it felt like sunday school all over again. i remembered when i was a little girl how my mother dragged me to go to church so early so i can go to the sunday school where i learned the praise songs and we explored the meaning behind the verses of the bible. i can probably recall most of the bible verses because the deaconess ( our version of "nuns" in methodist faith) made me recite a new one each and every sunday. the only thing that was different was that the bible verses mean so much to me now than when i was a kid.
it was easter sunday today and my mom asked me to attend the service at the methodist church. it has been a while since i went to a methodist service ( my father is catholic and my mother is methodist---i practice both faith). it brought me back so many childhood memories. like today, i watched my mom sang with the choir like i used to. as usual, she sang louder than the rest of the choir and invited other members to join the next choir practice. i watched my dad watch my mom sing in amazement. he has always been my mom's biggets fan. and my brothers and i sat right next to each other while the pastor gave the sermon.
but this time, it was different. gone were the days when my siblings and i pretended to listen to the pastor's sermon and get on each other's nerves ( we always did that). today, we actually listened. the pastor talked about "reaction to His resurrection" referring to Christ. i believe that there is someone called our savior. it might be different from different religion and i respect that. but there is someone we confer our spirituality to. and today, i felt that i conferred my sipritual bond with that savior once again. in the christian faith, it is Jesus Christ: the one who suffered, died for our sins, and today, at easter, he rose again.
like his resurrection, i am also reviving my spirit. the sermon discussed about easter being a new beginning for christians. this meant coming out clean, repenting the sins committed, and going back to Him as he resurrected. i want to engage my self to actually begin again. as a stat, i sent ron a sorry and thank you card this week and actually offered a friendship. i told him i have forgiven him for everything. i think it is time to let the pain go, come clean and start a new. he has not responded but at least, on my part, the burden is getting lighter. and to HIm, i poured out the emotional roller coaster that has been bothering me all these times. and i can honestly say, i feel a lot better.
sometimes it takes little moments to get the courage to start again. every year, i go to this cycle. sometimes it is the beginning of the year, or christmas time. but this year, it is easter. i have not had the will to hope because my soul was tranishedly torn into debris. when i sang this him today ( i used to sing it when i was young) it stated, "let the pain go and think about a new tomorrow." i realized how selfish i was to succomb my problems inside when i can let it out in my silent cries and prayers.
sometimes, people and events push your emotional and spiritual self to the ground. and as always, the most difficult part is getting up on your feet. i have been experiencing that since the approach of 2003. i realized, yes, perhaps, i met my spiritual self again. and that there is a savior, and perhaps He was talking to me today because through the sermon, my crying heart heard HIM. perhaps, today, he reminded me that it was okay to cry and it was okay to let go. but above all, it was okay to start again.
happy easter everyone!
posted by pinay freestyle @ 8:11 PM
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