Sunday, March 24, 2002
I don't have the heart

on my way home right now from kayla's birthday party ( all the way in eaglerock, about 20 minutes drive from los angeles), i listened to this song over and over because not only the people at the party were singing it repetitively in the videoke, but also the love radio station , KOST ( 103.5 FM) kept playing it on the radio.

why did it caught my attention? well, the lyric meant so much and i can relate so much. i guess because it reminded me of what AB told me recently regarding our romantic status. so with no further ado, judge it for yourself.

I don't Have the Heart
(by James Ingram)
Your face is beaming
You say is ‘cause you’re dreaming
Of how good it’s going to be
You say you’ve been around
And now you’ve finally found
Everything you wanted and need in me


I don’t have the heart to hurt you
It’s the last I want to do
But I don’t have the heart to love you
Not the way you want me to


Inside I’m dying
To see you crying
How can I make you understand
I care about you
So much about you, baby
I’m trying to say this as gently as I can

Cause I don’t have the heart to hurt you
It’s the last I want to do
But I don’t have the heart to love you
Not the way you want me to


You’re so trusting and open
Hoping that love will start
But I don’t have the heart, oh, no
I don’t have the heart


I don’t have the heart to hurt you
It’s the last I want to do
But I don’t have the heart to love you
Not the way you want me to


I don’t have the heart (Ooh...)
(Baby, I don’t have the heart, I don’t have the heart)
I don’t have the heart (Ooh...)
(Baby, I don’t have)


I don’t have the heart
I don’t have the heart
I don’t have the heart
I don’t have the heart
I don’t have the heart



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MY SILENT REVERIES
writing is my passion. i created silent reveries years ago to vent out things i could not tell the world. it was my private, modern tech approach to scribbling my thoughts and emotions in a journal. in here, i can feely be who i am. i could cry my woes, i can love freely, i can grieve over a broken heart, i can celebrate the joys in my heart, i can rejoice with my accomplishments, i can tell stories of remarkable friendships and unforgettable connections i made with extraordinary people SECRETLY AND SILENTLY without worrying people might judge me. i hid under the name PINAY FREESTYLE.

but eventually, some people gained access to my secret place. so i opened my doors to them in the purpose that i could inspire them: to be better versions of themselves and to share themselves to the world. slowly, i embraced my readers as a part of my life. i welcomed the strange idea that my untold life stories and unconcealed revelations could be of help to others, to love and accept themselves as they are. and i, i came out from the animosity. i eventually became just the regular LEN - the nickname my family & friends call me.

i developed stories of love, of letting go, of falling in love all over again. i made great friendships. but if there's one thing i was particularly proud of, it was my undenying love for the LORD. i wrote and made soul searching, heart wrenching entries i entitled, "SPIRITUAL REVERIES" which you will find many here. it was my productive way to heal myself from twinge and while i am at it, i could also mend others spirits along the way and bring them back up to par with their faith and relationships with God. it has not stop there. it's still a constant journey.

and so, for as long as i can, i vowed to tell my memorable reflections,i have unmasked the hidden me. and the seeking and searching of life's meaning and purpose is not over. LIFE is a long road of discovering. and i still yet to discover many wonders of this world and satisfy my unending curiosity. but be warned. you can either love me or hate me. but i don't care. this is me: sripped and bare as i can be.

so i invite you into my chaotic unperfect world. join me in my whirlwind new travels of diving into the unknowns. let me share my life with you all over again. come in, as i tell you my SILENT REVERIES.

love,
len


DISCOVER ME: who is the lady behind the blogs?



"I want to have a personal light, the glow of oneself that comes from sheer willpower, the light of someone who has made important sacrifices in the name of things I think are important."

---Paulo Coelho's "Eleven Minutes"

my name is len. people always tend to judge me without discovering who i really am. i might look intimidating, a typical shop girl, and i act like a crazy party girl on the weekend. but i actually have brains. and i own an even bigger heart. the truth is, beyond the louis vuitton bags, beyond the lavish parties, the excessive passion to travel and the desire to get to know the world, if you got to know the REAL ME, i am really just a simple girl. my only desire is to be loved for who i am.

"









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