attacked

there this guy professing his "admiration" for me. let's call him " HON." ( note: hon does not stand for "honey" or any another expression of affection. this is nothing but a code). hon last night, stuttured as he tells me he likes me. "why?," i asked him, "what makes you like me?," he starts to be speechless and gets toungue tied with his phrases. trying to regain his composure,"it's your personality...you're funny, you're intelligent, you are beautiful....," he replied.

of course, i blushed. i'm flattered. it seems that his intentions are clean and true. and i truly find that appealing. he is genuinely nice. very caring towards his friends and family. i have been seeing him for the past month or so. it's such an ovberwhelming feeling that someone admires you.

funny because i have gone out with several dates with "ab" and "kuya" for the past month also. but there was some awkwardness because i never really gone out with a really good friend. and so i was thinking i did not want to ruin my friendships with these guys.

but then as i listen to hon unfold this "liking" towards me, the recurrent fear attacked me again: the fears of "what ifs," the fear of "another cheater," the fear...to like someone or even love again. after the last blows of the broken heart and a dozen assholes that i had in my past, i was immensely scared that someone even liked me this much.

i did not want to hurt him. i did not want to let this chance pass me by. i just felt like i am not ready to love again. it does not leam he can not be a potential. he can and he is not easy to love. i'm just....i am just afraid.

so i took a big sigh and replied, "if you're asking if i like how you are, i really like you as a person. if you are asking me if i feel the same way for you, i really can not tell right not. however, i do feel you are truly nice and you treated me like a queen, and that means a lot to me. for now, i really think you should get to know me more. i have flaws too, but thank you for tellling me what you feel. i know that was not easy. but you braved it. "

he smiled at me. he said, " that's good enough."

posted by pinay freestyle @ 8:45 PM

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