Surf's Up

Life is like surfing the gigantic pipes. Sometimes, waves takes you up to the highest highs and then the tides will drown you to the bottom low. And when the ride is good, the tide will direct you calmly to the shore.

Life has beaten me up so bad these days. Not only am I working 10 days of 16 hours, I am also dealing with the highest acuities of patients in town: only the meanest and the hardest you can imagine. Work offered me enermous stress. Not just with the dalily dose of patient care I deal with but also the difficulty of dealing with co-workers who has nothing to do but rattle about my private life to other people.

Then come my love life. I don't exactly know the score between me and Jay. I had a huge argument with his sister and mother regarding "my closeness" to him. They stated, "He's neglecting his responsibilities to them." I confronted Jay concerning this issue. I will write about that in a later entry. But to shorten details, Jay moved out of his parent's house and living inwith a friend. I haven been with him on and off this whole month. We ate late dinners together, he goes to work to visit me, and talk on the phone. I terribly miss him. I am not good at telling people what I feel. So, the hardest part is him being infront of me and I could not excatly express them what I feel for them because I am scared.

Lastly is my family's mess. I have been helping my mom and my siblings out with the financial responsibilities at home. In fact, half of what I work for goes to the house and everything else: gas, insurance, mortgage, telephone, cell phone, water and power....etc. I came homeone day and all my credit card bills and my bank statements were open. Then I found out that my mom opened all my mails. Then she had the nerve to tell me about the money I do not give her. Gosh, I worke dmy ass off compensating for all these bills. I am physically drained and physically stressed and I am stil the one blame for everything. So with that said, I am trying to look for a place to move out to on my own. I think the only solution for my miseries right now is to be independent.

I am tired. I am exhausted from the surf waves of my life. I am getting by but I am also getting etremely weary. I am just waiting for the calm....waiting for the calm.

posted by pinay freestyle @ 9:43 AM

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