Tuesday, July 17, 2001
looking through the eyes

something bugged me regardign my conversationw ith "sweetie" ( okay, his name is frank) last night.i told him how i am always uncomfortable looking to a man's eyes. i mean, i can look at it but i can't stare at it. or is it teh way it stares at me? oh well, i don't really know. it's just i feel as if i was being stripped down naked when people especially men, stares at me. feasibly, i feel conscious about myself.

anywayz, i mentioned this whole issue with frank last night. and then he blurted that he loves lookign through the "girl he loves' " eyes
( was he referring to me? ) i asked what is it about the eyes that he has to stare at. and yes, as wonderful as he is, he said, there is so many things you can tell through a lady's eyes. it can be "gosh, I want you, i love you, you're everything to me" or " gosh, i am not feeling anything...there's nothing there."

as he was telling me this, i wondered what he feels looking at or through my eyes. can he peek through the voices in my heart by looking through my eyes? will he feel the same emotions i feel just by staring at it? will he see my fear? can he sense i am afraid? does he feel "gosh. i want her" or "gosh, there's nothing there?"

like everything in life, i do not know the answer. perhaps, i will be able to claim the answer to these questions when the proper time comes along and if frank and i will end up to be with each other. i just don't want to jinx any romantic possibilities. it's more like..."let it be." right now, i like him so much. and i miss him more than i should. and for now, i am contented with that. so i am leaving it to fate...if there's such thing...i'll simply "let it be."

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MY SILENT REVERIES
writing is my passion. i created silent reveries years ago to vent out things i could not tell the world. it was my private, modern tech approach to scribbling my thoughts and emotions in a journal. in here, i can feely be who i am. i could cry my woes, i can love freely, i can grieve over a broken heart, i can celebrate the joys in my heart, i can rejoice with my accomplishments, i can tell stories of remarkable friendships and unforgettable connections i made with extraordinary people SECRETLY AND SILENTLY without worrying people might judge me. i hid under the name PINAY FREESTYLE.

but eventually, some people gained access to my secret place. so i opened my doors to them in the purpose that i could inspire them: to be better versions of themselves and to share themselves to the world. slowly, i embraced my readers as a part of my life. i welcomed the strange idea that my untold life stories and unconcealed revelations could be of help to others, to love and accept themselves as they are. and i, i came out from the animosity. i eventually became just the regular LEN - the nickname my family & friends call me.

i developed stories of love, of letting go, of falling in love all over again. i made great friendships. but if there's one thing i was particularly proud of, it was my undenying love for the LORD. i wrote and made soul searching, heart wrenching entries i entitled, "SPIRITUAL REVERIES" which you will find many here. it was my productive way to heal myself from twinge and while i am at it, i could also mend others spirits along the way and bring them back up to par with their faith and relationships with God. it has not stop there. it's still a constant journey.

and so, for as long as i can, i vowed to tell my memorable reflections,i have unmasked the hidden me. and the seeking and searching of life's meaning and purpose is not over. LIFE is a long road of discovering. and i still yet to discover many wonders of this world and satisfy my unending curiosity. but be warned. you can either love me or hate me. but i don't care. this is me: sripped and bare as i can be.

so i invite you into my chaotic unperfect world. join me in my whirlwind new travels of diving into the unknowns. let me share my life with you all over again. come in, as i tell you my SILENT REVERIES.

love,
len


DISCOVER ME: who is the lady behind the blogs?



"I want to have a personal light, the glow of oneself that comes from sheer willpower, the light of someone who has made important sacrifices in the name of things I think are important."

---Paulo Coelho's "Eleven Minutes"

my name is len. people always tend to judge me without discovering who i really am. i might look intimidating, a typical shop girl, and i act like a crazy party girl on the weekend. but i actually have brains. and i own an even bigger heart. the truth is, beyond the louis vuitton bags, beyond the lavish parties, the excessive passion to travel and the desire to get to know the world, if you got to know the REAL ME, i am really just a simple girl. my only desire is to be loved for who i am.

"









REACH ME if you want to get to know me better, if you want to share your thoughts, if you want to be my friend, don't hesitate: you can find me at


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FREQUENTS embracing life in los angeles: a day in a life in my shoes



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