scared for love

last night, frank asked me to be his girl. my first reaction was i am not ready. and why me? he said because i am unique and wonderful in every little and big ways that on,y his heart can define. i started having unwanted flashbacks of my miserable relationships from my past particularly with glenn...all those tear-jerking nights i cried my butt off, the dreary moments when he told me he has someone new, the depressing self pity i felt when he cheated on me and when he got "her" pregnant...all these hurt started haunting me.

i knew frank was waiting for an answer. i like him so much but i don't want to make an "overnight" decision for something i am not fully prepared for. i am gambling everything here. i worked so hard to be able to stand on my own feet because i had just began to learn how to be strong when glenn left. i now have wings to fly again and maybe, i owe it all to frank, too, but i'm dead frightened of the outcome if ever i made the wrong decision. yes, i am aware that everything in life requires taking risks and i should not let this opportunity to be loved by someone whom i knew cares for me dearly and i feel the same way just pass me by...but does anyooen understand... i am so scared. i am just chicken shit scared

i am sure i like frank so much. that, i have no problem. i just need a guarantee that i am not putting myself up to be hurt. but see, i will never discover that unless i pick this chance to be with him. he's wonderful, he showers me with tender loving care, he's thoughtful, calls me at 6 am to tell me good morning and he'll miss me and he'll be thinking of me, accepts me and my imperfections, ahh...what else can i ask more? for now, just enough time to think through things. i already promised him my next weekend. it's actually the weekend of my birthday (july 29, sunday, i turn 23).

so, i left it unanswered but i also explained my reasons to him. as usual, he understood. i just need time. i told him i like him the same he attracts me and that he needs not to worry about that. but it's just things in life like love...or risking everything for love, requires major contemplating.but it's just a little hint...i might end up saying YES...but not now. perhaps, on my birthday? we'll see. sshh, it's our little secret. frank is clueless! i'll keep you guys posted.

posted by pinay freestyle @ 1:49 PM

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