more than a clown

handwritten, i wrote this entry at work the other night.

05 april 2002 (10:15 pm)

more than a clown

it's an ardous job for me to trust anyone completely. i don' t think i am antisocial. i have an enermous number of friends. but i just find it extremely bothersome to let anyoen take a peek of the quiet and private side of me, the REAL me. it's rockyly strange because i am labelled, " wacky;" the one goofing around in the group, cracking up jokes here and there. it's metaphorically weird how my peers and colleagues nicknamed me, " the CLOWN."

don't get me wrong. i am absolutely delighted that my friends appreciates my sense of bantered humor. i am glad that i am able to share my fondness of jesting comedy to them. it's always a pleasure to make someone smile or even laugh. it's a great feeling to know i make someone's day brighter or even to see the smile on their faces.

but....

.... i long to be noticed.

i am more than my comicality and drollery. i am beyond the endless giggles, the loud laughters, and the character who tells the jokes. i just noticed no one no one ever really takes the time to REALLY get to know me. while i spend hours and efforts to discover the people around me or the people i already knew, no one have actually divulge their time nor attempted to discover me.

only a few knew my birthdate fell on july. i bet, none of them knew my favorite color is red, that i am fond of poetry and literature, that i enjoy the beach and i loved the hearing the raindrops and watching the sun set, or that i am absolutely a starbvucks' freak. whiel they run to me for life's advices, while i listen to their stories, dramas, and dilemmas, and deal with their tantrums and tempers, they never offered comfort at the time i needed it. as a matter of fact, over the years, i learned to face and solve my problems alone.

interesting how they tagged me, " the clown." yes, i enjoy comedy and i rejoice in seeing happy faces. their smiles and their hysterical " my-stomach-is-hurting" laughters means the world to me. but them? have they ever wondered who i really am? have they ever even attempted to discover the person behind that mask of the clown?

if not, they are missing out on a lot.

....because....

i have so much more to offer.

.....because...

....i am more than a clown.

posted by pinay freestyle @ 3:07 AM

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