Sunday, April 14, 2002
peeping stares

he stared...at me.

do i have a dirty spot on my face? why the heck is he looking at me weird? did i do something wrong? after all, i am an orientee and he was my orientor and it was his obligation to monitor my procedures and to correct my errors.

i just started this other job at this acute hospital in los angeles ( but concentrated mainly on medical-surgical and oncology) . i have to be an orientee for a whole month (two weeks of which i did already) due to the many hospital protocols, medical treatments and procedures i am subjected to learn and hopefully remember when i am alone. and of course, he was my orientor and i only met him this weekend since this is my second job.

and we clicked.

by the end of saturday, we were getting along fine. he complimented me for my enthusiasm, knowledge and for being such a fast and yet, patient learner. then today, he opened up more. he mentioned his ex gf's and his current, his life, his struggles, his family. and i , being the coward that i am, i chose to not disclose my life...not yet. i just met him yesterday!

then today came, while i documented the treatments and procedures done on the patients' charts, he sat either in front of me or beside me. he' was supposed to look and check whether i charted right, to monitor my manual skills and to check whether i did it safe. to be fair, he did all these.

but he also stared.

stared at me, a lot. there were times when i coincidently looked his way and our eyes would meet and i would smile and he would, too. and then i 'd avoid his stares because it made me uncomfy. i think he noticed it so he'd pretend he wasn't looking at me.

at the corner of my eyes, then i would check if he did. i 'd glimpse at him and again, i would caught him staring at me. other times, when we did manual skills like drawing blood or do electrocardiogram ( EKG), he would hold my hand. if i did a great job, he would pat my back. or give a lose hug. and i cracked up jokes, he woudl laugh so hard. i'd tease him and he would tease me back. and oh yeah, he bought me lunch and made me coffee. hehehe.

he's cute, he is very gentleman, very funny, down to earth and mom likes him...he is very educated.

but... he also has a gf.

i'll see him again this week when i work there on the weekend. and once again, i will survey his stares and gazes.

his name is doug...i call him, " professor doug."

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MY SILENT REVERIES
writing is my passion. i created silent reveries years ago to vent out things i could not tell the world. it was my private, modern tech approach to scribbling my thoughts and emotions in a journal. in here, i can feely be who i am. i could cry my woes, i can love freely, i can grieve over a broken heart, i can celebrate the joys in my heart, i can rejoice with my accomplishments, i can tell stories of remarkable friendships and unforgettable connections i made with extraordinary people SECRETLY AND SILENTLY without worrying people might judge me. i hid under the name PINAY FREESTYLE.

but eventually, some people gained access to my secret place. so i opened my doors to them in the purpose that i could inspire them: to be better versions of themselves and to share themselves to the world. slowly, i embraced my readers as a part of my life. i welcomed the strange idea that my untold life stories and unconcealed revelations could be of help to others, to love and accept themselves as they are. and i, i came out from the animosity. i eventually became just the regular LEN - the nickname my family & friends call me.

i developed stories of love, of letting go, of falling in love all over again. i made great friendships. but if there's one thing i was particularly proud of, it was my undenying love for the LORD. i wrote and made soul searching, heart wrenching entries i entitled, "SPIRITUAL REVERIES" which you will find many here. it was my productive way to heal myself from twinge and while i am at it, i could also mend others spirits along the way and bring them back up to par with their faith and relationships with God. it has not stop there. it's still a constant journey.

and so, for as long as i can, i vowed to tell my memorable reflections,i have unmasked the hidden me. and the seeking and searching of life's meaning and purpose is not over. LIFE is a long road of discovering. and i still yet to discover many wonders of this world and satisfy my unending curiosity. but be warned. you can either love me or hate me. but i don't care. this is me: sripped and bare as i can be.

so i invite you into my chaotic unperfect world. join me in my whirlwind new travels of diving into the unknowns. let me share my life with you all over again. come in, as i tell you my SILENT REVERIES.

love,
len


DISCOVER ME: who is the lady behind the blogs?



"I want to have a personal light, the glow of oneself that comes from sheer willpower, the light of someone who has made important sacrifices in the name of things I think are important."

---Paulo Coelho's "Eleven Minutes"

my name is len. people always tend to judge me without discovering who i really am. i might look intimidating, a typical shop girl, and i act like a crazy party girl on the weekend. but i actually have brains. and i own an even bigger heart. the truth is, beyond the louis vuitton bags, beyond the lavish parties, the excessive passion to travel and the desire to get to know the world, if you got to know the REAL ME, i am really just a simple girl. my only desire is to be loved for who i am.

"









REACH ME if you want to get to know me better, if you want to share your thoughts, if you want to be my friend, don't hesitate: you can find me at


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PAMPER ME in this stressful world, i need relaxation. places i hibernate to and hide away from the world. here are some of my favorite spots.




::olympic spa::
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FREQUENTS embracing life in los angeles: a day in a life in my shoes



::monte carlo cafe::
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GOBBLE GOBBLE [L.A.STYLE] food over matter los angeles style =)




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