i miss him. i terribly miss him. why do i feel this way? i had missed someone before but not to this extent. then at the same time, i feared. i feared for my self. i am afraid of what is instored for me and frank. should i worry? i mean, engaging myself in a brand new romance scares the crap out of me. but if i let him go and he found someone new, i would kick my self in the butt for not giving this opportunity for romance to blossom. it's there, right in front of me, all i have to do is grab it.
gosh, he's so special to me. sometimes, when he tells me how wonderful i am, how he finds everything he wants in me, i become terrified and stunned because it seems that i really don't deserve his praises. too many guys took advantage of my kindness, too many of them came into my life and left me with a paralyzed heart, unable and weak to love again like it used to. will frank become one of these statistics of jerks? i am frightened. it's like i am climbing up a tall tower unknowingly aware of what lies on top, what is there for me.
worse yet, i am putting my heart in a menace again. i am compromising all the time and effort healing my heart and soul that i worked very diligently and hardly onthe past few months. will he be the one? willl he stay with me through out the tough times? will he be able to stand with me through out the thick and thin? i need someone who is stronger than me. right now, he is showing me every little good thing. but is that enough? or will he turn into someone i will regret later? i hope not.
i am gamblign my heart again. i agreed to be frank's "seeing" partner. whatever that meant, i really don't know. i am supposedly one step away from being his girlfriend. well, i am risking all cards here and putting it all on the line. whatever the outcome is, i am entering at my own endangerment.
Lord, if you have given frank to me, please give me a good sign that he's here to stay. or if he was meant to go, i will probably accept it anyway because i will never regret making him a part of me even for a short while. but Lord, i am only here to hope and pray. it is still YOUR will and YOUR blessing that will fulfill my desires to have someone love me as much as i will love him. i am leaving it all to YOU, my Lord...because the honor and the glory lies under You. under circumstances this romantic chance will not work out, i woudl still be thankful to You because i know deep in my heart, You have someone/something better waiting for me/awaiting me.
posted by pinay freestyle @ 11:23 PM
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