From Seaweed with Love.
Started: May 25, 2002 @ 2 am
Finished: May 27, 2002 @ 5:16 PM
A New Found Spirit
"Len, you have 752 today. He's nice but he gets damn tantrums and all so just be cautioned," said the night shift endorser as I was getting the current patient's report for the daily shift schedule. In the back of my head, I thought, " Oh no, another lunatic patient. But I'll get over it." I met the patient," Baby Loc" last week. Just by the name, you might have guessed and already knew he was a gangster. In the hospital, for privacy reasons, we call the gangster’s "John Doe." he was in for some type of infection I could not talk about here.
At first, as I expected: a little grouchy and ghetto at the same time. I went in with a masked , gown and gloves on and all he can see were my eyes and my eyebrows. In the beginning, he wanted me to do this and that: mere little things but quite annoying, I must admit. Why? Well, because he wouldn’t say it all in one time. I had to keep going in and out of the room to attend to his needs. Even my colleagues at work noticed my going in and out of his room because he was in isolation.
But through those in and out scenarios in his room, I asked about him. And more and more, he disclosed himself to me. Yes, he was a gangster and he admitted. He even made me read the tattoos on his arm. It read, “Baby Loc.” Coming from the gangster’s paradise myself, I told him I used to be one, too but now, inactive and uninterested with the gangster life. I related so much from him and his stories because I was also a product of that environment and companionship.
That was the start. From the gangs, we switched to our life, our families, and our friends. He knew my mother because my mother took cake of him from the night shift. And he said my mom really cared about her patients just like I care for him. As for him he told me about how close he was to his five brothers and his mother. And that his father was really nonexistent. Day after day, we enthusiastically shared stories about our family and friends even more.
He asked me about my personal life and at first, I ignored his questions. But later, I confided because I figured that it was not fair that he opened up his life to me and I am being selfish that he doesn’t know anything about me. So in return, the following day, I told him about what happened to that bastard who cheated on me. Also, that I engaged in some relationship but I was not looking for any type of relationship because I am trying to look out for myself. Really, I was scared. I am such a chicken.
Every time I was there, I always took care of him. We talked about everything. I even called when I am off from work. One time, we talked all night and all morning long to think that I was with him the whole day, too. He has so much strength and hope while I was on the opposite side. Before I started talking to him, I indulged myself to get two jobs just so I can get rid of the hurt and the pain. I just did not long to stay home and sob over the dramas of my life. I’d rather reap something positive out the loneliness than crying my butt over something that tore me apart.
I must say, having him there eased out the loneliness in me. It’s just I was not used to telling someone my whole life. It’s like a heavy burden was taken away from my chest. Sometimes, he’s play around about asking me out. Although, I knew he really liked me and flirted with me in his own ghetto ways. He begged for kisses and hugs. Hugs I gave but of course, no kisses. Everyday, I looked forward to seeing him.
Frankly speaking, “Baby Loc” and I were connecting strangely and too close, I must say. We already made plans of going out after he gets out of the hospital. Perhaps, we can go to dinner or watch a movie, he suggested. I was glad that I was making him smile and in return, he makes me happy and somewhat, amused. To tell you the truth, each and every circumstance I was with him, I liked him more and more. And in his demeanors, the way he looked at me, the way he smelled my scent, or touched my hand, I can tell he felt the same way.
But there was more. He was totally different from anyone. He doesn’t take crap from anyone but at the same time, he was a softy inside. He was someone who loved his family and friends so much. One who will be there until the end of time…one who is for keeps. What I like in him the most was his fighting spirit. His will to go on, no matter how hard life was or will be for him. He is very determined and very appreciative of all the people and things that he has.
“Baby Loc,” made me rethink my life, rediscover myself, and appreciate what I have got. He made me feel admired, adored, and greatly cared for. What I had not told you is, he was shot in the cervical area of his spine in 1995. He is quadriplegic from waist down. He has his modified wheelchair with gold rims. But he is just like any of us. He doesn’t label him self “unable” to do the things a normal person can do. In fact, he does ALMOST everything on his own. Sometimes, he does not even want my help.
He parties hard like others. And he goes out to places wherever he wants to whether it was Las Vegas or somewhere else. Other times, he ‘s unpredictably simple, like the way I met him: quiet and grouchy, at times. But his emotions were very deep. He has so much to say and he has so much feelings for others. He has compassion that what ever he dreamed and endeavored to reach, he goes for it without anyone stopping him. He has a great drive to better himself and yet, not be selfish to others. The blessings in his life are outpouring because he has a heart of gold.
Hadn’t I been with Ron, I definitely would go for him. But Ron came into my life first. Last night, I cried to “LOC” about my recent situation with Ron and LOC advised me to stay with Ron because he needs me right now. LOC assured me he will be there no matter what. And I told him the same thing. He told me he might be discharged the 13th of June. And I have to say the news saddened me because I realized I will not be able to bug him whenever I want to. But he assured me that we will still hang out and chill and that he will never change around me.
But as I end this musing, I am printing a copy. Not only am I posting this to my blog ( at www.pinayfreestyle.blogspot.com), I am also giving him this original copy because he is very special to me. My time with LOC made me reevaluate my worth in this world. And he made me feel needed and important. He gave me back the self esteem and confidence I once lost. He overlooked my imperfections, he looked beyond the physical aspect of me ( Although, he kept saying, I was cute, Thank you, LOC!). He took the necessary time to discover ME, my heart and my emotions, something other people took forgranted.
I will be there for you, I promise. I will bring you your ice cream ( and no, it would not be frozen yogurt). Perhaps, I’ll give you a family size barbeque flavor chips and get you a life time supply of ham and cheese sandwiches. I will still share you my lotion and I’d still give you strawberry crème savers. But more than that, I will still shower you with my winning smiles and my gentle hugs whenever you need it or evebn if you do not need it. Bottom line is, I am here and I am stuck in your life like a leech whether you like it or not.
I guess, this is as good as any time as any to tell you, LOC, and the whole world, THANK YOU for bringing me back to sanity. Thank you for the quiet times together, for the late night talks, for the untold stories said, and the secrets unfolded. Thanks for letting me discover ME again. But above all these, thank you very much for the love and friendship. You hold a very special spot in my heart. And I’ll never take you off that. And please know that in the approaching days to come, I will be here for you, no matter what, the same you listened and befriended me these last few days.
From the bottom of my heart, again, Thank you very much and I love yah. Don’t be a stranger. Remember “Seaweed” the way I will keep remembering “Baby Loc.” And oh yeah, I am giving you permission to name your first kid, “Noriega”. Hahahah. But on the serious note, Thank you for my new found spirit. It was all from you. Thank you for bringing me back my wings.
posted by pinay freestyle @ 5:25 PM
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