he loved me...
he remarked, " i was like a jewel every hunter seeks to find."he begged me to not laugh as he proclaimed he was "falling"for me.he declared "he really loved me."he assured that if anything was to happen to him, he reaffirmed me to remember that his love for me was "true and real."
again, he cited he loved me. ( sure he did).
but then, he departed. no words were said.he withdrew in silence.he just faded away .......for a long while.
whoa. he returned as if everyhting he left was normal. he desired everything like the way it used to be. once again, he professed his love for me.he promised that "this time he will stay." "why?," i asked."because i really cared, " he responded, "it's just i was scared..."
"scared of what?" i asked myself.if he really loved me, why did he leave in the first place? if i meant something to him, why was i the frist person he dropped? these were just some of the questions lingering in my head. a gazillion of them, in fact. all of them he will probably will never answer.
silence multiplied after that. he expected he will be bombarded with questions. he was expected to reply with some kind of explanation. he never did. he never had the courage to. he never opened up any response i wanted to hear.
second time around, he faded like a bubble. this time there was a bigger excuse. and he had a problem and i helped him...all the way...even when it was the roughest time of his life. he clinged to me. i felt as if he needed me.
i made a move to discuss some unsaid issue with him. once again, he showered me with all these "i-care-for-you-and-i-love-you" drama. love letters, gifts, phone calls, unexpected visits here and there. he was trying to sweep me off my feet....AGAIN. o recognized his romantic tactics but i watched every move cautiously.
i loved him. the flame was burnign inside me. i wanted him to be really serious this time. how many times can he break my heart or how many silent good byes can i handle to make me realized that he was foolin' me? is this the time? did he meant it this time? gosh i loved him...more than he will ever know.
but i stopped.
there was overflowing amount of pain. i endured every sacrifices. i have given him my utmost understanding. i tolerated the painful and silent farewells. i took him back hoping for a better me and him. though tears and laughter, i stayed. through thick and thin, i was behind him. to me that was LOVE.
was i happy?
he uttered, "he loved me."
i thought he did.
perhaps, some time ago, he did. maybe some of me he did loved. or he might have just needed me.
yet, it's crushing me into debris.
i just realized all these times he said he loved me....
...he lied.
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