LOVE??

i was talking to nicky ( ron's friend's girl) about my situation with ron: that he calls me almost everyday and we talk and yeah...like friends.

suddenly, ron calls on the other line of her cell and she decided to put me on three way with ron and not tell ron i was there on conference call.

nicky: hey ron, how's len?

ron: that girl, she's all over me like a snake. why can't she just accept it's over?!

well, to cut the conversation, he went on about feeling macho and all that. it's funny because i was the one who decided to be friends. yes, i admitted i loved him but i knew his dreams are more important than our relationship so i had to let it go. and he calls me and we talk almost everyday as friends. i swear on my parents that i never called him unless i have to return his calls. and he claims i'm "all over him?" i was mortified.

after this incident, i cried to my friends. i guess, i just needed to vent out because it was too much to handle. then i went in daze and confusion. i was really hurt because i feel as if i needed some sort of respect as an exgirlfirend or even as a friend. but no. the man i loved and still do made me look like a fool. while he is right there facing me, i see this different guy who USED to love me. and when i turn my back, i see an asshole who stabs my back over and over without me knowing. .

at first, cowardness enveloped me. i felt it was okay to not settle this conflict, to just let ron stepp all over me. anyway, i was kind of decided to just put this off thru silence. but i read his letters over and over...phrases of i love you and i need you and i miss you. i tore me even more. how can someone you love dearly say something else when i have all these papers to prove it? how can he say he cared for me when i am there talking to him when behind my back he was making me look like a thirsty lover?

rage hovered in my system. i was upset. i was disappointed. out of anger, i packed every single letter and whatever else he gave me in a box. i went to the post office and mail it to him because i did not want to see him anymore. i'm afraid i might cry infrotn of him because of all these emotions. he kept calling as if he did not do anything wrong. that pained me even more. it was killing me inside.

finally he called. and all this anger built inside busted out. full of fury and ire, i defended myself, " ron, we need to talk." i confronted him about the wrong accusations and his ego and delusions that i was supposedly all over him. i told him i heard the conversation from him himself because i was on the three way. i uttered that he was a wimpy chicken without balls to tell me what he really felt and that he was an asshole for mastering the perfection of a liar.

so he gets upset. i added he can get mad for all i care but i am not goign to believe what he had to say. i even said he wished i was all over him. he wished he was over me. please. and that he had no right to get mad. if ever, the best thign for him to do right at that moment is to apologize and perhaps, i can still accept his apologies.

so he asked, " can we still be friends?"

"frankly, at the moment, i don't even want to talk to you., " i replied firmly.

then i added, " truth is....i wanted to say this for a long time...F**K YOU, ron. i really mean it this time."

i hung up the phone. still hurt but somewhat proud. i can not let people step on me. i cannot let poeple treat me like shit. i can not let them tear me apart.....

....nobody....


......... not even people i loved dearly.

posted by pinay freestyle @ 8:36 AM

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