"don't say anything," this has been my slogan for the whole month. i succumbed myself in my shell. there were things i kept to myself. i mean nobody knew these things. that is unlikely of me. i usually babble my thoughts. but for once, i wanted to just not share my lingerings.
for instance, in the past few days although there were enermous times when i wanted to call ron and say hello, i decided not to. i dialed his number several times and right when i was about to press the last digit of his telephone number, i hung up the phone. it was necessary. i had to refrain myself from doing that. a guy friend of mien said that i was fighting for my principle when i broke it off with ron and for me to call him again, he will probably think that i "want" him again. he even added, it is stating that i am giving up on my own battle.
another incident was when i am with AB ( yes, i have been "hanging" with him on and off for four months now) he kept asking me (he asked me every time i see him ) if "i still talk to ron" or "do i still like or love ron?," i never responded. instead, i changed the subject. sometimes, i would interrogate him why he wants to know my status with ron and he would just respond incoherent and out of this world answers. i know he wonders what i feel for ron. does he want to make sure i am over ron? or it this his way of shielding himself from being hurt? he wants to make sure i am over ron? as much as i wanted to answer his questions about my ex, i once again shut my mouth and dare nto say anything.
then this week, i met a korean guy ( my type of men....heheh j/k). he seemed familiar but i did not know where i met him. i did not really open up. all he knew is that i am filipino, i am a nurse by profession, a full time college student and i have a new car. but he rambled about his life. he told me where he lived ( he lives on the next block eats of my house ---sssh, he doesn't know), he mentioned he used to be from a gang named: JEFROX (i used to be in the same gang...back in the days---that's why he looked familiar! maybe i saw him there---ssshh, he does not know thsi either), he goes to UC Riverside and he told me about his life story. he asked me if i gone out with a korean guy before ( if he only knew my history with ron) and i responded, "why does it matter?" i was not ready to tell him about my life and my past yet. he seems interested to get to know me. maybe i will walk my dog in his street one of these days.
sometimes, it is best to keep quiet. sometimes, if you are not ready, the only best response is silence. i have learned that there are things that were worth revealing but i also believe that there are things that are best or better unsaid. my broken relationship with ron, AB's constant questions, and my animosity with this korean guy are just examples. someday, i will be ready. but for now, i want to be in discreet.
posted by pinay freestyle @ 12:20 PM
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