"you always do this to yourself," maffi reminded me the other day while i was telling her about my escapade with men the past few months. there's ab who i have been seeing since january and has not told me anyhtign about what he really feels for me and yet, he constantly bugs me about my feelings for ron. then there's this guy i constantly call "kuya tony" who everybody thinks i am with since i am always physically seen with him. there's MARK whom i went out this week ---he was fun to be with. then there's jay, whom i just started hanging around with three weeks ago and we are clicking closer than ever.
i am losing my patience with ab because he is too slow in telling me how he feels. and kuya is purely just a friend to me. mark is just a fun fella to kick it with . but jay, he is so much more like me. i hate to say this but he reminds me so much of ron besides being both korean. and then when i told maffi about how he gives me the "thrill." and then i added that i will be avoiding him.
maff questioned why i always do this to myself. she said that she noticed that eversince high school that when i start to like anyone, i do not tell them what i feel and i chicken out. and i am doing it again now with jay. i told maff that jay does not knwo anything about me exceot i sued to be from jefrox and that i am a nurse. otherwise, it is killing him that i know so much about his culture even his language. and i am scared to share one pinch of me to him.
truth is, i could not tell maff that i have not changed since high school. i am still chicken at this thing called love. i am so afraid to love again after what had happened on the last one. and since, i am feeling the "i-like-symptoms" from jay, i am starting to dwell on my past experiences and i am being to develop the "i-have-to-avoid-this guy" symptoms again. i do not know what lies ahead. i i only know i am scared. one thing i know for sure is...time will come when i will be ready to love. who knows this might be the start? what i wanted to tell maff was i am still coping that is why i am avoiding the men getting attracted to me. but it will take baby steps until i let someone conquer my heart again. for now, i am just letting the symptoms kick in.
posted by pinay freestyle @ 8:31 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home