yesterday, loc commented i was impatient.
" you gott'a learn how to chill and wait, nori. you always rushin', " he said.
in denial, i rolled my eyes at him. but in the back of my head, i repetitively asked myself why he mentioned that.
so i did. "why'd you say that?, " i asked.
in his ghetto - slang accent, " you can't wait for the clock. you count before the clock strikes the minute. you be drivin' from your hosue to here or vice versa 50 miles per hour on a 35 mph zone. you always speed down the freeway. when you're here at work, you always wait for the goddamn minute to strike to the next minute just so you can go home."
and i just looked at him. not saying a single word. in many ways, he was right. but i was too stubborn to admit that. so i just stayed quiet. but the truth us, lately, i realized the importance of waiting. for instance, my situation with ron. we parted without any "good byes." in fact, we never broke up. there was a certain incident ( and it's still there) that's separating us from each other right now. i decided to let my feelings drift away until i can. i think because i was hurting and i just yearned to free it all.
but mending the pain is not an easy task. it's an elongated process...one that may take days, weeks, months and perhaps, even years. but i was in desperate stage of getting rid of it...not slowly or gradually but out of frustration and twinge. i looked for an answer. i repeated the questions all over my head. i was clueless. i cried many nights.many times, i pretended i didn't hurt and that sliced the wounds even more. it was difficult.
secretly, i hoped for the US (me and ron) but i didn't think it was possible. i just lost faith for a while. but like the sermon said when i went to crystal cathedral, by pastor schuller, " hope without love is dangerous. but love without faith is impossible. it has to be both. not one or the other." and then, the wait. i chose not to wait because i thought, it would damage me further. but now, that i looked back, the wait was worth the wait.
in six months time, ron mentioned he thought of me over the months but eh was as helpless as i was because of the inevitable events that occured. on our last conversation though, before all these happened, he warned me and told me to hang on to him and that no matter what happened, he truly loved me. and then he was gone. no goodbyes. in fact, nothing at all.
then now, he is back in my life. i forgave him. i just needed answers. i needed the explanations. and he is slowly and gradually answering my questions.and i am smoothly shedding lights here. now, i realized, all i needed to do was WAIT. i prayed to my lord. i kept myself preoccupied ( no, actually, over loaded) just to i can get over it. IT meaning any twinge. but all along all i needed to do was WAIT.
WAit because the lord already planned this for me. WAIT because somewhere down the line, the answers to my questions awaits. WAIT because shadows of true love doesn't fade that easy. WAIT because ron was only waiting for the right moment to approach me back. WAIt because he ron never stopped loving me, he just HAD TO WAIT a little because he MUST. WAit because there were wonderful men who came into my life recently who made me feel appreciated and adored. But throught it all, it was ron and me.
This waiting game reminds me so much of surfing. Surfers are very patient people. They always wait for the gigantic waves from the coast to approach the shore and then they ride it. And you watch them glide to it. And they enjoy every curve as the smooth tides embrace them in the waters. And it was as if, they are flying on the coastal waters. And then the cycle continues, they wait for another good wave again.
I think , I need to apply their philosophy in my life. I need to wait for that WAVE that I can ride smoothly and enjoy. Only now, I am learning to surf my life's waves. I learned the hard way, though. I kept riding ANY waves and I kept falling and drowning on my life's ocean. Now, I finally, discovered the technique: to wait for the RIGHT WAVE so i can glide smoothly, balance it right and not fall off my surfing board. Without goign throught these surfer's principles, only then I can enjoy to ride and glide smoothly through my owns life's the waves.
posted by pinay freestyle @ 9:58 AM
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