got guts?

i was with AB last night and early dawn. i enjoy these moments with him. these are the rare moments i discover so much abotu him that makes me absolutely adore him.

as usual, we talked the night away. i am beginning to realize how much i want to be with him. i think i really am falling for him despite of the fact that i denied it constantly. i just realized how amazing he is as a friend, as a son, and... as a potential partner. but i am not hoping. i am just letting things be.

but today was special. i mentioned how i am gutless with concerns to expressing my emotions towards someone because i am scared of getting hurt. spending the weekend with marvelous peeps like mickey, made me think about myself and the risks i am about to take. he said i have nothing to lose and that what can he possibly NOT like in me. truthfully, i don't know. but that was an ego boost to take a step...and be brave for once.

so i did. a huge risk. a big leap.

this morning. i gave AB access to TEARYEYES where i wrote DEAR BOY and HIDDEN EMOTIONS (specifically for him). i don't know he read it yet. but for some irky reason, i knew he read it already and knowing him, he is probably overwhelmed or surprised of how i hid my feelings so well. but at the same time, the outcome is killing me. i am so fearful. i don't want to expect more.

for the first time in my life, it felt good letting someone see through me, to see me transparently, and to discover my hidden emotions towards them. normally, i am better at keeping it hidden that letting it be exposed. this is one time i finally had the balls to let someone know what i feel for them even if i took the "blog" way of saying it.

i am not expecting anything in return. it would be good for the feelings to be reciprocated. but it's good enough that i am able to let it out....to be able to tell AB in my written musings that he is so wonderful in many ways i could not fully explain.

now, i await for its outcome. if it's positive, i am happy. if it does not go well, i am still contented.

bottom line is, for the first time in my life, i can say, i was brave, i had the balls , i had the fearless guts to tell someone that i am falling for him.

that means a whole lot.

posted by pinay freestyle @ 9:04 PM

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