27 Jul 2001
apprehending coward
i'll see you tonight. i will be with you...tonight. i am ALWAYS able to face my fears but for some reason, this one is really kicking in my stomach. my chickenheartedness is rising above me again. and i'm terribly scared.
i'm terrified of what will happen tonight. will this flourish as planned ? or will it fade just like the rest? will you back up all the words what was said and will it be done? or will it be just those words...without meaning (because you might fidn something in me negative).
should i hope for the best or the worse? should i hope for love or a broken heart? wehn you look into my eyes, will you feel you wanted me? or no, i am (and feasibly, never....) meant for you? worse yet, should i even hope at all?
will you hold my hand? will cuddle with me? will you treat like your queen? will you tell me words that you have said before? or will i be ignored and taken forgranted?
ahh. fear and cowardice...it's slowly eating me up. i am trying to remain brave here and yet, this frightening trepidation is swallowing me whole.
where will we go from here? where will we start? will we be couples? or will we be "JUST friends?" will this be and end? or will this be a beginning or something we have both dreamed of?
i'm terror-sticken. i am so terrified that not only the butterfiles are floating aroudn my stomach but they are all over my body causing me to shake and panic.
ahh...whatever happens, happens. i'll cross my fingers and not expect anything. if it works, what a nice birthday gift for me. if it doesn't, it's just another lonely birthday ...i'm used to it. i have had it every year. i'll just let it be. Lord, You hold the keys to all these speculations. It is You who will decide. No matter what it is, I will accept it with all my heart.
posted by pinay freestyle @ 8:07 AM
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