both his feet on the table sipping his bottle water. He would insert a VHS tape (whatever he had) and he would talk to me. Asked me every single thing he can ask...and I would answer all of them...he sits nearer and nearer. Sometimes, when I complain how I am so tired and my feet and back were hurting, he would just massage my back and feet with lotion and i would fall asleep next to him on his lap.
As I wake up, he's staring at me weird. I would ask him what time it was and he would just tell me, "it's still early" which meant "it's not ime for me to go home yet." So I woudl ask him if I can sleep onthe guest room and he sleep in his room ( he has two rooms in his condo). But he would insist that we sleep in his room and promised, "We'll just sleep." I trusted him. He then would close all his windows because it was raining otuside and it was windy. I would ask him if I can borrow some of his shirts and I would wear it like a night shirt. He would just hug me tight.
I could fall asleep in his arms so quickly. I always remind hism to set the alarm clock before 3 am so I can go home. But he said to wait until the sun is out to go home because it's too risky for me to go home at that hour. So I would just tuck myself in his built arms and I would lay on it and he hugged me tight. Sometimes, we would "messed around" but I would always remind him to "behave." And he would stop.
I miss having his strong arms hold me until I fall asleep. I miss smelling his Hugo Boss cologne all over. I could even smell in on his pillows. I miss hearing him breath so hard next to my ears. I miss how massage my feet and I massage his back. I miss pulling the comforter away from himand he would pull it back away from me. I miss talking to him in the dark in his bedroom. I miss how he would rush waking me when the alarm turns on and he would beg me to so home later. I miss how I would pretend I am sleeping and when I know he was sleeping, I would stare at him and I'd watch him sleep.
I am so stupid for not keeping him. Actually, I was so not over Glenn at that time. I found so many qualities that were just too good to be true in Inch. I found someone in him that made me feel loved again. But this fear took over me and I told him, " I am not ready for it." But I never told him the main reason...that I was scared to fall in love. That I was scared to be hurt again. What if he was one of them typical males?
But he treated me like a queen...I have never felt being placed in that high level of pedestal like Inch did. But I am stupid. Because of that fear, I let him slipped through and away and out of my life.
I send him a birthday card on his birthday on March 4, 2001. I am sure he got it. But he never responded. Is it because he's still mad at me? I apologized and asked for forgiveness. He didn't answer me. I am still waiting. Until that time comes, I am just here. And as ever, he will always be special.
It's just that, at this moment, he is in my thoughts, and I miss him so.
posted by pinay freestyle @ 11:19 PM
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